My kid witnessed another playdate - awkward - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Yesterday at pickup, my DD saw her best friend (and I'm also close friends with the mom) leaving with two other girls, and one of the girls' mothers.
My DD went up to her friend and said, "Can you come over and play?"
Her best friend said, "No, sorry, I'm going to Larla's house."
Larla's mom was standing right there and could have also offered to have my DD join the playdate. Instead, she just made a comment to my DD, ("What a cute shirt! Ready for soccer season?"), collected the three girls, and my DD was left standing with me. She then broke down in tears.

Meanwhile, the mom hosting the playdate has recently become close with my friend. I'm feeling like both my DD and I are somehow trying to be edged out by this mom. I'm considering texting her just to say how hurt my DD was that she couldn't have been included in the play date. How hard would it have been for the host mom to extend the invite to one more kid? Instead my kid got rejected in front of three kids. Wondering how to phrase it and what to say.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter was rude to ask her friend for a playdate when she was with others. Kids are allowed to have other friends.

[Anonymous]

What? Why would she include you just because? Why would you text her to tell her your child cried like a baby? This is so weird.

If you want to have a play date schedule one.

Teach your kid to suck it up, she’s not going to be included in everything.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT text the mom. You are coming across very insecure and frankly, psycho. Invite the girls out for a playdate next time.

[Anonymous]

I understand why you and your daughter felt left out, and why you're worried that you're being edged out... but really, it's not this mother's fault. She invited certain guests and not others. Personally, I don't like to invite too much kids over for a playdate.

These things happen, OP.

[Anonymous]

It’s part of growing up. Not everyone is invited to everything. Rude of your daughter to try to invite herself, but the other mom was polite to her.

[Anonymous]

She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

[Anonymous]

OP is insecure. OP's feelings caused her to react negatively. OP needs to be more secure in her friendships and also be ok if they don't continue. Probably everything was fine and now the mom thinks OP is psycho.

[Anonymous]

😵‍💫 my face when OP said they texted the other mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is insecure. OP's feelings caused her to react negatively. OP needs to be more secure in her friendships and also be ok if they don't continue. Probably everything was fine and now the mom thinks OP is psycho.

Thissss

[Anonymous]

Ick. You need socialization lessons. This is not okay, and you are teaching your kid the wrong lessons.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry this happened to your daughter—situations like that can feel so awkward, especially when the other mom gave one of those oddly deflective responses that sometimes pop up on DCUM, like complimenting your daughter’s shirt and suddenly shifting to soccer season talk.

I would not reach out to that mom. It likely would not change anything and could end up feeling even more uncomfortable for your daughter. Unfortunately, this kind of dynamic seems to happen often with moms of girls.

Some like to form tight-knit cliques that are not always welcoming to others. Sometimes our friends bond with other people in ways we did not expect, and those connections take on a life of their own. It can be disappointing and disheartening, especially when there is no effort to be inclusive.

Hopefully, your daughter knows that she is valued and loved, and this moment will not define her friendships in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:😵‍💫 my face when OP said they texted the other mom

Ugh me too - I wouldn’t have done that. Kids are allowed to have multiple friends and have different play dates. Now it’s going to be awkward for everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s part of growing up. Not everyone is invited to everything. Rude of your daughter to try to invite herself, but the other mom was polite to her.

She didn't try to invite herself. She invited Larla to her own house, and then was told Larla was headed for another playdate that she wasn't invited on. I don't think that anyone was rude, honestly. The mom tried to smooth it over.

OP - don't send any kind of text unless you want to invite her daughter to your house for a playdate. You think she's rude to not extend an instant invitation to your daughter to join, but in my opinion it's INSANELY rude to invite a kid on a playdate, instead of setting it up with the parents. You don't know what they've got going on and then if the parents have to say no for whatever reason they look like the bad guy.

Also I notice that you say this mom is a newish friend to Larla's mom and you think you're being edged out - were you inviting her daughter to playdates before this change, or just your DD and Larla? If it's the latter, do you see how hypocritical it is to be upset about your daughter being left out of playdates when you've set up plenty yourself that didn't include all classmates? Give this mom some grace and model the behavior you say you're looking for instead - set up an inclusive playdate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

You made a poor choice. And you're kidding yourself that sending a text to a woman who did nothing wrong telling her that she hurt your daughter was "very kind." If this is how you try to win Larla's mom back, good luck!