How do you approach dating when you are broke?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as you are working hard and supporting your children, then I think women would find that to be a wonderful quality to have in a potential mate.

There is a difference between being broke because you are supporting your children vs. being a broke bum.

I think many women would be happy ➕ even willing to date a guy w/not much money as long as he is ensuring his children have everything they need.

Try to be patient - - there are women out there that would appreciate a good man like you❣️

I cant think of too many women who would be interested in a guy who is 1) never available during prime dating times on weekends and 2) can’t afford to contribute to any joint activities except for the free ones.

I would think he’s a good person but pass. I’ve seen men ending being a FWB for an older (50+) woman in this situation but OP needs to be ripped and good looking for that. Think a tennis coach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to get yourself together first. Stabilize financially and focus on friendships. No situationships. No FWB.

Otherwise, you will end up paying CS for another kid you can’t afford and all three will suffer.

lol I had to read the second-to-last paragraph like four times; I thought OP was a gay woman at first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to get yourself together first. Stabilize financially and focus on friendships. No situationships. No FWB.

Otherwise, you will end up paying CS for another kid you can’t afford and all three will suffer.

lol I had to read the second-to-last paragraph like four times; I thought OP was a gay woman at first!

He needs to date older women who can’t get pregnant and offer FWB from the start citing lack of time and resources. Be honest. It won’t be a model but someone would pick him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it just seems like you don't prioritize dating at all. Why are you asking how to date if you don't want to prioritize it? I would think that the man just wants to get non-committed sex and no experiences together, or it would be all at my expense. No weekends out of town, cookouts etc - what couples do together.

So don't date if you can't date. Put it on profile that you are looking for something casual and have sex with women who are interested. Just be forthcoming and open about it.

I'm freaking tired of meeting men who tell on date 5-6 that they live with a roommate. And then get furious that women use questionnaire. If you live with a roommate you should focus on getting your s...t together and not building a new relationship.

I am a woman and I worked for 20 years for my financial stability. I am looking for an equal partner or I'll single. I don't give occasional sex to men who don't prioritize relationships and relationships cost money. I won't subsidize anyone

Why are you so angry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women will perhaps disagree with my opinion, but I think it's true. Our society expect men not to be "broke". If OP were a woman in the same exact scenario, the same women pounding on OP will be cheering her up and telling her she will have no issues finding a guy.

When women are broke it's okay. Excuses are made for them..When men are broke it's their own fault.

You think you’re such a victim while pretending the flip side doesn’t exist. When men are not in great shape, look their age, or aren’t super attractive it’s okay. Excuses are made for them..When women are fat, look old, or ugly it’s their own fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a 40yo woman, a man who prioritizes investing and retirement, and spends his money on his kids’ extracurriculars rather than taking them out so he can blow it on women or golf, is extremely attractive. *Extemely*.

However, a 23 year old won’t think it’s attractive. A young, gorgeous woman is going to expect a man to spend his money on her.

As long as you pick a woman in your price range, you’ll be fine. Stick with women your own age, don’t go for the young 9s/10s.

Since you mentioned you’re afraid of OLD - don’t be. Set your age limits appropriately (35-45), fill out your profile thoroughly, and when you match, take the initiate to send a thoughtful message that shows you look at her profile and are interested in her specifically. Engage in some conversation on the app, then suggest a date you think she’d enjoy. You’ll do okay.

I can see why OP is afraid of OLD, bc he needs to work on his writing skills. Everyone responding came to different conclusions about whether he had custody, whether he was even divorced, whether he was actually a man!

And then it turns out he was just leading with his feelings when he kept calling himself broke, and it turns out he’s making $210k, investing etc.

When someone is *that* bad at communicating, it feels like dishonesty. It makes the “50% more than decree so XW can live in nice 3BR while I live in crappy unsafe 1BR even though I have kids 3 nights/wk” sound extremely fishy. Or manipulative, like he wants his kids to see the difference and think he’s such a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a 40yo woman, a man who prioritizes investing and retirement, and spends his money on his kids’ extracurriculars rather than taking them out so he can blow it on women or golf, is extremely attractive. *Extemely*.

However, a 23 year old won’t think it’s attractive. A young, gorgeous woman is going to expect a man to spend his money on her.

As long as you pick a woman in your price range, you’ll be fine. Stick with women your own age, don’t go for the young 9s/10s.

Since you mentioned you’re afraid of OLD - don’t be. Set your age limits appropriately (35-45), fill out your profile thoroughly, and when you match, take the initiate to send a thoughtful message that shows you look at her profile and are interested in her specifically. Engage in some conversation on the app, then suggest a date you think she’d enjoy. You’ll do okay.

I can see why OP is afraid of OLD, bc he needs to work on his writing skills. Everyone responding came to different conclusions about whether he had custody, whether he was even divorced, whether he was actually a man!

And then it turns out he was just leading with his feelings when he kept calling himself broke, and it turns out he’s making $210k, investing etc.

When someone is *that* bad at communicating, it feels like dishonesty. It makes the “50% more than decree so XW can live in nice 3BR while I live in crappy unsafe 1BR even though I have kids 3 nights/wk” sound extremely fishy. Or manipulative, like he wants his kids to see the difference and think he’s such a martyr.

Or he’s just cheap, wants new women know he won’t spend a cent on them, and doesn’t want to invest in a real new relationship. He still lives in the past

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many great date ideas that don't require spending a lot of money. You can pack a picnic and attend a free concert, go for a hike, go kayaking. Dating doesn't have to be expensive, and I believe that plenty of women who would consider dating OP wouldn't have a problem with his limited budget for dates. However, they may be sensitive to signs that he is seeking a "sugar mama" or wants a woman to support him financially while he supports his ex-wife.

As someone who dated someone like that, don’t. If they won’t spend any money to win you they either don’t have money to spend or are cheap. Neither is compatible with a LTR, at least not with me.

OP though is not broke. $210K isn’t a lot these days but it isn’t broke. But from that he should be socking away $50K annually after 401K contributions and really working on career growth. I make $250K at 54 and it’s really not a lot these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-If you are overweight, even at all, lose weight. Get your weight down to BMI 24 at the highest.

-Are you in DC? There are tons of free things to do in DC. The Smithsonian is your friend. Free events at embassies, etc.

-Why don't you have more custody of your kids? That would be a red flag for me.

Yep.

In this day and age, I'd assume any man without some custody abused his kids.

b

Nah. You should assume that this is a guy who didn’t want custody and was happy to let his wife do all the work so he can rebuild and focus on making more money. 50% more than requirements is really not a lot of money bc the requirements are very very low, even lower if his wife works. It’s probably less than he would have had to spend on a 3BR apartment if his own which is why he prefers it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know quite a few professional thwomen who say exactly what PP just said. They don't get taken out to fancy dinners but they get a lot of acts of service from nice looking men.

I would never respect a man who makes $45k. I was making double that amount one year after college and that was 20 years ago.
I would think they are incapable and have no purpose in life. I don’t need acts of service - there are qualified contractors to fix things around the house. I don’t need to spread out for that. And would rather spend my valuable time on seeking an eligible partner while I’m using toys.

My respect for a person doesn't depend on their salary. But I am similar in age to op. Im not interested in dating someone who is not fiscally responsible and has no interest in bettering his situation but instead wants to pout and feels entitled to have a partner and take care of him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would be someone I would consider dating. However, after finding out that you provide 50% more than decreed (assuming the amount is based on need calculation) on child support, I would immediately eliminate you as marriage potential.

Big red flag for me that you are either holding on to guilt or that you trust your ex more than yourself to provide for your children. Why not invest that money in a college savings account or other investment vehicle that will eventually go to your kids?

OP here. The reason I send more is due to extra curricular activities. I have debated with myself many times whether I should take them out of their activities. But I wanted them to have as much a normal life as possible. And some of the support goes into college savings as well. That's how it ended up being 50% more.

Fair enough. Red turned to yellow flag. If you want to make that green: show that you are an involved father that isn’t pushing the full mental load of parenting onto the mother. Sign the kids up for their xcs yourself (presumably, these are weekend activities that YOU are taking them to?!) and manage a college savings account yourself. Why are pushing all that onto the mother? Sheesh, you sound just like my ex when we were married. Thankfully, our negotiated settlement spells out exactly who signs up and pays based on the season (our kids do fall and spring sports).

You have your kids 3 out of 7 days, yet seem to only “write a check” and then wallow in your self-pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would be someone I would consider dating. However, after finding out that you provide 50% more than decreed (assuming the amount is based on need calculation) on child support, I would immediately eliminate you as marriage potential.

Big red flag for me that you are either holding on to guilt or that you trust your ex more than yourself to provide for your children. Why not invest that money in a college savings account or other investment vehicle that will eventually go to your kids?

OP here. The reason I send more is due to extra curricular activities. I have debated with myself many times whether I should take them out of their activities. But I wanted them to have as much a normal life as possible. And some of the support goes into college savings as well. That's how it ended up being 50% more.

Fair enough. Red turned to yellow flag. If you want to make that green: show that you are an involved father that isn’t pushing the full mental load of parenting onto the mother. Sign the kids up for their xcs yourself (presumably, these are weekend activities that YOU are taking them to?!) and manage a college savings account yourself. Why are pushing all that onto the mother? Sheesh, you sound just like my ex when we were married. Thankfully, our negotiated settlement spells out exactly who signs up and pays based on the season (our kids do fall and spring sports).

You have your kids 3 out of 7 days, yet seem to only “write a check” and then wallow in your self-pity.

There we go again. There we go again

[Anonymous]

Hold up. The kids have two overnights with you a week in your 1-br apt in a shitty neighborhood? Also, since you’re “broke,” is that one weekday dinner a home cooked meal?

My guess is you’re taking them out to a restaurant near their mom’s house and wasting $100+/week. Use that money towards your rent and move closer or at least to a better area.

- someone in your dating pool that would question your life decisions

[Anonymous]

OP was correct in his assessment. The responses here clearly show that the burden on men are much higher when it comes to what they bring on the table.

What does a woman in the same exact situation as OP brings to the table? Just wondering..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would be someone I would consider dating. However, after finding out that you provide 50% more than decreed (assuming the amount is based on need calculation) on child support, I would immediately eliminate you as marriage potential.

Big red flag for me that you are either holding on to guilt or that you trust your ex more than yourself to provide for your children. Why not invest that money in a college savings account or other investment vehicle that will eventually go to your kids?

OP here. The reason I send more is due to extra curricular activities. I have debated with myself many times whether I should take them out of their activities. But I wanted them to have as much a normal life as possible. And some of the support goes into college savings as well. That's how it ended up being 50% more.

Fair enough. Red turned to yellow flag. If you want to make that green: show that you are an involved father that isn’t pushing the full mental load of parenting onto the mother. Sign the kids up for their xcs yourself (presumably, these are weekend activities that YOU are taking them to?!) and manage a college savings account yourself. Why are pushing all that onto the mother? Sheesh, you sound just like my ex when we were married. Thankfully, our negotiated settlement spells out exactly who signs up and pays based on the season (our kids do fall and spring sports).

You have your kids 3 out of 7 days, yet seem to only “write a check” and then wallow in your self-pity.

There we go again. There we go again

There what goes again? Getting called out for being the lazy parent?