Why do women stay after their husbands affair(s)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why women stay with men who don’t do anything around the house or are absent fathers/partners. Who are alcoholics. Who are controlling with money. Who golf every weekend. Who are MAGA. Who are slovenly.
I guess we’re all different.

In the end, women are socialized to accept endless bad behavior from men. Cheating is just one of those behaviors. We have to raise our sons better, but how?

+1
All these women who stay after their husbands cheat on them are just teaching their kids the same thing. NBD, go f*** around on your spouse. If you’re a man, it’s expected, and she’ll stay. If you’re a woman, you better put up with it, lest *gasp* a divorce!

Oh come on- their kids have zero idea—particularly the ones with a happy household and nothing amiss, no fighting…plenty of men are in happy marriages and still banging their wives. Nobody knows. And if the spouse finds out they sure aren’t running to tell their kids in order to protect them.

Some of you watch way too much TV. Most affairs are never discovered.

Most affairs are not discovered, you’re right. But we’re talking about affairs that the wife knew about and chose to stay. People and children definitely find out about these. You are really delusional if you think kids don’t pick up on this kind of thing.

Yes, for example Melania Trump and Hilary Clinton.

+1
Staying is condoning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why women stay with men who don’t do anything around the house or are absent fathers/partners. Who are alcoholics. Who are controlling with money. Who golf every weekend. Who are MAGA. Who are slovenly.
I guess we’re all different.

In the end, women are socialized to accept endless bad behavior from men. Cheating is just one of those behaviors. We have to raise our sons better, but how?

+1
All these women who stay after their husbands cheat on them are just teaching their kids the same thing. NBD, go f*** around on your spouse. If you’re a man, it’s expected, and she’ll stay. If you’re a woman, you better put up with it, lest *gasp* a divorce!

Oh come on- their kids have zero idea—particularly the ones with a happy household and nothing amiss, no fighting…plenty of men are in happy marriages and still banging their wives. Nobody knows. And if the spouse finds out they sure aren’t running to tell their kids in order to protect them.

Some of you watch way too much TV. Most affairs are never discovered.

Most affairs are not discovered, you’re right. But we’re talking about affairs that the wife knew about and chose to stay. People and children definitely find out about these. You are really delusional if you think kids don’t pick up on this kind of thing.

Yes, for example Melania Trump and Hilary Clinton.

+1
Staying is condoning.

It's not condoning. It's called securing your future. When you date a rich and powerful man, sampling other women comes with the territory. He can have any supermodel he wants and chose you. That makes a difference. You can sit there and make moral complaints or just enjoy the good parts about the man you love and enjoy a solid future where your kids and retirement are taken care of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll tell you my perspective, as someone who left a cheater:

A) The devastation and betrayal was and is something that changed me on a cellular level. It changed my worldview forever.

B) There was no way I would ever have been able to love my spouse the way I had.

That said, MOST people in my life encouraged me to stay with my former spouse. I was told that people make mistakes blah blah blah. We had a toddler and I was pregnant when I found out. I left when my new baby was six months old.

The fallout was horrific and I am truly traumatized by the process of divorce. My former spouse further financially abused me and used his (then) superior financial position to humiliate me and take advantage of my vulnerability, particularly in the court system which rewards the party with more money by default.

He got custody. I got no retirement etc in the divorce and lost every single proceeding. I filed bankruptcy. I am STILL paying for his sins/the dissolution of our marriage and we separated eight years ago.

Logistically and otherwise, I DO understand why people stay. My tale is an example of everything that could have gone wrong, going wrong. But I definitely could not stay.

This is why our grandmothers looked the other way and kept it moving. I couldn't imagine going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why women stay with men who don’t do anything around the house or are absent fathers/partners. Who are alcoholics. Who are controlling with money. Who golf every weekend. Who are MAGA. Who are slovenly.
I guess we’re all different.

In the end, women are socialized to accept endless bad behavior from men. Cheating is just one of those behaviors. We have to raise our sons better, but how?

+1
All these women who stay after their husbands cheat on them are just teaching their kids the same thing. NBD, go f*** around on your spouse. If you’re a man, it’s expected, and she’ll stay. If you’re a woman, you better put up with it, lest *gasp* a divorce!

Oh come on- their kids have zero idea—particularly the ones with a happy household and nothing amiss, no fighting…plenty of men are in happy marriages and still banging their wives. Nobody knows. And if the spouse finds out they sure aren’t running to tell their kids in order to protect them.

Some of you watch way too much TV. Most affairs are never discovered.

Most affairs are not discovered, you’re right. But we’re talking about affairs that the wife knew about and chose to stay. People and children definitely find out about these. You are really delusional if you think kids don’t pick up on this kind of thing.

Yes, for example Melania Trump and Hilary Clinton.

+1
Staying is condoning.

It's not condoning. It's called securing your future. When you date a rich and powerful man, sampling other women comes with the territory. He can have any supermodel he wants and chose you. That makes a difference. You can sit there and make moral complaints or just enjoy the good parts about the man you love and enjoy a solid future where your kids and retirement are taken care of.

Ugh you’re so gross. I feel so badly for any children you’re raising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why women stay with men who don’t do anything around the house or are absent fathers/partners. Who are alcoholics. Who are controlling with money. Who golf every weekend. Who are MAGA. Who are slovenly.
I guess we’re all different.

In the end, women are socialized to accept endless bad behavior from men. Cheating is just one of those behaviors. We have to raise our sons better, but how?

+1
All these women who stay after their husbands cheat on them are just teaching their kids the same thing. NBD, go f*** around on your spouse. If you’re a man, it’s expected, and she’ll stay. If you’re a woman, you better put up with it, lest *gasp* a divorce!

Oh come on- their kids have zero idea—particularly the ones with a happy household and nothing amiss, no fighting…plenty of men are in happy marriages and still banging their wives. Nobody knows. And if the spouse finds out they sure aren’t running to tell their kids in order to protect them.

Some of you watch way too much TV. Most affairs are never discovered.

No. Kids ages matter too. If mom and dad seem happy at home and they are both around all the time- kids do not know. Christ- even the spouse doesn’t know and is blindsided.

You people take a few scandalous examples and think this is all like Hillary, etc. Most families- no dirty laundry is aired and you have no idea of they experienced an affair if they stay together.

[Anonymous]

Judgey McJudgers usually experience cheating but are of the “it could never happen because of x, y, z…..” so they tend to completely blindsided if they ever actually find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Judgey McJudgers usually experience cheating but are of the “it could never happen because of x, y, z…..” so they tend to completely blindsided if they ever actually find out.

You never know what your spouse is up to. But know I have enough self esteem not to stay with someone who cares so little for me and my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judgey McJudgers usually experience cheating but are of the “it could never happen because of x, y, z…..” so they tend to completely blindsided if they ever actually find out.

You never know what your spouse is up to. But know I have enough self esteem not to stay with someone who cares so little for me and my children.

That's something you were manipulated into believing from the movies and tv. Real life is much more complex than that. The person may not be the best partner but if they're good to you, they're a good father, provider, and checks off everything else on the list, you don't destroy your own home and life over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why women stay with men who don’t do anything around the house or are absent fathers/partners. Who are alcoholics. Who are controlling with money. Who golf every weekend. Who are MAGA. Who are slovenly.
I guess we’re all different.

In the end, women are socialized to accept endless bad behavior from men. Cheating is just one of those behaviors. We have to raise our sons better, but how?

+1
All these women who stay after their husbands cheat on them are just teaching their kids the same thing. NBD, go f*** around on your spouse. If you’re a man, it’s expected, and she’ll stay. If you’re a woman, you better put up with it, lest *gasp* a divorce!

Oh come on- their kids have zero idea—particularly the ones with a happy household and nothing amiss, no fighting…plenty of men are in happy marriages and still banging their wives. Nobody knows. And if the spouse finds out they sure aren’t running to tell their kids in order to protect them.

Some of you watch way too much TV. Most affairs are never discovered.

Most affairs are not discovered, you’re right. But we’re talking about affairs that the wife knew about and chose to stay. People and children definitely find out about these. You are really delusional if you think kids don’t pick up on this kind of thing.

Yes, for example Melania Trump and Hilary Clinton.

+1
Staying is condoning.

It's not condoning. It's called securing your future. When you date a rich and powerful man, sampling other women comes with the territory. He can have any supermodel he wants and chose you. That makes a difference. You can sit there and make moral complaints or just enjoy the good parts about the man you love and enjoy a solid future where your kids and retirement are taken care of.

Exactly THIS.
This is very smart. Any woman who doesn't understand it is not wise enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judgey McJudgers usually experience cheating but are of the “it could never happen because of x, y, z…..” so they tend to completely blindsided if they ever actually find out.

You never know what your spouse is up to. But know I have enough self esteem not to stay with someone who cares so little for me and my children.

That's something you were manipulated into believing from the movies and tv. Real life is much more complex than that. The person may not be the best partner but if they're good to you, they're a good father, provider, and checks off everything else on the list, you don't destroy your own home and life over it.

Well said. A man who takes care of his family, spend time with his wife and children, but has an affair is 100x better than a man who doesn't cheat, but doesn't take care of his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judgey McJudgers usually experience cheating but are of the “it could never happen because of x, y, z…..” so they tend to completely blindsided if they ever actually find out.

You never know what your spouse is up to. But know I have enough self esteem not to stay with someone who cares so little for me and my children.

That's something you were manipulated into believing from the movies and tv. Real life is much more complex than that. The person may not be the best partner but if they're good to you, they're a good father, provider, and checks off everything else on the list, you don't destroy your own home and life over it.

It’s more like- that is what most people say and believe. Then they are in a long marriage looking at the faces of their 8, 10 and 12 year olds, and realize if there is true remorse and change, and zero blame on you- but full responsibility- you would do anything to protect those kids and the family they know. Most will give it at least one chance which is why close to 65% of marriages don’t break up over an affair. It’s really nothing like tv and the movies and it is a hard thing for a long time to work through. But, as others said, there are miserable marriages where nobody cheats and some great marriages where there was infidelity. If you are in a 20, 30, 40+ year marriage, there will be something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judgey McJudgers usually experience cheating but are of the “it could never happen because of x, y, z…..” so they tend to completely blindsided if they ever actually find out.

You never know what your spouse is up to. But know I have enough self esteem not to stay with someone who cares so little for me and my children.

That's something you were manipulated into believing from the movies and tv. Real life is much more complex than that. The person may not be the best partner but if they're good to you, they're a good father, provider, and checks off everything else on the list, you don't destroy your own home and life over it.

Well said. A man who takes care of his family, spend time with his wife and children, but has an affair is 100x better than a man who doesn't cheat, but doesn't take care of his family.

Yes- and some of those non-cheating men are outright hostile to their wives and kids. Or the couple barely talks, sleeps in separate rooms, etc. A good guy that fkd up midlife and owned it and was a dedicated family guy….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judgey McJudgers usually experience cheating but are of the “it could never happen because of x, y, z…..” so they tend to completely blindsided if they ever actually find out.

You never know what your spouse is up to. But know I have enough self esteem not to stay with someone who cares so little for me and my children.

That's something you were manipulated into believing from the movies and tv. Real life is much more complex than that. The person may not be the best partner but if they're good to you, they're a good father, provider, and checks off everything else on the list, you don't destroy your own home and life over it.

It’s more like- that is what most people say and believe. Then they are in a long marriage looking at the faces of their 8, 10 and 12 year olds, and realize if there is true remorse and change, and zero blame on you- but full responsibility- you would do anything to protect those kids and the family they know. Most will give it at least one chance which is why close to 65% of marriages don’t break up over an affair. It’s really nothing like tv and the movies and it is a hard thing for a long time to work through. But, as others said, there are miserable marriages where nobody cheats and some great marriages where there was infidelity. If you are in a 20, 30, 40+ year marriage, there will be something.

+1 I always said I’d be gone in a second. Everyone that knows me would think I’d be gone in a second.

It’s one of those things I now see that you truly won’t know until you actually go through it and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I surprised myself. What you are willing to do for your kids’ best interests…you’d be surprised. Kids that have only known a happy family, childhood, parents—-ripping that apart without giving at least one chance with serious boundaries wouldn’t be wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why women stay with men who don’t do anything around the house or are absent fathers/partners. Who are alcoholics. Who are controlling with money. Who golf every weekend. Who are MAGA. Who are slovenly.
I guess we’re all different.

In the end, women are socialized to accept endless bad behavior from men. Cheating is just one of those behaviors. We have to raise our sons better, but how?

+1
All these women who stay after their husbands cheat on them are just teaching their kids the same thing. NBD, go f*** around on your spouse. If you’re a man, it’s expected, and she’ll stay. If you’re a woman, you better put up with it, lest *gasp* a divorce!

Oh come on- their kids have zero idea—particularly the ones with a happy household and nothing amiss, no fighting…plenty of men are in happy marriages and still banging their wives. Nobody knows. And if the spouse finds out they sure aren’t running to tell their kids in order to protect them.

Some of you watch way too much TV. Most affairs are never discovered.

Most affairs are not discovered, you’re right. But we’re talking about affairs that the wife knew about and chose to stay. People and children definitely find out about these. You are really delusional if you think kids don’t pick up on this kind of thing.

Yes, for example Melania Trump and Hilary Clinton.

+1
Staying is condoning.

It's not condoning. It's called securing your future. When you date a rich and powerful man, sampling other women comes with the territory. He can have any supermodel he wants and chose you. That makes a difference. You can sit there and make moral complaints or just enjoy the good parts about the man you love and enjoy a solid future where your kids and retirement are taken care of.

How old are you? It sounds like you're from another era. I'm rich and powerful on my own merits and don’t need a man for that. If you're settling for your man sampling other women, I hope you at least have a hot pool boy of your own.

[Anonymous]

So what is actually grounds for a divorce?

These cheating lying and abusive spouses are getting huge passes.

WOW!