How do you approach dating when you are broke?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have my kids Friday evening until Monday morning.

This will add another challenge to dating, but it's not the end of the world. Yes, just get on an app and start going on dates. Post GOOD pics. Have a good profile. Ask friends for advice. Follow dating coaches on Instagram. Read reddit threads about how to make the most of the apps. It's easy to get overwhelmed and that won't help your confidence. Pay for the premium plan. Every friend of mine agrees with this.

Also, women should not know anything about your finances for several dates.

Women will find your dedication to your children attractive. They will find your guitar playing attractive.

-A guy in a similar situation

OP here. Thanks for sharing your advice.

My partner is super attractive. When he showed up on our date and opened with “hey I’m &$@&& I live in my parents basement” I got a little wet. That face combined with that sort of self deprecating honesty got him in the door. I had been seeing fat old “generous” men and men posing by their boat their Mercedes their…..whatever- and I found his lack of ego super disarming and sexy.

Frankly I needed a lover who is at my house all the time because I have two dogs. I’m happy to make my beautiful home out love shack

He’s a medical professional who works 12 hour hospital shifts, often overnight. He makes $125- so does fine- but has THREE kids so yep he’s broke! Again- I don’t need his money but I like his love and companionship and sex. I like it a lot.

oh, be careful with these attractive medical professionals. A lot of bacterial and viral infections in hospitals that they tend to pick up randomly. ..

Gosh thank you so much. I’m a dr- he’s an ERZ PA and hung like a horse and we will defffff keep this in mind! Appreciate you! Kind sexless soul.

Hung as a horse actually is not everything (by far) for good sex. Even not pleasant for some women.
And if he’s a PA, he’s not broke . He just doesn’t have money to send on YOU.
If a pretty young nurse crosses his path when he slightly improves his finances, you’ll be forgotten in no time.
Happened way too often in my circle with these younger dudes, so I’m beyond the stage of bragging to anyone about dating younger.

DP.

So what if it ends eventually? PP is having an amazing time with the guy. Good for her! She has made it very clear that she does not need anyone spending on her. She gets what she needs from the relationship. Why do you seem triggered by that? And yes, he is broke relative to her.

[Anonymous]

Ignore half the posts in this thread with women putting you down. They assume a man has to meet every requirement on a 100-item list to be datable.

I'm male and have a good friend who recently got divorced, similar age to you, and also not great living conditions since a huge part of his income goes to child support and related costs.

Your target market is single mothers. They already have kids, and they already know it's tough to date when you have them.

Online dating can be tough, as it's tough to come across as your best on there. He had mild sucess there, only with women who live at least an hour away from here and were willing to drive to see him (not many options where they live, I guess).

The other place to meet people is in-person. You have your kids a few days a week. Guess who is at the same activities as you go to with them: single mothers! For example, this is the time of year when a lot of counties around here have their county fair. Go with your kids during the day (nighttime is teenagers making trouble) and they're all over the place. Same with malls at stores kids like; and playgrounds; museums, you name it. I'm happily married, but I notice when I take my kids to any of these events, there's a lot more mothers there solo wtih their kids than fathers, but a long shot. Also, they can see how you interact with your kids and how you're a good father.

Statistically, the odds are in your favor. DC in general has more single women than men, and that goes up as age rises.

Just work on any self-esteem problems you have first. A confident man is always attractive.

[Anonymous]

The Op makes a decent living, he just has obligations that reduce his standard of living. To my way of thinking, the Op does have his act together. He's a man of integrity who works hard to support his children.

There are plenty of free or low cost things to do in the area. There's no need to blow $$$$$. And any woman who would expect the Op to spend a lot of money on a date is probably not going to be feasible relationship material anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have my kids Friday evening until Monday morning.

This will add another challenge to dating, but it's not the end of the world. Yes, just get on an app and start going on dates. Post GOOD pics. Have a good profile. Ask friends for advice. Follow dating coaches on Instagram. Read reddit threads about how to make the most of the apps. It's easy to get overwhelmed and that won't help your confidence. Pay for the premium plan. Every friend of mine agrees with this.

Also, women should not know anything about your finances for several dates.

Women will find your dedication to your children attractive. They will find your guitar playing attractive.

-A guy in a similar situation

OP here. Thanks for sharing your advice.

My partner is super attractive. When he showed up on our date and opened with “hey I’m &$@&& I live in my parents basement” I got a little wet. That face combined with that sort of self deprecating honesty got him in the door. I had been seeing fat old “generous” men and men posing by their boat their Mercedes their…..whatever- and I found his lack of ego super disarming and sexy.

Frankly I needed a lover who is at my house all the time because I have two dogs. I’m happy to make my beautiful home out love shack

He’s a medical professional who works 12 hour hospital shifts, often overnight. He makes $125- so does fine- but has THREE kids so yep he’s broke! Again- I don’t need his money but I like his love and companionship and sex. I like it a lot.

oh, be careful with these attractive medical professionals. A lot of bacterial and viral infections in hospitals that they tend to pick up randomly. ..

Gosh thank you so much. I’m a dr- he’s an ERZ PA and hung like a horse and we will defffff keep this in mind! Appreciate you! Kind sexless soul.

Hung as a horse actually is not everything (by far) for good sex. Even not pleasant for some women.
And if he’s a PA, he’s not broke . He just doesn’t have money to send on YOU.
If a pretty young nurse crosses his path when he slightly improves his finances, you’ll be forgotten in no time.
Happened way too often in my circle with these younger dudes, so I’m beyond the stage of bragging to anyone about dating younger.

Ew did you really do this?

Why so triggered? Did you get dumped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Op makes a decent living, he just has obligations that reduce his standard of living. To my way of thinking, the Op does have his act together. He's a man of integrity who works hard to support his children.

There are plenty of free or low cost things to do in the area. There's no need to blow $$$$$. And any woman who would expect the Op to spend a lot of money on a date is probably not going to be feasible relationship material anyway.

How OP is going to contribute to any joint expenses with a potential partner? No weekend trips, no international vacations, no membership based sports? only free dates in museums. If a woman if already accustomed to such standard of living on her own, she would either have to continue doing all of it alone, or bankroll him.

This makes HIM not a relationship material, not the women.

He needs to look for women in similar situation but based on my own dating experience men like that tend to look for sugar mamma

[Anonymous]

Has OP said how much money he has to put towards dating?

If it's literally zero or close to zero then yeah he's gonna have a hard time having the companionship he likely is looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have my kids Friday evening until Monday morning.

This will add another challenge to dating, but it's not the end of the world. Yes, just get on an app and start going on dates. Post GOOD pics. Have a good profile. Ask friends for advice. Follow dating coaches on Instagram. Read reddit threads about how to make the most of the apps. It's easy to get overwhelmed and that won't help your confidence. Pay for the premium plan. Every friend of mine agrees with this.

Also, women should not know anything about your finances for several dates.

Women will find your dedication to your children attractive. They will find your guitar playing attractive.

-A guy in a similar situation

OP here. Thanks for sharing your advice.

My partner is super attractive. When he showed up on our date and opened with “hey I’m &$@&& I live in my parents basement” I got a little wet. That face combined with that sort of self deprecating honesty got him in the door. I had been seeing fat old “generous” men and men posing by their boat their Mercedes their…..whatever- and I found his lack of ego super disarming and sexy.

Frankly I needed a lover who is at my house all the time because I have two dogs. I’m happy to make my beautiful home out love shack

He’s a medical professional who works 12 hour hospital shifts, often overnight. He makes $125- so does fine- but has THREE kids so yep he’s broke! Again- I don’t need his money but I like his love and companionship and sex. I like it a lot.

oh, be careful with these attractive medical professionals. A lot of bacterial and viral infections in hospitals that they tend to pick up randomly. ..

Gosh thank you so much. I’m a dr- he’s an ERZ PA and hung like a horse and we will defffff keep this in mind! Appreciate you! Kind sexless soul.

Hung as a horse actually is not everything (by far) for good sex. Even not pleasant for some women.
And if he’s a PA, he’s not broke . He just doesn’t have money to send on YOU.
If a pretty young nurse crosses his path when he slightly improves his finances, you’ll be forgotten in no time.
Happened way too often in my circle with these younger dudes, so I’m beyond the stage of bragging to anyone about dating younger.

Ew did you really do this?

Why so triggered? Did you get dumped?

Im not closely attracted to leeches younger men who seek free p…y. The examples of dumped older women are plentiful in circle. One mud 50s woman lived with an athletic coach in her own house until he started bringing mid 20s “friends” while she was on business trips. The examples of male translational nature are horrid enough for me to avoid much younger men. 1-3 years of age difference are ok in my experience, it’s basically same age peers. Any wealthy woman has plentiful access to this quality d..,k.

I’m always able to find slightly older men who have provider mentality and are equal partners with me, both in and outside bedroom.

Bragging about well hung lover online is super shallow for a 50 yo woman. She doesn’t even realize that.

[Anonymous]

Oh it’s DEEP, not shallow, I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh it’s DEEP, not shallow, I promise.

Oh that’s not a flex you think it is. Plenty of well endowed men out there who also can genuinely care for their woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to get yourself together first. Stabilize financially and focus on friendships. No situationships. No FWB.

Otherwise, you will end up paying CS for another kid you can’t afford and all three will suffer.

This. A lot of men have done well post divorce. For some men they view it as a challenge to build themselves back up financially.

The VAST majority of divorced men I know in their 40s have actually not done well at all. Very few of these guys have climbed out of the emotional and financial hole. When two professionals are involved in a divorce, the dude almost always loses, or so it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP was correct in his assessment. The responses here clearly show that the burden on men are much higher when it comes to what they bring on the table.

What does a woman in the same exact situation as OP brings to the table? Just wondering..

Are you being intentionally obtuse, or are you just naive?

Every study on the planet finds that on average men prioritize women who are sexually attractive and women prioritize men who can provide resources.

Of course the burden on men is “higher” to bring resources; at the same time there is more burden on women to bring an attractive appearance.

[Anonymous]

Stay in your lane, OP and you’ll be fine. Date a single mom your age with limited time and resources who doesn’t want anything from you but casual hookups. Look hard and you will find her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

OP here. I totally agree with you. I don't necessarily consider my career to have been a total failure. In this economy I am thankful to have a job where I make $210k. For some of you it's nothing I get it.

Yes you kid of stated the obvious ain't no catch i am not acting like one. I am just venting chill a bit.

So you make a doctor’s salary, but you live in a one-bedroom apartment and are otherwise broke?
You need to get it together, man. Why are you giving your ex-wife all of your money? Why can’t you get at least a decent apartment to live in where you can have your kids?
It sounds like you are hell-bent on being kind of pathetic and self-deprecating. That can be sort of adorable when you are younger, but it is not attractive in a middle-aged man.

The fact that you don’t have a lot of money isn’t as bad as this Eeyore mentality.

Haven’t read all the posts but i agree with you. Op sounds like a ‘nice’ guy and that’s probably the reason why his wife left him. I m sure he’s paying decent amount of child support already, there’s no need for him to pay 50% more. A man can be ‘nice’, but if he is not assertive then no desirable woman will want him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Op makes a decent living, he just has obligations that reduce his standard of living. To my way of thinking, the Op does have his act together. He's a man of integrity who works hard to support his children.

There are plenty of free or low cost things to do in the area. There's no need to blow $$$$$. And any woman who would expect the Op to spend a lot of money on a date is probably not going to be feasible relationship material anyway.

I agree about the dating costs but this goes much deeper than that. OP is in a position where he cannot really be a full financial partner to anyone because he has child support obligations. So OP really does have to think about what he is expecting out of a relationship and what kind of partner he can reasonably be. It is not reasonable, for example, for him to date women that want to get married and have more kids. He cannot afford more kids. The suggestion of dating other single parents may make the most sense as long as that parent accepts his limited ability to contribute financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay in your lane, OP and you’ll be fine. Date a single mom your age with limited time and resources who doesn’t want anything from you but casual hookups. Look hard and you will find her.

Dont do this. Living in sin is wrong and not worth it. Get married.