Why do women stay after their husbands affair(s)?

[Anonymous]

Money, they don't make enough or any money. Older, clinging on the married status like it's a prize. Very low self esteem, they don't believe they can do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money, they don't make enough or any money. Older, clinging on the married status like it's a prize. Very low self esteem, they don't believe they can do better.

It’s so easy to Monday morning quarterback

[Anonymous]

I don't know how I'd ever get over it or be able to stay but I'm also not narrow-minded enough to say that I know how I'd react to every situation life might throw at me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my husband wanted to have an affair and stay married, I’d probably say yes. I think I’d prefer to know, but if it has already happened I would rather not.

Honestly this just isn’t my thing, sexual fidelity is not my most important kind of fidelity. But a relationship would really bother me.

An affair IS a relationship. It's not a fling or a one-night stand.

[Anonymous]

If we didn’t have a life and a family together and being divorced meant that we split everything in half, and I never had to see him again, then yes, I would divorce.

That’s not reality though. In real life, you choose between living your life with a man who has messed up and is sorry or watching your kids spend half of their time with the man you love and thought you were building your life with and his new girlfriend or wife. And you have to make nice with both of them and your kids have to deal with step-siblings or half-siblings.

Oh, and you don’t want to disparage your ex-spouse to the kids, so if your spouse doesn’t want the divorce, then you get to be the bad guy who ended the marriage and blew up everyone’s lives. At best you share the blame. Even if it was 100% his fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. When a woman starts a thread saying she is filing for divorce due to an affair she is encouraged and defended. When a man then ask those who choose to stay why they do so, suddenly the women are doing the right thing. Lol. Which is it?!

Each one is doing what is right for them. I had two friends, one of whom stayed after an affair and one of whom got divorced. I supported both of them, because each of them made the right decision for them, and frankly what I thought or what I thought I'd do (no way of actually knowing until you're in that situation) didn't matter at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids, money, lives entwined. Divorce and single motherhood are a poverty ticket for women.

Male privilege is, I can get another job, I can get another wife, someone else will watch my kids (the ex), I can make more kids (pregnancy can be difficult and the consequences long lasting). I can make a new family even though I'm 40/50/55 whatever.

In must be doing something wrong as divorced single dad sad 👀

I am struggling a lot financially in part because our kids have extracurricular activities that they love and I don't want to take that away from them. I am renting a one bedroom and sleeping on the couch. I have the bedroom tommy daughter for when she visits.

The male privilege you are talking about is a myth. I have been looking for a better job but no luck yet. Why should I have my ex watch my kids when it's my turn? How can I start a new family when I am having nightmares about college expenses in a few years? We throw this male privilege crap all the time and put all men in the same category.

Divorce is a ticket to poverty for men as well. We just don't dominate the grievance space so some of us are forgotten or worse blamed I guess for not being competitive enough who knows

I'm not the PP and perhaps you're right about the grievance space but I think it's also pretty clear that men are generally better off financially after a divorce than women, because men work more and make more. You may not be in that boat with those men, but I think that has something to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think women with good earning (lawyers, doctors etc) are more likely to leave because they have the means to survive. Women who stay tend to be financially dependent on their husbands.

Absolutely. I'm a lawyer and my husband hasn't cheated on me (that I know of, since I'm sure at least one troll will say that he for sure has), but I know that we're both in the marriage voluntarily since either of us has the ability to leave. It's like we choose every day to stay together, and obviously our kids are part of that equation, but I like the fact that neither of us holds any cards over the other. I have many female friends who couldn't afford to get divorced and would (and have) put up with anything their husbands do because they have no other choice.

[Anonymous]

Women don’t want to give up 50% of their time with their kids and have them raised by the ex’s ho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. When a woman starts a thread saying she is filing for divorce due to an affair she is encouraged and defended. When a man then ask those who choose to stay why they do so, suddenly the women are doing the right thing. Lol. Which is it?!

Each one is doing what is right for them. I had two friends, one of whom stayed after an affair and one of whom got divorced. I supported both of them, because each of them made the right decision for them, and frankly what I thought or what I thought I'd do (no way of actually knowing until you're in that situation) didn't matter at all.

+1. 65% stay married after an affair. I’ve seen women with great careers and very good looking stay. They aren’t weak. They did what was in their heart and right for them and their families. Frankly, some of these marriages end up much happier than ones where nobody cheated but they don’t really like each other. People make mistakes over 30, 40 years, etc. It’s more important what amends are made, what true remorse there is and what they do going forward. Nobody truly knows what’s it’s like or what they would actually do unless they had it happen in a long marriage with kids and a life intertwined.

People who judge have their own issues. I think often it’s the jilted APs starting these posts. Why else would anyone care?

[Anonymous]

I wonder why women stay with men who don’t do anything around the house or are absent fathers/partners. Who are alcoholics. Who are controlling with money. Who golf every weekend. Who are MAGA. Who are slovenly.
I guess we’re all different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women don’t want to give up 50% of their time with their kids and have them raised by the ex’s ho.

It's this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading some of these responses I see why men cheat. There are no consequences.

Sadly that's true. One of my wife's friend is very successful far more than her husband. This woman is incredibly beautiful, she is 35 and she were to be single tomorrow men will line up to date her. Her husband 10 years older than her cheated on her twice and each time she took him back. My wife told me that her friend said she has contemplated divorce but because she still loves him she couldn't go through with it.

And then my wife joked with me that if I didn't the same thing she would divorce me asap. I then asked her so you don't love me enough? She said not if you cheated on me...

I guess very relationship is unique. I do think though women are more forgiving.

But men though shouldn't take this as comfort or green light to cheat. Women never forget. Let me say it again women never forget it. And a woman who was hurt 10 years ago will make you pay for that hurt 10 years later when you least expect it and thought everything was going great.

You seem to see the world as one big stereotype. I wouldn’t stay with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women don’t want to give up 50% of their time with their kids and have them raised by the ex’s ho.

It's this.

Absolutely this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. When a woman starts a thread saying she is filing for divorce due to an affair she is encouraged and defended. When a man then ask those who choose to stay why they do so, suddenly the women are doing the right thing. Lol. Which is it?!

Each one is doing what is right for them. I had two friends, one of whom stayed after an affair and one of whom got divorced. I supported both of them, because each of them made the right decision for them, and frankly what I thought or what I thought I'd do (no way of actually knowing until you're in that situation) didn't matter at all.

+1. 65% stay married after an affair. I’ve seen women with great careers and very good looking stay. They aren’t weak. They did what was in their heart and right for them and their families. Frankly, some of these marriages end up much happier than ones where nobody cheated but they don’t really like each other. People make mistakes over 30, 40 years, etc. It’s more important what amends are made, what true remorse there is and what they do going forward. Nobody truly knows what’s it’s like or what they would actually do unless they had it happen in a long marriage with kids and a life intertwined.

People who judge have their own issues. I think often it’s the jilted APs starting these posts. Why else would anyone care?

This. You only hear from the women who leave because they feel the need to defend their choices and have them confirmed. We’ve never told a single soul so nobody knows what happened and that we’ve worked it out.