My kid witnessed another playdate - awkward - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

Wow. This is so crazy. You did that?! Omg. What’s wrong with you?! You need help. Your poor kid. Teach her that there’s going to be plenty of things everyone is not invited to FFS how is she ever going to handle dating?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

OMG YOU TEXTED HER?!

How embarrassing for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*checks thread date to see if it was posted on April 1*

OP hasn't come back. Either she's genuine, furious and ashamed... or she saw her trolling attempt hadn't worked and is off trolling elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

This is not going to end well for you or your daughter. If I was that mom I wouldn't invite your daughter and I will tell the other moms about what you did! Imagine you and your friends are going out and than someone else wants to be invited at the last moment! The other girls are allowed to have playdates with other people

[Anonymous]

OP, did your daughter invite her friend in front of the other two girls?

Since you already texted the other mom, I won’t give advice on that. I do get how how hard it is to see your daughter be left out and be hurt. Even as an adult, it would sting me if I saw my best friend and two other people going somewhere and not invite me. However, we all have to remind ourselves that not everyone is invited to everything, and navigating these dynamics is part of growing up if the other mom had a plan, or her daughter specifically just wanted those two girls to come over, I don’t think it was rude for her not to change their plan just because your daughter happened to walk over. But it’s tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

That was a gracious reply. Now you just leave it alone. No “ownership” that she needs to take, and no obligation to come up with a specific time and date for a future get together for your daughter.She empathized with your daughter, but that doesn’t mean she needed to change her own game plan if she did not want to. And she may have said three kids is her max but in reality her daughter just wanted those other two girls there for whatever reason. Relationships are fluid, or maybe those three girls share an interest that your daughter doesn’t share and the host kid wanted to spend the afternoon doing that thing.

OP, it’s time to close this episode. Do not respond, and instead of letting your daughter cry all afternoon, next time, take her out and distract her. In your shoes, I would have taken her to a museum, or out for FroYo, or running errands and stopping by a store she likes. Just anything to distract her and help her move on from that episode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

This person is not your friend OP.

First the silly deflection and changing the topic nonsense with DD.

Now, the "I'm sorry she felt left out." which is putting it all on your daughter. No ownership at all.

A nicer person, a friend, would have said,

"I am sorry she was sad and that we could not include her today. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can plan something soon."

FWIW it's worth, I have a boy. The local playground is the boys' gathering spot, thank goodness!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

This person is not your friend OP.

First the silly deflection and changing the topic nonsense with DD.

Now, the "I'm sorry she felt left out." which is putting it all on your daughter. No ownership at all.

A nicer person, a friend, would have said,

"I am sorry she was sad and that we could not include her today. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can plan something soon."

FWIW it's worth, I have a boy. The local playground is the boys' gathering spot, thank goodness!

OMG you have to be kidding. That mom was extremely gracious in her response.

[Anonymous]

"Yesterday at pickup, my DD saw her best friend ... leaving with two other girls, and one of the girls' mothers. My DD went up to her friend and said, "Can you come over and play?""

See what she did there? That is just as OK as the other girl asking just some but not all of her friends to come over too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are really piling on. Eventually, OP will come out of her haze of hurt to see things with better perspective. I also don’t think it’s as big of a faux pas or ostracizing situation that some of you might think. At least it wouldn’t be to me.

Reading these responses confirms there are a lot of mean moms in this area. We wonder where all the Mean Girls come from---lookin the mirror (not you pp, just in general).

OP, that mom is likely on this topic, if you are local.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand who these people are like OP. WHAT is going through your mind?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

This person is not your friend OP.

First the silly deflection and changing the topic nonsense with DD.

Now, the "I'm sorry she felt left out." which is putting it all on your daughter. No ownership at all.

A nicer person, a friend, would have said,

"I am sorry she was sad and that we could not include her today. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can plan something soon."

FWIW it's worth, I have a boy. The local playground is the boys' gathering spot, thank goodness!

OMG you have to be kidding. That mom was extremely gracious in her response.

You have a very low bar then for graciousness. Another mean mom of a future mean girl alert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

Bad move. You'll soon learn. You did your daughter a disservice. You were not being a good advocate.

[Anonymous]

FYI that I would not invite your child to anything in the future after the text you sent. You’re going to ruin things for your daughter for the rest of her school career unless you cut this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

This person is not your friend OP.

First the silly deflection and changing the topic nonsense with DD.

Now, the "I'm sorry she felt left out." which is putting it all on your daughter. No ownership at all.

A nicer person, a friend, would have said,

"I am sorry she was sad and that we could not include her today. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can plan something soon."

FWIW it's worth, I have a boy. The local playground is the boys' gathering spot, thank goodness!

OMG you have to be kidding. That mom was extremely gracious in her response.

Probably OP sock-puppeting.