19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - the PP said something important you don’t want to miss. Elderly paternal age is a very high risk of autism and ADHD. My child has autism and so are many of his classmates born from “order dads”

Older paternal age is over 35

Excellent point. New data shows old sperm is the cause of more issues than old eggs. So OP should be aware that her childs risk of autism or other SN is much higher with an old man.

As a mother to mildly autistic son i observed those wealthy families with large age gaps in my child’s private school. Literally all kids took exams in HS with special accommodations. Kids couldn’t attend public schools as they are unable to focus and needed hand holding socializing with classmates and teachers. I had to give up my career to take my child to therapies and they had a major mental crisis in teens and first year in college (where they were not as much guarded and tendered to). My marriage didn’t survive the stress of older husband (who turned out selfish and uninvolved dad irritated by SN child). We divorced when I was in early 40s and he in his 50s.

None of the “old dads” kids succeeded or got into great colleges, 4 years post HS graduation. Boys are now trying to become musicians and girls physical therapists or similar. These are kids of very wealthy families with dads who are lawyers, financiers etc. So next gen is a step down intellectually from the parents.

Don’t do it to your kids, OP! Find an energetic young man to reproduce with

I wouldn't have a child with a woman over the age of 32. Don't take it personal if you are past that age. It's just my preference. And I do think I want to get anyone pregnant either once I am past 30. I'm 25 now and engaged. My fiance is 26. As soon as we get married we will try for a child.

Because so many people are having children so late in life, the science has evolved to accommodate them and make them think like it's okay.

If you look at most SN kids, they were born of older parents.

You are going to trigger so many people lol. People think having a first child at 40 is totally normal.

The age cut off for women is indeed around 40 to have relatively healthy kids.

[Anonymous]

NFW. 19 years will seem okay until he's 55-60, then he'll be an OLD man, like really old, and his friends will seem old to you, and you will start feeling like he's a burden and he's robbed you of your youth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - the PP said something important you don’t want to miss. Elderly paternal age is a very high risk of autism and ADHD. My child has autism and so are many of his classmates born from “order dads”

Older paternal age is over 35

Excellent point. New data shows old sperm is the cause of more issues than old eggs. So OP should be aware that her childs risk of autism or other SN is much higher with an old man.

As a mother to mildly autistic son i observed those wealthy families with large age gaps in my child’s private school. Literally all kids took exams in HS with special accommodations. Kids couldn’t attend public schools as they are unable to focus and needed hand holding socializing with classmates and teachers. I had to give up my career to take my child to therapies and they had a major mental crisis in teens and first year in college (where they were not as much guarded and tendered to). My marriage didn’t survive the stress of older husband (who turned out selfish and uninvolved dad irritated by SN child). We divorced when I was in early 40s and he in his 50s.

None of the “old dads” kids succeeded or got into great colleges, 4 years post HS graduation. Boys are now trying to become musicians and girls physical therapists or similar. These are kids of very wealthy families with dads who are lawyers, financiers etc. So next gen is a step down intellectually from the parents.

Don’t do it to your kids, OP! Find an energetic young man to reproduce with

I wouldn't have a child with a woman over the age of 32. Don't take it personal if you are past that age. It's just my preference. And I do think I want to get anyone pregnant either once I am past 30. I'm 25 now and engaged. My fiance is 26. As soon as we get married we will try for a child.

Because so many people are having children so late in life, the science has evolved to accommodate them and make them think like it's okay.

If you look at most SN kids, they were born of older parents.

No one takes it personally that you are a man in his 20s marrying a woman in her 20s and having kids right away. But not wanting to get your fiancee pregnant after 30 will not survive reality if you both decide you want several kids and it takes a little longer than expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Ok, so all his money and property and retirement will go to his kids. You will not want to bring another child into this, you’ll end up penniless and despised. His children need his time and attention and college money. Your only option is to continue dating while maintaining separate homes forever or break up now. He’s already committed to his kids, don’t be an a-hole.

Honey she will make her own money. She will leave inheritance to her child. She will have enough for retirement. A man is not going to be her retirement plan.

Said no woman ever marrying a man her 19 year senior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Ok, so all his money and property and retirement will go to his kids. You will not want to bring another child into this, you’ll end up penniless and despised. His children need his time and attention and college money. Your only option is to continue dating while maintaining separate homes forever or break up now. He’s already committed to his kids, don’t be an a-hole.

Honey she will make her own money. She will leave inheritance to her child. She will have enough for retirement. A man is not going to be her retirement plan.

Said no woman ever marrying a man her 19 year senior

Especially one that's still a student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Ok, so all his money and property and retirement will go to his kids. You will not want to bring another child into this, you’ll end up penniless and despised. His children need his time and attention and college money. Your only option is to continue dating while maintaining separate homes forever or break up now. He’s already committed to his kids, don’t be an a-hole.

Honey she will make her own money. She will leave inheritance to her child. She will have enough for retirement. A man is not going to be her retirement plan.

Said no woman ever marrying a man her 19 year senior

Why would anyone marry someone 19 years older if there isn't significant financial gain involved? It's one of the dumber decisions a person can make in life. Youth is wasted on the young (and dumb)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - the PP said something important you don’t want to miss. Elderly paternal age is a very high risk of autism and ADHD. My child has autism and so are many of his classmates born from “order dads”

Older paternal age is over 35

Excellent point. New data shows old sperm is the cause of more issues than old eggs. So OP should be aware that her childs risk of autism or other SN is much higher with an old man.

As a mother to mildly autistic son i observed those wealthy families with large age gaps in my child’s private school. Literally all kids took exams in HS with special accommodations. Kids couldn’t attend public schools as they are unable to focus and needed hand holding socializing with classmates and teachers. I had to give up my career to take my child to therapies and they had a major mental crisis in teens and first year in college (where they were not as much guarded and tendered to). My marriage didn’t survive the stress of older husband (who turned out selfish and uninvolved dad irritated by SN child). We divorced when I was in early 40s and he in his 50s.

None of the “old dads” kids succeeded or got into great colleges, 4 years post HS graduation. Boys are now trying to become musicians and girls physical therapists or similar. These are kids of very wealthy families with dads who are lawyers, financiers etc. So next gen is a step down intellectually from the parents.

Don’t do it to your kids, OP! Find an energetic young man to reproduce with

I wouldn't have a child with a woman over the age of 32. Don't take it personal if you are past that age. It's just my preference. And I do think I want to get anyone pregnant either once I am past 30. I'm 25 now and engaged. My fiance is 26. As soon as we get married we will try for a child.

Because so many people are having children so late in life, the science has evolved to accommodate them and make them think like it's okay.

If you look at most SN kids, they were born of older parents.

No one takes it personally that you are a man in his 20s marrying a woman in her 20s and having kids right away. But not wanting to get your fiancee pregnant after 30 will not survive reality if you both decide you want several kids and it takes a little longer than expected.

They still have a few years to enjoy life in their 20s. Maybe they’ll only have one child. It’s a trade off - either you increase chances for your child to be healthy on their own and not require much support in life. Or you try to make all money in the world and then end up having a sick child who’ll suck all energy and money for their care out of you.
I love my SN child immensely but having a SN child was life changing for me. If I knew these new data on paternal age, and could change my life choices, I would have married a younger less established man in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - the PP said something important you don’t want to miss. Elderly paternal age is a very high risk of autism and ADHD. My child has autism and so are many of his classmates born from “order dads”

Older paternal age is over 35

Excellent point. New data shows old sperm is the cause of more issues than old eggs. So OP should be aware that her childs risk of autism or other SN is much higher with an old man.

As a mother to mildly autistic son i observed those wealthy families with large age gaps in my child’s private school. Literally all kids took exams in HS with special accommodations. Kids couldn’t attend public schools as they are unable to focus and needed hand holding socializing with classmates and teachers. I had to give up my career to take my child to therapies and they had a major mental crisis in teens and first year in college (where they were not as much guarded and tendered to). My marriage didn’t survive the stress of older husband (who turned out selfish and uninvolved dad irritated by SN child). We divorced when I was in early 40s and he in his 50s.

None of the “old dads” kids succeeded or got into great colleges, 4 years post HS graduation. Boys are now trying to become musicians and girls physical therapists or similar. These are kids of very wealthy families with dads who are lawyers, financiers etc. So next gen is a step down intellectually from the parents.

Don’t do it to your kids, OP! Find an energetic young man to reproduce with

I wouldn't have a child with a woman over the age of 32. Don't take it personal if you are past that age. It's just my preference. And I do think I want to get anyone pregnant either once I am past 30. I'm 25 now and engaged. My fiance is 26. As soon as we get married we will try for a child.

Because so many people are having children so late in life, the science has evolved to accommodate them and make them think like it's okay.

If you look at most SN kids, they were born of older parents.

Tangent a bit - I wonder why that is. In the not so distant past people had large families and many women with multiple children had children into their 40s.

[Anonymous]

My concern for OP is that once she is done changing her child’s diaper, she’ll be nursing her husband and helping his change his diaper.

[Anonymous]

It wasn't a first child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women in your situation always like to frame this as “I’m so mature that I can only connect with a man twenty years older than me”.

But really the framing should be “he’s so immature that he can only connect with women 20 years younger than him” and while you’re at it add “and my girlfriend needs to be naive and sheltered enough to not realize how immature I am”.

lol.. I used to think this.

I'm married to a man six years older than me; he's 61. I'm already starting to see the age difference. While I don't regret marrying him at all, I never thought he'd age so rapidly. He looked much younger for a long time, then it really hit in his late 50s.

[Anonymous]

Right now it may seem ok, but men tend to start to really age around 60, and you will be around 40 with a 60 year old DH. Just wouldn't think either of you would have much in common unless it's very specific hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 27 and a PhD student, and my boyfriend is a 46 year old lawyer. I really love him, we have an amazing relationship - we communicate well, have similar goals, compliment one another and enjoy being together. That said, sometimes I worry about our age difference and what it might mean for us long term.

I’d love to hear the perspectives of people who’ve been in or are in relationship like this

Say you get married and he knocks you up a couple of times and you push out your sprogs when you are like 32 and 35. He'll be like 61 and 64. Which means the odds of him becoming worm food before your child reaches the age you are now are very high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - the PP said something important you don’t want to miss. Elderly paternal age is a very high risk of autism and ADHD. My child has autism and so are many of his classmates born from “order dads”

Older paternal age is over 35

Excellent point. New data shows old sperm is the cause of more issues than old eggs. So OP should be aware that her childs risk of autism or other SN is much higher with an old man.

As a mother to mildly autistic son i observed those wealthy families with large age gaps in my child’s private school. Literally all kids took exams in HS with special accommodations. Kids couldn’t attend public schools as they are unable to focus and needed hand holding socializing with classmates and teachers. I had to give up my career to take my child to therapies and they had a major mental crisis in teens and first year in college (where they were not as much guarded and tendered to). My marriage didn’t survive the stress of older husband (who turned out selfish and uninvolved dad irritated by SN child). We divorced when I was in early 40s and he in his 50s.

None of the “old dads” kids succeeded or got into great colleges, 4 years post HS graduation. Boys are now trying to become musicians and girls physical therapists or similar. These are kids of very wealthy families with dads who are lawyers, financiers etc. So next gen is a step down intellectually from the parents.

Don’t do it to your kids, OP! Find an energetic young man to reproduce with

I wouldn't have a child with a woman over the age of 32. Don't take it personal if you are past that age. It's just my preference. And I do think I want to get anyone pregnant either once I am past 30. I'm 25 now and engaged. My fiance is 26. As soon as we get married we will try for a child.

Because so many people are having children so late in life, the science has evolved to accommodate them and make them think like it's okay.

If you look at most SN kids, they were born of older parents.

Tangent a bit - I wonder why that is. In the not so distant past people had large families and many women with multiple children had children into their 40s.

People act like it's some modern thing, women having children at 40. But many of our ancestors were having children until they physically couldn't. Which was often either death during childbirth or menopause. Once birth control became readily available this dropped massively (and maternal health increased hugely), but it's not some new phenomenon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, don't listen to naysayers here and see how you feel about everything. Talk to him about your fears and concerns and see how he reacts and how you connect with him.

of course he's gonna say, "Don't worry". duh People can't fathom growing old.

-signed a 56 yr old married to a 62 yr old