Why do women stay after their husbands affair(s)?

[Anonymous]

Kids, money, lives entwined. Divorce and single motherhood are a poverty ticket for women.

Male privilege is, I can get another job, I can get another wife, someone else will watch my kids (the ex), I can make more kids (pregnancy can be difficult and the consequences long lasting). I can make a new family even though I'm 40/50/55 whatever.

[Anonymous]

I think more women pride themselves on keeping the family together and modeling a happy family than men do. I think they also are more afraid to be alone and often don't have the same availability of money. These are the main reasons why they allow cheating. That or they are brought up to think it's typical of men or they cheat themselves.

[Anonymous]

Maybe also they think there won't be many more years left? I know once later retirement age comes around people spend more time with the same sex than before since they don't have children to take care of. Maybe they think this person at least knows and cares about me in some capacity and it's better to be with them and have whatever care and money they can give and then inherit if they die early.

[Anonymous]

I also think women, and society as a whole, have a lower bar for men than we do for women. Men often seem to make idiotic, impetuous choices... this is why teenage boys, for example, can be so reckless and do such dangerous things. They can often be destructive and unthinking in the moment, and then devastated with long term consequences. Meaning I think some men can cheat on the spur of the moment but deeply regret it later, whereas women tend to be much more intentional about our actions (perhaps because society also judges us more harshly and holds us to a higher bar). So I think in some ways it's easier to forgive a man's indiscretion because you can just "know" that it was a meaningless f-up in the way women's actions usually arent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids, money, lives entwined. Divorce and single motherhood are a poverty ticket for women.

Male privilege is, I can get another job, I can get another wife, someone else will watch my kids (the ex), I can make more kids (pregnancy can be difficult and the consequences long lasting). I can make a new family even though I'm 40/50/55 whatever.

In must be doing something wrong as divorced single dad sad 👀

I am struggling a lot financially in part because our kids have extracurricular activities that they love and I don't want to take that away from them. I am renting a one bedroom and sleeping on the couch. I have the bedroom tommy daughter for when she visits.

The male privilege you are talking about is a myth. I have been looking for a better job but no luck yet. Why should I have my ex watch my kids when it's my turn? How can I start a new family when I am having nightmares about college expenses in a few years? We throw this male privilege crap all the time and put all men in the same category.

Divorce is a ticket to poverty for men as well. We just don't dominate the grievance space so some of us are forgotten or worse blamed I guess for not being competitive enough who knows

[Anonymous]

I think women with good earning (lawyers, doctors etc) are more likely to leave because they have the means to survive. Women who stay tend to be financially dependent on their husbands.

[Anonymous]

It’s almost always $$$$ OP.

Would these women stay if they had millions to their names in their bank accounts? Almost always the answer is no.

[Anonymous]

We're mammals and we've developed deeply ingrained survival instincts. When your husband cheats on you and you have tiny children, there's a biological incentive to stay. There may also be past trauma, internalized misogyny, financial insecurity . . . Many, many reasons. Frankly, I find the question lacks imagination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids, money, lives entwined. Divorce and single motherhood are a poverty ticket for women.

Male privilege is, I can get another job, I can get another wife, someone else will watch my kids (the ex), I can make more kids (pregnancy can be difficult and the consequences long lasting). I can make a new family even though I'm 40/50/55 whatever.

In must be doing something wrong as divorced single dad sad 👀

I am struggling a lot financially in part because our kids have extracurricular activities that they love and I don't want to take that away from them. I am renting a one bedroom and sleeping on the couch. I have the bedroom tommy daughter for when she visits.

The male privilege you are talking about is a myth. I have been looking for a better job but no luck yet. Why should I have my ex watch my kids when it's my turn? How can I start a new family when I am having nightmares about college expenses in a few years? We throw this male privilege crap all the time and put all men in the same category.

Divorce is a ticket to poverty for men as well. We just don't dominate the grievance space so some of us are forgotten or worse blamed I guess for not being competitive enough who knows

All good points - in the current economy, it s ucks for everyone. Which is another reason to stay married. It's cheaper to run one household vs. two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think women with good earning (lawyers, doctors etc) are more likely to leave because they have the means to survive. Women who stay tend to be financially dependent on their husbands.

I agree with this. Women with good jobs bounce back financially quicker too and find it easier to find a new partner because they aren’t looking for a meal ticket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also think women, and society as a whole, have a lower bar for men than we do for women. Men often seem to make idiotic, impetuous choices... this is why teenage boys, for example, can be so reckless and do such dangerous things. They can often be destructive and unthinking in the moment, and then devastated with long term consequences. Meaning I think some men can cheat on the spur of the moment but deeply regret it later, whereas women tend to be much more intentional about our actions (perhaps because society also judges us more harshly and holds us to a higher bar). So I think in some ways it's easier to forgive a man's indiscretion because you can just "know" that it was a meaningless f-up in the way women's actions usually arent.

100%

[Anonymous]

money, ego and the fact that women are taught that their entire worth is to have a husband and a marriage and if that ends she's worthless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:money, ego and the fact that women are taught that their entire worth is to have a husband and a marriage and if that ends she's worthless.

I know it’s 2025 but I think people are underestimating the affect of (the illusion) of status as a married woman, particularly if that woman is married to an outwardly successful man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do women stay after their husbands affair(s)? If my wife were to have an affair no second change and she knows it too. I have been faithful for 20 years and will continue to do so for.another 20 years or longer. Yet on this forum I see women after women day after day give all kind of excuses and reasons for staying with a man who cheated on them. Is it the fear of being alone? I hope not because being alone for the next 50 years is far better than sharing the same bed, bodily fluids etc with someone who betrayed you.

Maybe I am different from other men, but I think most men would leave after the first affair.

You sound immature. Men can cheat even when they love their partner and want to stay in the marriage. They are wired differently. This is why most women don’t throw everything out after the first strike. It’s when the cheating becomes repetitive and disrespectful that they leave.
Women tend to cheat when the love is gone and the marriage is broken beyond repair. That’s why men leave after the first affair because there is nothing left to save.

Your post has to be the most accurate piece I have ever read on here.

[Anonymous]

Men stay in relationships when women have affairs as they will lose the kids and pay a huge amount.