Fed husband is furloughed and doesn’t do anything all day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

He’s an adult. Stop treating him like an errand boy.

Fed here- he should totally be an errand boy. He basically should be functioning like a sahd. Deep cleaning, switching out summer clothes for winter for the kids, yard work, organizing closets.

Speak for yourself.

I’m halfway through renovating a bathroom to the studs. So yes, I’ve been very productive. Best friend cleared out her entire deceased parents’ home which she had expected would take her 6 months of only working weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband is lousy. You married him.

He wasn’t always like this. He was motivated and driven. The time thing was there and the efficiency but he was the calm and slow to my mania.

Now you know what to do. Dump him. He is now worthless.

[Anonymous]

This board has become worthless with responses like this ^^^

[Anonymous]

What a surprise that feds are just as lazy at home as at work. At least you can fire them from your house.

[Anonymous]

Don’t you ask him, “What’s on your list for the day?” I have a list every day of life. Of course, some things take longer than others and some are higher priority than others. Tell him to make a list or you will make one for him.

[Anonymous]

How do you leave out his SN? Perhaps he could fake that he didn't have it when you met but not anymore.
He should have left UPS if the line was long. And yes, it it possible for him to do his job well, but that's about it. Don't ask him to do anything else or you'll be disappointed.
I work with a few who have ADHD. Others are doing half their job while they think they are doing great.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean "He gets overwhelmed with a list"? A list of simple household chores is too much for him? Cleaning up the kitchen or vacuuming a few rooms is not difficult work. Has he always been this lazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "He gets overwhelmed with a list"? A list of simple household chores is too much for him? Cleaning up the kitchen or vacuuming a few rooms is not difficult work. Has he always been this lazy?

It will take him all day. He says he doesn’t have time to feed the cats because he was cleaning the kitchen. All day?! I can’t make sense of this.

I also would love to keep him busy and off his phone but he doesn’t ENJOY sorting and cleaning. He really, really needs to clean his tool box area and home office.

I do appreciate the sincere responses. This is unbelievably stressful but I can’t help think that sitting on his phone all day is helping. Wouldn’t a big task help keep his mind and body busy and give him a decent sense of pride?

He has boxes downstairs that have been untouched for 15 years full of stuff. He now has 6 hours a day…he’ll say things like “well I can’t do anything of this because I don’t have a file cabinet” so I tell him to go to goodwill and get a file cabinet and he doesn’t. Then everything sits there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "He gets overwhelmed with a list"? A list of simple household chores is too much for him? Cleaning up the kitchen or vacuuming a few rooms is not difficult work. Has he always been this lazy?

Leaving your spouse a list of work to do is always inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to get his act together.

He is behaving like a very helpless child.

He is both a Father as well as a Husband & should be making himself useful.

Maybe he should meet w/a life coach who can help him manage time more efficiently.

He also needs to use his time to getting things done for himself - - for instance he really needs to clean his office.

I know you worry about him now but he really needs to figure out how to be a responsible adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "He gets overwhelmed with a list"? A list of simple household chores is too much for him? Cleaning up the kitchen or vacuuming a few rooms is not difficult work. Has he always been this lazy?

Leaving your spouse a list of work to do is always inappropriate.

That’s the most asinine comment in this thread. My wife and I have always gravitated toward different tasks that we specialize in. I do all the home maintenance / renovation, automotive and yard / vegetable gardening work, vacuuming, and bathroom cleaning, among other things. She, on the other hand, doesn’t want me anywhere near the kitchen or panty. She’s a world class cook and doesn’t want me in her favorite home workspace any more than I’d want her rummaging through my carefully organized tool chests in the garage.

During furloughs throughout the years, I loved the fact that she left me lists that were aligned with her own “to do” list, so I could take some burden off her shoulders if I had any free time — and the stuff would be the most urgent to get done.

That way I could get up early and plan out my day. E.g., I could drop the kids’ stack of due library books off at the local branch, or get some particular ingredients she needed at Wegmans, on the way back from whatever errands I was running.

What kind of married couple would NOT want to align their priorities and tasks like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "He gets overwhelmed with a list"? A list of simple household chores is too much for him? Cleaning up the kitchen or vacuuming a few rooms is not difficult work. Has he always been this lazy?

Leaving your spouse a list of work to do is always inappropriate.

That’s the most asinine comment in this thread. My wife and I have always gravitated toward different tasks that we specialize in. I do all the home maintenance / renovation, automotive and yard / vegetable gardening work, vacuuming, and bathroom cleaning, among other things. She, on the other hand, doesn’t want me anywhere near the kitchen or panty. She’s a world class cook and doesn’t want me in her favorite home workspace any more than I’d want her rummaging through my carefully organized tool chests in the garage.

During furloughs throughout the years, I loved the fact that she left me lists that were aligned with her own “to do” list, so I could take some burden off her shoulders if I had any free time — and the stuff would be the most urgent to get done.

That way I could get up early and plan out my day. E.g., I could drop the kids’ stack of due library books off at the local branch, or get some particular ingredients she needed at Wegmans, on the way back from whatever errands I was running.

What kind of married couple would NOT want to align their priorities and tasks like that?

A couple that actually respects each other? My wife is not my employee. I don't get to direct what she does during the day. If she'd like to go to the store to get something we need, she can. There cannot be a list of obligations in a fair relationship, because neither party has that authority over the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "He gets overwhelmed with a list"? A list of simple household chores is too much for him? Cleaning up the kitchen or vacuuming a few rooms is not difficult work. Has he always been this lazy?

Leaving your spouse a list of work to do is always inappropriate.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "He gets overwhelmed with a list"? A list of simple household chores is too much for him? Cleaning up the kitchen or vacuuming a few rooms is not difficult work. Has he always been this lazy?

Leaving your spouse a list of work to do is always inappropriate.

That’s the most asinine comment in this thread. My wife and I have always gravitated toward different tasks that we specialize in. I do all the home maintenance / renovation, automotive and yard / vegetable gardening work, vacuuming, and bathroom cleaning, among other things. She, on the other hand, doesn’t want me anywhere near the kitchen or panty. She’s a world class cook and doesn’t want me in her favorite home workspace any more than I’d want her rummaging through my carefully organized tool chests in the garage.

During furloughs throughout the years, I loved the fact that she left me lists that were aligned with her own “to do” list, so I could take some burden off her shoulders if I had any free time — and the stuff would be the most urgent to get done.

That way I could get up early and plan out my day. E.g., I could drop the kids’ stack of due library books off at the local branch, or get some particular ingredients she needed at Wegmans, on the way back from whatever errands I was running.

What kind of married couple would NOT want to align their priorities and tasks like that?

Your spouse is not your child or your servant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what I just read. Your husband is incapable of managing a ups drop off and getting kids off the buss because he's cleaning the kitchen?

You married a moron and had kids with him. Good luck with that.

Sounds like he was flourishing in his government job then.

Seems like the original post was just a set up for this punch line.