How do you approach dating when you are broke?

[Anonymous]

How do you approach dating when you are broke? I'm 46 and been sick red for a year now. I haven't even tried dating. I'm just in a me-phase gym, healthy diet, plenty of sleep, mindfulness and just positive energy.

The thing is I am broke though. I am paying child support for 2 kids. They live in a great 3 bedroom apartment with mom (who is dating younger) in a great school district. I'm happy my kids are in a healthy and safe environment.

Me on the hand I am not in a very nice part of town, in a 1 bedroom apartment. I will make that sacrifice all over again for my kids no regrets. If I didn't make this sacrifice (I am sending 50% more than required by the decree) I would be living in a nicer place and probably happier.

Some days like today though I'm down, lonely and wish I had a companion. But then when I read how judgemental so many women on this forum are I wonder how the hell can I even date if I am this broke. I get it money is important, many of the women here claim they have their own money and money doesn't matte, but then when at the same time say a guy making X is broke, a guy making X shouldn't be dating etc. of course it's not all women but it's a lot of them.

Do broke women like me, wonder about the same as well? Or is it just broke men that are out of luck.

Okay rant over lol. Thanks for reading.

[Anonymous]

You need to get yourself together first. Stabilize financially and focus on friendships. No situationships. No FWB.

Otherwise, you will end up paying CS for another kid you can’t afford and all three will suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to get yourself together first. Stabilize financially and focus on friendships. No situationships. No FWB.

Otherwise, you will end up paying CS for another kid you can’t afford and all three will suffer.

This. A lot of men have done well post divorce. For some men they view it as a challenge to build themselves back up financially.

[Anonymous]

You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

[Anonymous]

You don’t. Get your money up and then start dating again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

OP here. I totally agree with you. I don't necessarily consider my career to have been a total failure. In this economy I am thankful to have a job where I make $210k. For some of you it's nothing I get it.

Yes you kid of stated the obvious ain't no catch i am not acting like one. I am just venting chill a bit.

[Anonymous]

There are women who will date you. It's just a question of whether they're women you want to date. Nothing is a deal breaker for everyone..

[Anonymous]

The responses here so far are scary. Now I understand why people who once had money suddenly decide to end their lives when they go trough hardship. It's crazy how much some of you see everything through money.

I'm glad my husband took a chance on me a simple staff making $70k at a nonprofit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

He isn’t even divorced yet.

This could drag on years.

[Anonymous]

You need to work on yourself and your finances first. Get ripped at the gym and stay single until you can afford a house. No desirable woman wants to date what you described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The responses here so far are scary. Now I understand why people who once had money suddenly decide to end their lives when they go trough hardship. It's crazy how much some of you see everything through money.

I'm glad my husband took a chance on me a simple staff making $70k at a nonprofit.

I'd much prefer to date a person with no kids who makes $70k at a nonprofit than a divorcee with 3 kids and tons of support obligations. Dating someone with young kids, child support, kids’ expenses, and college looming - hard no. But I don't speak for all women - OP will find someone.

[Anonymous]

-If you are overweight, even at all, lose weight. Get your weight down to BMI 24 at the highest.

-Are you in DC? There are tons of free things to do in DC. The Smithsonian is your friend. Free events at embassies, etc.

-Why don't you have more custody of your kids? That would be a red flag for me.

[Anonymous]

I'm dating someone who pays thousands a month in alimony to an XW who ended up with a higher net worth than him after their divorce. He makes about $300K. There are plenty of women who don't need for their partner to have tons of disposable income or an upscale address. For a woman who makes about $150K like me, so long as you aren't a drain financially, then you are a net positive financially. Of course, that assumes you're looking for a LTR where you'd eventually share a home and expenses. If you just want date nights out on the town with hot babes, you'll need lots of cash to throw around for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

OP here. I totally agree with you. I don't necessarily consider my career to have been a total failure. In this economy I am thankful to have a job where I make $210k. For some of you it's nothing I get it.

Yes you kid of stated the obvious ain't no catch i am not acting like one. I am just venting chill a bit.

So you make a doctor’s salary, but you live in a one-bedroom apartment and are otherwise broke?
You need to get it together, man. Why are you giving your ex-wife all of your money? Why can’t you get at least a decent apartment to live in where you can have your kids?
It sounds like you are hell-bent on being kind of pathetic and self-deprecating. That can be sort of adorable when you are younger, but it is not attractive in a middle-aged man.

The fact that you don’t have a lot of money isn’t as bad as this Eeyore mentality.

[Anonymous]

How much do you have saved for retirement?