Fed husband is furloughed and doesn’t do anything all day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband is lousy. You married him.

He wasn’t always like this. He was motivated and driven. The time thing was there and the efficiency but he was the calm and slow to my mania.

You said he was never a go get em guy and now you say he was motivated and driven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "He gets overwhelmed with a list"? A list of simple household chores is too much for him? Cleaning up the kitchen or vacuuming a few rooms is not difficult work. Has he always been this lazy?

Leaving your spouse a list of work to do is always inappropriate.

That’s the most asinine comment in this thread. My wife and I have always gravitated toward different tasks that we specialize in. I do all the home maintenance / renovation, automotive and yard / vegetable gardening work, vacuuming, and bathroom cleaning, among other things. She, on the other hand, doesn’t want me anywhere near the kitchen or panty. She’s a world class cook and doesn’t want me in her favorite home workspace any more than I’d want her rummaging through my carefully organized tool chests in the garage.

During furloughs throughout the years, I loved the fact that she left me lists that were aligned with her own “to do” list, so I could take some burden off her shoulders if I had any free time — and the stuff would be the most urgent to get done.

That way I could get up early and plan out my day. E.g., I could drop the kids’ stack of due library books off at the local branch, or get some particular ingredients she needed at Wegmans, on the way back from whatever errands I was running.

What kind of married couple would NOT want to align their priorities and tasks like that?

A couple that actually respects each other? My wife is not my employee. I don't get to direct what she does during the day. If she'd like to go to the store to get something we need, she can. There cannot be a list of obligations in a fair relationship, because neither party has that authority over the other.

Been happily married for 27 years. A couple that actually loves and respects one another is a pair who willingly desires to serve one another, and shows that through their actions. They have mutual authority over the family as a whole. As a couple, we set aside time every Saturday morning to do a sort of “strategic planning” of what we need to prioritize for the weekend and coming work week. That can include both “fun” avocational time, and chores. Then we’ll figure out how to parse it all out.

It also includes longer-term conversations. Where do we plan on traveling next August. Oh we’re going to need new passports… I’ll take care of that in January when I’m taking my usual day off to do taxes. Now… do we put all new tires and struts on the older SUV, or do we put that $4k toward purchasing a new one. We’re going to need to decide that before snowy weather comes. Etc. etc.

A lot of pathetic excuses for marriages here.

[Anonymous]

Not just a lot of questionable marriages, but questionable federal employees being discussed here, too.

In my career I've had to discipline and even remove a lot of dud employees who rose up through the Peter Principle to GS-13 and 14, and then got bitter because they could never get into the inner circle of SESs and higher-position GS-15s with broad spans of control.

If the OP's husband is a dud at home, trust me... he's a dud at work, too.

In a long career of both private industry and public service, I've always observed that the strongest performers on the job are also the ones who have a stable and successful marriage, successful kids, and the family is involved with community leadership too (leadership roles in scouts, volunteering for school PTA, and so on.)

And people who suck in one part of their life always suck at all other aspects of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not just a lot of questionable marriages, but questionable federal employees being discussed here, too.

In my career I've had to discipline and even remove a lot of dud employees who rose up through the Peter Principle to GS-13 and 14, and then got bitter because they could never get into the inner circle of SESs and higher-position GS-15s with broad spans of control.

If the OP's husband is a dud at home, trust me... he's a dud at work, too.

In a long career of both private industry and public service, I've always observed that the strongest performers on the job are also the ones who have a stable and successful marriage, successful kids, and the family is involved with community leadership too (leadership roles in scouts, volunteering for school PTA, and so on.)

And people who suck in one part of their life always suck at all other aspects of life.

Totally. Because it's about their executive functioning. My husband is a member of the Senior Executive Functioning Service, truly.

Myself, I've got good executive functioning but poor physical health and am far too introverted, so I'm content as a 14 and enjoy my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not just a lot of questionable marriages, but questionable federal employees being discussed here, too.

In my career I've had to discipline and even remove a lot of dud employees who rose up through the Peter Principle to GS-13 and 14, and then got bitter because they could never get into the inner circle of SESs and higher-position GS-15s with broad spans of control.

If the OP's husband is a dud at home, trust me... he's a dud at work, too.

In a long career of both private industry and public service, I've always observed that the strongest performers on the job are also the ones who have a stable and successful marriage, successful kids, and the family is involved with community leadership too (leadership roles in scouts, volunteering for school PTA, and so on.)

And people who suck in one part of their life always suck at all other aspects of life.

This is a seriously dumb take. Many people
are excellent at what they like to do and what they need to do. Doesn’t mean they’re raring to clean out closets and mow the lawn with the same energy.

[Anonymous]

Things suck right now OP. I’d give him a break. If you’re worried about his mental health why don’t you have a game night and go hiking, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "He gets overwhelmed with a list"? A list of simple household chores is too much for him? Cleaning up the kitchen or vacuuming a few rooms is not difficult work. Has he always been this lazy?

Leaving your spouse a list of work to do is always inappropriate.

+1

Not in my house. In my house things get done one way or another, if a list is needed then a list will be there. Some of you are such pushover.

[Anonymous]

Mine is toggling between emotional shutdown and frantic disorganized housework. He’s our primary cause of household chaos as well. I’d love to see him back to work so he can relax.

A task list would stress him out beyond belief. It would be lovely if he found a project to dig into that made sense for household. He’d probably detail clean the vacuum before ever considering to using it….or put it away.

Severe adhd. He needs his routine to function. I’m really worried about him. If he would simply bed rot or take time to restoratively rest it would be lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why Trump wants to fire permanently many of the furloughed nonessential workers. Your husband obviously is a drag on our tax dollars.

Because the man won’t clean out closets? MAGA stupidity is next level.

I’m not MAGA. Not even a little. I marched in the No Kings rally yesterday. I’m just saying that OP’s description of her husband isn’t doing federal workers any favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why Trump wants to fire permanently many of the furloughed nonessential workers. Your husband obviously is a drag on our tax dollars.

Because the man won’t clean out closets? MAGA stupidity is next level.

I’m not MAGA. Not even a little. I marched in the No Kings rally yesterday. I’m just saying that OP’s description of her husband isn’t doing federal workers any favors.

You heard about one federal worker and now claim that’s representative of all? Yeah, you’re definitely not MAGA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why Trump wants to fire permanently many of the furloughed nonessential workers. Your husband obviously is a drag on our tax dollars.

Because the man won’t clean out closets? MAGA stupidity is next level.

I’m not MAGA. Not even a little. I marched in the No Kings rally yesterday. I’m just saying that OP’s description of her husband isn’t doing federal workers any favors.

It's one guy whose wife is describing him on an anonymous message board. No one is updating their opinion about federal workers based on it. Maybe if you were an alien who had never been to earth and this one post was your only information about them.

[Anonymous]

Chill out OP. He’s going to get ( hopefully) back pay. What exactly do u expect him to be doing all day? Obviously he should do laundry and dinner but nothing wrong with him recharging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what I just read. Your husband is incapable of managing a ups drop off and getting kids off the buss because he's cleaning the kitchen?

You married a moron and had kids with him. Good luck with that.

Sounds like he was flourishing in his government job then.

Oh f*ck off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a surprise that feds are just as lazy at home as at work. At least you can fire them from your house.

Are you a troll or just a jealous ahole. We all know you couldn’t get a Fed job if you tried. You are a loser, trashy cult member. Go f yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is toggling between emotional shutdown and frantic disorganized housework. He’s our primary cause of household chaos as well. I’d love to see him back to work so he can relax.

A task list would stress him out beyond belief. It would be lovely if he found a project to dig into that made sense for household. He’d probably detail clean the vacuum before ever considering to using it….or put it away.

Severe adhd. He needs his routine to function. I’m really worried about him. If he would simply bed rot or take time to restoratively rest it would be lovely.

Omg literally the vacuum. My husband will clean anything before he does a project.