How do you approach dating when you are broke?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a confidence issue more than a money issue. Lots of women would date a guy like you, especially if he's in decent shape and financially stable (though not well off). The key is to do things that are fun. Many fun things are free or inexpensive.

Running and hiking. Going to festivals and hearing some lesser known bands play live music. Cooking at home. Many galleries and museums (especially in DC). Use your imagination. You don't have to take your date to dinner at The Palm and a show at the Kennedy Center.

OP here. You are probably correct about the confidence issue. I guess I need a change in mindset. While my salary is not low, I am also investing a good chunk of what's left after I pay child support. I am 46 and I am prioritizing retirement.

As far as fun things. Yes I have been doing free stuff like hiking, running, festivals. The only extra expanse that I have is that I have a guitar teacher. It's a hobby I picked up in my early 40s and now that I have more time I spend a lot of time on it. It's good for my mental health.

I have my kids Friday evening until Monday morning. This schedule works for the kids. I also see them one night during the week for dinner. And I speak to them every night as well.

Maybe I should just myself out there and see what happens. The horror stories from OLD though aren't encouraging.

[Anonymous]

My husband will never make what you're making, OP. He's a research scientist and is confident and very fit. Some things are more important than money.

Also, don't be stupid. Don't send more than your decree states, because at some point college will roll around and that costs the earth: in-state costs 30-40K a year, total cost of attendance, if you can get in. UMD has become selective, UVA is even harder to get into these days. Privates cost 80K a year, total cost of attendance. You need to save for your children's colleges. You don't want their mother to spend your money on unimportant, consumable stuff now, when you could be investing it for their post-high school education.

[Anonymous]

Women will perhaps disagree with my opinion, but I think it's true. Our society expect men not to be "broke". If OP were a woman in the same exact scenario, the same women pounding on OP will be cheering her up and telling her she will have no issues finding a guy.

When women are broke it's okay. Excuses are made for them..When men are broke it's their own fault.

[Anonymous]

You would be someone I would consider dating. However, after finding out that you provide 50% more than decreed (assuming the amount is based on need calculation) on child support, I would immediately eliminate you as marriage potential.

Big red flag for me that you are either holding on to guilt or that you trust your ex more than yourself to provide for your children. Why not invest that money in a college savings account or other investment vehicle that will eventually go to your kids?

[Anonymous]

I have my kids Friday evening until Monday morning.

This will add another challenge to dating, but it's not the end of the world. Yes, just get on an app and start going on dates. Post GOOD pics. Have a good profile. Ask friends for advice. Follow dating coaches on Instagram. Read reddit threads about how to make the most of the apps. It's easy to get overwhelmed and that won't help your confidence. Pay for the premium plan. Every friend of mine agrees with this.

Also, women should not know anything about your finances for several dates.

Women will find your dedication to your children attractive. They will find your guitar playing attractive.

-A guy in a similar situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would be someone I would consider dating. However, after finding out that you provide 50% more than decreed (assuming the amount is based on need calculation) on child support, I would immediately eliminate you as marriage potential.

Big red flag for me that you are either holding on to guilt or that you trust your ex more than yourself to provide for your children. Why not invest that money in a college savings account or other investment vehicle that will eventually go to your kids?

OP here. The reason I send more is due to extra curricular activities. I have debated with myself many times whether I should take them out of their activities. But I wanted them to have as much a normal life as possible. And some of the support goes into college savings as well. That's how it ended up being 50% more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have my kids Friday evening until Monday morning.

This will add another challenge to dating, but it's not the end of the world. Yes, just get on an app and start going on dates. Post GOOD pics. Have a good profile. Ask friends for advice. Follow dating coaches on Instagram. Read reddit threads about how to make the most of the apps. It's easy to get overwhelmed and that won't help your confidence. Pay for the premium plan. Every friend of mine agrees with this.

Also, women should not know anything about your finances for several dates.

Women will find your dedication to your children attractive. They will find your guitar playing attractive.

-A guy in a similar situation

OP here. Thanks for sharing your advice.

[Anonymous]

I have said this a million times. Divorced men post 40 are done. They simply are..all their options are awful. Divorced women in their 40s don't have the same constraints simply because the expectations that men have for these women are far more flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women will perhaps disagree with my opinion, but I think it's true. Our society expect men not to be "broke". If OP were a woman in the same exact scenario, the same women pounding on OP will be cheering her up and telling her she will have no issues finding a guy.

When women are broke it's okay. Excuses are made for them..When men are broke it's their own fault.

You think broke 46 year old women in DC have great dating options? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women will perhaps disagree with my opinion, but I think it's true. Our society expect men not to be "broke". If OP were a woman in the same exact scenario, the same women pounding on OP will be cheering her up and telling her she will have no issues finding a guy.

When women are broke it's okay. Excuses are made for them..When men are broke it's their own fault.

You think broke 46 year old women in DC have great dating options? Really?

Yes I do 100%. Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have said this a million times. Divorced men post 40 are done. They simply are..all their options are awful. Divorced women in their 40s don't have the same constraints simply because the expectations that men have for these women are far more flexible.

20:32 again

This is BS. Dating post 40 can be hard but it's what you make of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a confidence issue more than a money issue. Lots of women would date a guy like you, especially if he's in decent shape and financially stable (though not well off). The key is to do things that are fun. Many fun things are free or inexpensive.

Running and hiking. Going to festivals and hearing some lesser known bands play live music. Cooking at home. Many galleries and museums (especially in DC). Use your imagination. You don't have to take your date to dinner at The Palm and a show at the Kennedy Center.

OP here. You are probably correct about the confidence issue. I guess I need a change in mindset. While my salary is not low, I am also investing a good chunk of what's left after I pay child support. I am 46 and I am prioritizing retirement.

As far as fun things. Yes I have been doing free stuff like hiking, running, festivals. The only extra expanse that I have is that I have a guitar teacher. It's a hobby I picked up in my early 40s and now that I have more time I spend a lot of time on it. It's good for my mental health.

I have my kids Friday evening until Monday morning. This schedule works for the kids. I also see them one night during the week for dinner. And I speak to them every night as well.

Maybe I should just myself out there and see what happens. The horror stories from OLD though aren't encouraging.

You bring your kids to your one bedroom apartment on the bad side of town during peak party/crazy time, the weekend?

[Anonymous]

OP, it just seems like you don't prioritize dating at all. Why are you asking how to date if you don't want to prioritize it? I would think that the man just wants to get non-committed sex and no experiences together, or it would be all at my expense. No weekends out of town, cookouts etc - what couples do together.

So don't date if you can't date. Put it on profile that you are looking for something casual and have sex with women who are interested. Just be forthcoming and open about it.

I'm freaking tired of meeting men who tell on date 5-6 that they live with a roommate. And then get furious that women use questionnaire. If you live with a roommate you should focus on getting your s...t together and not building a new relationship.

I am a woman and I worked for 20 years for my financial stability. I am looking for an equal partner or I'll single. I don't give occasional sex to men who don't prioritize relationships and relationships cost money. I won't subsidize anyone

[Anonymous]

OP, as a 40yo woman, a man who prioritizes investing and retirement, and spends his money on his kids’ extracurriculars rather than taking them out so he can blow it on women or golf, is extremely attractive. *Extemely*.

However, a 23 year old won’t think it’s attractive. A young, gorgeous woman is going to expect a man to spend his money on her.

As long as you pick a woman in your price range, you’ll be fine. Stick with women your own age, don’t go for the young 9s/10s.

Since you mentioned you’re afraid of OLD - don’t be. Set your age limits appropriately (35-45), fill out your profile thoroughly, and when you match, take the initiate to send a thoughtful message that shows you look at her profile and are interested in her specifically. Engage in some conversation on the app, then suggest a date you think she’d enjoy. You’ll do okay.

[Anonymous]

As long as you are working hard and supporting your children, then I think women would find that to be a wonderful quality to have in a potential mate.

There is a difference between being broke because you are supporting your children vs. being a broke bum.

I think many women would be happy ➕ even willing to date a guy w/not much money as long as he is ensuring his children have everything they need.

Try to be patient - - there are women out there that would appreciate a good man like you❣️