Fed husband is furloughed and doesn’t do anything all day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

This board is full of anecdotes that make me grateful for my own marriage but this has to be a top 10 example. Give me a break, is he mentally handicapped? He couldn't figure out how to get to UPS at any time before 3:30 and you apologized to him for that?

He gets so upset…traffic was bad, phone doesn’t hold a battery so he didn’t know the time…can’t suggest getting a charger because he doesn’t want to spend money, then he spirals.

When I say it’s hard, it’s really effin hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

guess we know why he is a fed worker!

No kidding. This is either a troll post with a bunch of sympathetic troll responses, or the fed workforce is really sad.

[Anonymous]

Good god, Americans work from age 18 or 22 until they die, scraping and saving to take a torturous 2 week vacation each year. Is that a way to live a life? If the man has some unplanned time off, let him effing be. Let him slow down and do nothing. A human’s value isn’t in how much profit they are generating for shareholders or how much they are meeting their performance metrics at work. You sound insane. I would encourage my DH to go watch movies in the theatre, have lunch with friends, go hiking, sleep in, whatever if he finally got a break from working so hard all his life. And I’d be resentful AF if my spouse was trying to bean count my contributions during this time. You sound AWFUL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good god, Americans work from age 18 or 22 until they die, scraping and saving to take a torturous 2 week vacation each year. Is that a way to live a life? If the man has some unplanned time off, let him effing be. Let him slow down and do nothing. A human’s value isn’t in how much profit they are generating for shareholders or how much they are meeting their performance metrics at work. You sound insane. I would encourage my DH to go watch movies in the theatre, have lunch with friends, go hiking, sleep in, whatever if he finally got a break from working so hard all his life. And I’d be resentful AF if my spouse was trying to bean count my contributions during this time. You sound AWFUL.

I'm sorry, but if this guy can't manage dropping off a UPS package and picking up the kids at the bus in the same day, I doubt that he's been working that hard in his office job. How could he be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chill out OP. He’s going to get ( hopefully) back pay. What exactly do u expect him to be doing all day? Obviously he should do laundry and dinner but nothing wrong with him recharging.

This. OP is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

This board is full of anecdotes that make me grateful for my own marriage but this has to be a top 10 example. Give me a break, is he mentally handicapped? He couldn't figure out how to get to UPS at any time before 3:30 and you apologized to him for that?

He gets so upset…traffic was bad, phone doesn’t hold a battery so he didn’t know the time…can’t suggest getting a charger because he doesn’t want to spend money, then he spirals.

When I say it’s hard, it’s really effin hard.

He is either mentally ill or mentally disabled. How did he manage his job? What was it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who was doing bus pick up when you both worked?

They walked home alone and were alone until I got home (20 mins or so).

Wait, so why can't they walk home now and he'll be there? Why does he have to pick them up at the bus? That's make work you're coming up with for him to do!

[Anonymous]

So, he acts like a SAHM. What’s the issue?

[Anonymous]

Put him on a performance improvement plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, Americans work from age 18 or 22 until they die, scraping and saving to take a torturous 2 week vacation each year. Is that a way to live a life? If the man has some unplanned time off, let him effing be. Let him slow down and do nothing. A human’s value isn’t in how much profit they are generating for shareholders or how much they are meeting their performance metrics at work. You sound insane. I would encourage my DH to go watch movies in the theatre, have lunch with friends, go hiking, sleep in, whatever if he finally got a break from working so hard all his life. And I’d be resentful AF if my spouse was trying to bean count my contributions during this time. You sound AWFUL.

I'm sorry, but if this guy can't manage dropping off a UPS package and picking up the kids at the bus in the same day, I doubt that he's been working that hard in his office job. How could he be?

Has anyone considered he's probably depressed right now?

[Anonymous]

My furloughed DH has filled every day almost to the brim. To the point I am wondering if he needs more down time to recharge! He's golfing, having lunch with other furloughed friends, exercising and running errands. He's taken over the cooking every night, does kid drop off and pick up and is organizing the basement (mostly getting rid of stuff, but taking the lead on all of that).

I think it's ok to have some down time. But I'd suggest he take the kids to school in the morning (or bus stop) and then DO SOMETHING. Anything. Cooking, errands, exercise, whatever. It'll be good for his mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP who said I have a list every day. If my partner was lounging around at home and his only obligation was to pickup the kids, I wouldn't be very happy. Give him a list. Considering he seems to have some mental deficits, keep the task list manageable and simple. Instead of clean the garage, give him vacuum X rooms, empty the dishwasher, take out the trash. If he is unable to handle this, you have bigger problems.

OP. He is not able to handle this. I don’t know what he does all day but everything and anything takes him a very long time. I think he sits with coffee and scrolls his phone until about 11am. Then walk, make lunch and clean up lunch, shower…it’s 1:30 and he’ll head to do errands but it’s a rush to get home by 3:30.

If I ask or imply “what did you DO all day?” He’ll say he took out the trash and unloaded the dishwasher. I can do both if those in about 7 minutes. It takes him 5 hours?

Look I can kill a day at home not doing much but zoning out, reading things, scrolling socials and feeding/showering myself. But the weird part is the bold. He can't handle it? What are you talking about? If my DH was working and I was home and he asked me to run errands for him, I wouldn't be stressed about it. I'd just do it. Why can he not handle a list of things you'd like him to take care of this week? That part is crazy to me.

[Anonymous]

Feds can be fired, believe it or not. He’s not acting like this at work. Either he’s depressed (which is what it sounds like since OP says he wasn’t like this before) or OP is a troll or a harpy. My money is on depression, I’m a fed and I cannot tell you how many of my my energetic and smart colleagues are struggling right now, some clinically.

[Anonymous]

Im a furloughed fed and I AM a super go getter. However, this furlough I found that the first week I was home I was completely immobilized and couldn’t even get it together to read a novel, much less do any tasks. I was so burnt out from RTO and everything else with middle school kids over the summer/fall that my priority was, for once, doing nothing. However, it’s been three weeks and I’ve become back to normal, but still haven’t exercised one smidge (which I used to do daily).

[Anonymous]

So he's cleaning, picking up the kids, dropping off packages. Doesn't sound like he's doing nothing.