Fed husband is furloughed and doesn’t do anything all day

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has ADHD

[Anonymous]

Dear god this explains the “male loneliness” epidemic. You don’t have a husband, you have a special needs child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

What else do you want him to do? What have you been doing, just watching him? Go do something together and enjoy your vacay time together if you don't work.

Yard work, cleaning out YEARS worth of stuff in the basement, grocery shopping, errands, making dinner…I work full time, kids are in school and daycare.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is lousy. You married him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband is lousy. You married him.

He wasn’t always like this. He was motivated and driven. The time thing was there and the efficiency but he was the calm and slow to my mania.

[Anonymous]

If he’s a normal rational person working as a fed he’s been stressed and upset pretty much since last November. There are people in charge trying to make every fed as miserable as possible so we all quit. I am in a highly protected role so and still feel upset and frustrated nearly every day watching the work of the past couple years go down the toilet and worrying that I will be asked to do something I can’t go along with.

Do you have any idea how he’s actually feeling? He’s not on vacation, he’s waiting to see if he’s fired or he will actually get paid and wondering how badly everything he’s worked on for the past few years is being damaged while he’s home. Maybe give it a little longer before you pounce on him to do a bunch of stuff for you? There’s every chance he’s extremely depressed. Many people are right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

What else do you want him to do? What have you been doing, just watching him? Go do something together and enjoy your vacay time together if you don't work.

The OP clearly works, that’s why she asked him to do stuff like the UPS drop off. Of course she expects him to work on the never-ending list of stuff that every family has but never has time to actually tackle. That should be a given during something like this. Additionally, you’re going to call the shutdown a vacation? You’re nuts. Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

What else do you want him to do? What have you been doing, just watching him? Go do something together and enjoy your vacay time together if you don't work.

Yard work, cleaning out YEARS worth of stuff in the basement, grocery shopping, errands, making dinner…I work full time, kids are in school and daycare.

OP your DH is in a weird place. He’s still employed but he’s not working. And it hasn’t been that long although I’m sure it feels like it.

Cut him a little slack. If this situation drags on you can start having conversations about his role in the family while you’re at home. But not yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

What else do you want him to do? What have you been doing, just watching him? Go do something together and enjoy your vacay time together if you don't work.

OP works full time. Also, being on furlough is not “vacay time.” Read the room.

[Anonymous]

Dual furloughed Feds here. We made a heavy duty to do list and have been chugging through. Things like retiling, painting and renovating. We love our home though and were pretty excited for time off without kids. When we use our annual leave we always have the kids and are gone doing things, so this feels different.

Getting concerned though. I haven’t been able to plan things with friends because I guess I just don’t feel well enough and don’t want to talk to others. Mentally I get worse every week.

If your husband is always off task and can’t focus, he should talk to someone about that. Seems like a bigger problem than just furlough time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

He’s an adult. Stop treating him like an errand boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

He’s an adult. Stop treating him like an errand boy.

Fed here- he should totally be an errand boy. He basically should be functioning like a sahd. Deep cleaning, switching out summer clothes for winter for the kids, yard work, organizing closets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he not do anything at all, or does he do things like clean the kitchen?

He will do regular things like wipe down the kitchen counters. But that takes maybe 5 minutes? I just worry about his mental health.

You’re just salty that he’s not working while you are. This is not his choice. Don’t you have any empathy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

He’s an adult. Stop treating him like an errand boy.

Fed here- he should totally be an errand boy. He basically should be functioning like a sahd. Deep cleaning, switching out summer clothes for winter for the kids, yard work, organizing closets.

Speak for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Mentally I get worse every week.

This is the answer.