How do you approach dating when you are broke?

[Anonymous]

OP this feels like a troll post but okay.

I’m dating a super attractive 42 year old guy who is pretty broke! The reason it works is because I don’t really need anything from him- financially. I want his money to be spent on his kids. I am financially independent and value things like honesty, humor, reliability, intellect, heart and sexual compatibility before I consider money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

So mean! Are you implying having his kids full time would make him MORE of a catch?

Having some kind of custody of his kids, living in an apartment his kids could stay in, and having some kind of self-respect would make him MORE of a catch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP this feels like a troll post but okay.

I’m dating a super attractive 42 year old guy who is pretty broke! The reason it works is because I don’t really need anything from him- financially. I want his money to be spent on his kids. I am financially independent and value things like honesty, humor, reliability, intellect, heart and sexual compatibility before I consider money.

How old are you vs his 42?
OP probably wants to date younger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a confidence issue more than a money issue. Lots of women would date a guy like you, especially if he's in decent shape and financially stable (though not well off). The key is to do things that are fun. Many fun things are free or inexpensive.

Running and hiking. Going to festivals and hearing some lesser known bands play live music. Cooking at home. Many galleries and museums (especially in DC). Use your imagination. You don't have to take your date to dinner at The Palm and a show at the Kennedy Center.

Yes! Exactly!

[Anonymous]

It’s possible you may find someone to be a companion, but your focus is on your kids- and I commend you for that. It’s honorable and attractive. Many women would be happy to date someone like you, not expecting marriage or full time attention, in order to support your commitments to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The responses here so far are scary. Now I understand why people who once had money suddenly decide to end their lives when they go trough hardship. It's crazy how much some of you see everything through money.

I'm glad my husband took a chance on me a simple staff making $70k at a nonprofit.

You were probably hot which is men’s priority.

Women on the other hand don’t want a scrub.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are giving your ex 50% more than child support (based on what calculation if not divorced?), but don't have custody of your kids at all? Its the last part that would get me....

This- it's like he's guilty of something.
Maybe why he didn't get custody.
Dude you need to work on yourself and be a good in-person dad to your kids and not just a wallet.

Yeah. I agree. Sounds kind of co-dependent with the ex. Not asking for any custody of the kids. Not making her get a job.

[Anonymous]

The big red flag for me is you pot having any custody of your kids.
No deadbeats and sending a check is you fulfilling your financial obligation not being a father.


Now if read it wrong and you are involved and have 50% custody.

Then you need a few things.

Therapy you sound like a sad sack . Get your depression under control.
Exercise you can walk, run, bike.it will be good for your.physical and mental health and you can do these activities with your kids
Move to a safer lower cost area.
Get your finances right increase your income. You are 46 year old man prime earning time
Basically cut the pity party and get moving.

It sounds like you want a woman to be your entertainment and babysitter and coddle you that's not what you want in a relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t. Get your money up and then start dating again.

This. It’s not that you can’t date broke, but what you catch won’t be worth the time and effort involved and may wind up leaving you more broke. Get your earnings and assets back up for a few years you will have no problem dating younger when you are 50 with older kids and more assets.

[Anonymous]

Do you see your children? It doesnt sound like you have custody if you live in a 1b in bad part of town?

A lot of women are going to be turned off at hearing "I have 3 kids I never see, I'm a check-sending type of Dad".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

OP here. I totally agree with you. I don't necessarily consider my career to have been a total failure. In this economy I am thankful to have a job where I make $210k. For some of you it's nothing I get it.

Yes you kid of stated the obvious ain't no catch i am not acting like one. I am just venting chill a bit.

OP, don't take this PP's comments personally. There are troll(s) that go from thread to thread with the intent to kick people down when they already are hurting. That's on them, no reflection on you.

$210K is a very nice income. This area is tough with the HCOL. If you truly are paying 50% more than required by court decree, you sound like you are a nice person. Some nice lady is going to make note of that. Money isn't everything but nice human beings are worth their weight in gold. Join social groups such as hiking groups and see where things go.

[Anonymous]

I think one benefit of being older and dating, is that many of the women you'll be dating will have their own money. I don't really care what a man makes, as long as I don't have to support him. That is, as long as you are going for women around your age. If you try to date 22 year olds, yes they will expect to be pampered by their elderly BF. But another 40 year old? IMO, less of a worry.

I'd be extremely concerned that you're a dead beat who doesn't want to be part of his kids lives though. Paying child support is great (I mean, obligated, but still good), but don't you want to hang out with them? It gives off "I'm single and free now" which is pretty ick for a father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

OP here. I totally agree with you. I don't necessarily consider my career to have been a total failure. In this economy I am thankful to have a job where I make $210k. For some of you it's nothing I get it.

Yes you kid of stated the obvious ain't no catch i am not acting like one. I am just venting chill a bit.

OP, don't take this PP's comments personally. There are troll(s) that go from thread to thread with the intent to kick people down when they already are hurting. That's on them, no reflection on you.

$210K is a very nice income. This area is tough with the HCOL. If you truly are paying 50% more than required by court decree, you sound like you are a nice person. Some nice lady is going to make note of that. Money isn't everything but nice human beings are worth their weight in gold. Join social groups such as hiking groups and see where things go.

Not sure even the nicest of women are going to want to date a man who plays martyr to his ex-wife and kids and is broke himself. They may think he's a nice guy, but not a good partner for them. The problem with dating a man like this is that he starts leeching off the women he dates to support another woman and her kids effectively.

If OP can cook, he can date women his own age - coffee dates, hikes, eventually bring them over for a nice meal that he cooks. That could win some points. Some women wants NSA relationships because they are busy with their own kids. They are fine with a 50/50 relationship.

[Anonymous]

Where did people get the idea that OP doesn’t see his kids?

[Anonymous]

Date other broke people.

Have you looked at the panhandlers and homeless population? All you have to do is take them on one shopping trip to walmart + a good scrub, a health and drug test, haircut - and for food and shelter you will have a wonderful partner in your life.