Fed husband is furloughed and doesn’t do anything all day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm furloughed too and it really feels weird. I thought I'd get so much done but having no idea when we'll be called back makes it hard. I'm sad and I'm worried about my work friends struggling without their paychecks. This isn't the vacation feel I was expecting, at all. It's okay if he takes a breather.

This is interesting - I’ve been working the whole time and a bit grumpy about it. But my husband feels I’d be panicking a bit if I had too much time to think about things and that I wouldn’t use my time well if I weren’t working, so at least I’m getting something significant done that will either get me some credit at work or be a helpful addition to my resume.

To the op - I can have pretty bad time blindness and related anxiety. My ADHD meds help a lot. I mean it’s still hard but it helps. Also, people tend to sit around waiting for motivation to strike and it rang true for me recently thst “momentum builds motivation.”

I really think your husband should be meeting with a doctor, if he hasn’t already, to be screened for depression or adhd. Also, you should work together to discuss goals and build in wins. Like does he want to be napping and recharging and exercising and you want him running errands? Or does he want to and just has trouble motivating it. Does he hate running errands not is happy to do the laundry or pay the bills or cook? Etc.

[Anonymous]

I guess depression and burnout aren’t allowed in men.

[Anonymous]

Pp again
I would be a lot like your husband. Yet I get the top ratings and was tapped to lead this critical project when my colleagues were furloughed. Being able to hyper focus and do the things Im good at doing is part of it, but a huge part of it is just enough pressure to motivate me. No pressure makes it so hard to do anything!

So to the people saying he can’t be good at his job if he’s struggling like this at home, that’s just not true. (I mean, I have no idea how he does at his job, but it’s not necessarily true.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what I just read. Your husband is incapable of managing a ups drop off and getting kids off the buss because he's cleaning the kitchen?

You married a moron and had kids with him. Good luck with that.

This is a fed worker but he can’t plan ahead for school pickup from the bus? I feel like this may be a troll post- anyone furloughed right now is likely taking a much needed rest while also worrying about the state of their future. You sound exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm furloughed too and it really feels weird. I thought I'd get so much done but having no idea when we'll be called back makes it hard. I'm sad and I'm worried about my work friends struggling without their paychecks. This isn't the vacation feel I was expecting, at all. It's okay if he takes a breather.

Assume each day is the last. Clean a closet, pantry, catch up on all the laundry, do something/anything. I aim for four hours a day of productivity around my house, 45 mins cleaning, 15 minute break, repeat.

[Anonymous]

Who was doing bus pick up when you both worked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

guess we know why he is a fed worker!

[Anonymous]

My DH is working assiduously on his online chess game. Makes me crazy.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP who said I have a list every day. If my partner was lounging around at home and his only obligation was to pickup the kids, I wouldn't be very happy. Give him a list. Considering he seems to have some mental deficits, keep the task list manageable and simple. Instead of clean the garage, give him vacuum X rooms, empty the dishwasher, take out the trash. If he is unable to handle this, you have bigger problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP who said I have a list every day. If my partner was lounging around at home and his only obligation was to pickup the kids, I wouldn't be very happy. Give him a list. Considering he seems to have some mental deficits, keep the task list manageable and simple. Instead of clean the garage, give him vacuum X rooms, empty the dishwasher, take out the trash. If he is unable to handle this, you have bigger problems.

Should’ve married a maid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is NOT a go get ‘em guy and he’s always been super inefficient with time. But now he’s home all day (7:30-3:30, alone, no kids) but hasn’t done anything beyond the day to day tasks. I worry about him.

I am not leaving him a list, because he gets overwhelmed easily and doesn’t manage time well. For example, I asked him one day to drop off somethings for returns at ups but then he called me stressed because he missed getting the kids off the bus. I gently apologized and said I thought maybe he’d go early but he said he was cleaning the kitchen.

I am worried about him sitting home on his phone all day. His home office (now obsolete) is a mess. I don’t want to nag him but I worry…he’s home all day and doesn’t do anything.

This board is full of anecdotes that make me grateful for my own marriage but this has to be a top 10 example. Give me a break, is he mentally handicapped? He couldn't figure out how to get to UPS at any time before 3:30 and you apologized to him for that?

[Anonymous]

same...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who was doing bus pick up when you both worked?

They walked home alone and were alone until I got home (20 mins or so).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP who said I have a list every day. If my partner was lounging around at home and his only obligation was to pickup the kids, I wouldn't be very happy. Give him a list. Considering he seems to have some mental deficits, keep the task list manageable and simple. Instead of clean the garage, give him vacuum X rooms, empty the dishwasher, take out the trash. If he is unable to handle this, you have bigger problems.

OP. He is not able to handle this. I don’t know what he does all day but everything and anything takes him a very long time. I think he sits with coffee and scrolls his phone until about 11am. Then walk, make lunch and clean up lunch, shower…it’s 1:30 and he’ll head to do errands but it’s a rush to get home by 3:30.

If I ask or imply “what did you DO all day?” He’ll say he took out the trash and unloaded the dishwasher. I can do both if those in about 7 minutes. It takes him 5 hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what I just read. Your husband is incapable of managing a ups drop off and getting kids off the buss because he's cleaning the kitchen?

You married a moron and had kids with him. Good luck with that.

Sounds like he was flourishing in his government job then.

The discussion in this thread makes a lot of fed jobs sound like a sheltered workshop.