My kid witnessed another playdate - awkward - how to handle?
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Anonymous
It's 100000000% fair that sometimes you go on playdates and sometimes you do not. This playdate was not a thing that was "done" to your daughter. She is not the main character. Kids are allowed to have other friends. You say NOTHING to the other mom, who has no reason to ever invite you to her home and has no "behavior" to own up to in this interaction - she did nothing wrong. You are completely out of line trying to frame her as the villain of the story, and you are escalating something (your daughter's upset) that any decent parent would have known to deescalate. When your kid is in tears because her feelings were hurt even though NO ONE DID ANYTHING WRONG you sympathize that sometimes it's hard to see other kids having fun without you, and then ask what she wants to do - invite them over another time? Invite a different friend over for fun? Bake something, watch a movie? You don't play into the victim complex by telling her she's been wronged when she hasn't and "advocate" for her by accusing someone of hurting her when they did nothing of the sort. The other mom is not a bad actor. But with each post you seem like a worse one. |
Anonymous
Yikes. How old are these kids? Wait until middle school. Every day after school kids are paired off and walking to fun things together and not everyone is included in everything. You want to raise a resilient child who isn't going to go home crying when this happens every day. You seem to be indulging her unreasonable reaction to this. You got your answer - tell your kid to dry her tears, three is the max for a playdate at that house, and ask her if she wants a playdate at your house with those kids, a new kid or what? Every parent and kid has had the experience of feeling left out and not feeling great about it. The reaction by you and your kid are way over the top. This is a common scenario that happens on the regular. |
Anonymous
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It's fine for a mom to host a playdate that doesn't include your DD. It's also impolite for your DD to ask to be included when she wasn't invited. Do not text the mother- it's weird and helicopterish. If you do this, then the other mom will surely gossip about to your mutual friend.
I'm sorry it hurt your DD's feelings- that is normal. It's a good time to talk with her about friendships, invitations, etc. so that she doesn't take things so hard in the future. |
Anonymous
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OP, you’re going to have a hard time. You’re supposed to be teaching your daughter to be ok with not always getting invited. Remind her of times that youve invited some people and not others, even though you like the people you didn’t invite. You need to work on your resilience and teach your daughter by example.
What do you mean by “advocate for my daughter?” Do you not have many friends? |
Anonymous
This would make me want nothing to do with you. You are socially clueless. Even in your OP you said "Larla's mom was standing right there and could have also offered to have my DD join the playdate." You have no way of knowing that. Maybe her DD asked for a special playdate with just those two girls. Maybe they were going to play something they know your DD doesn't like. Maybe your DD isn't liked by one of them but they were too polite to say so. Maybe a thousand things. They don't owe your DD a playdate. And this was not a moment to "advocate" for your daughter! You should have just let your daughter be hurt and verbalized her feelings with her. "It stinks to feel left out. You really wanted to be included and get to play with your friend just then." |
Anonymous
| Adding that the other mom's response to this crazy text was deft. |
Anonymous
| I am so embarrassed for you OP. These peoples friendship have nothing to do with you. it isn't about you or excluding you. they are becoming friends, and who cares? |
Anonymous
| This is a TROLL. There hasn't been enough time between the OP's posts for things to have happened and for Op to have written the posts. |
Anonymous
| Oh my god I hope this is fake. You should be helping your daughter understand that she can’t be included every time and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean they aren’t friends. You’re setting her up for failure. |
Anonymous
That's a good point, and I hope for OP's (nonexistent?) daughter's sake that you're right. |
Anonymous
You’re rude and sound needy. |
Anonymous
“Advocate” is a very interesting way to look at your behavior, OP. While my sympathies are with your daughter, it sounded like she invited only her best friend to “come over and play” — ignoring the other girls. It sounds like the Mom handled things nicely and with kindness. Your “advocacy” might have made things much harder for your daughter. |
Anonymous
You said it. You are completely irrational. 1. This is not how you advocate for a child. You step in when your child is being mistreated. "No, you can't play because you're ugly/fat/poor/jewish/black." You step in when your child's boundaries aren't being respected. "DD said she doesn't want hugs. You need to let go of her or I will take your hands off her." 2. Your time would have been better spent pointing out to DD that she can only have so many people over for playdates and all over the world there are kids she hasn't invited over each day. It'd be pretty silly if every single girl in the world tried to fit into your house. Then you should have distracted your DD with the things she normally does after school when not having a playdate. 3. The other mother's response to your inappropriate text was very gracious. THERE IS NOTHING TO OWN. And after what you texted, I wouldn't invite your daughter (because you seem high maintenance) either. 4. Kids cry. It's how they express sadness and frustration (and sometimes anger). Get over it. You absorbed a small child's feelings and adapted them as your own. Totally inappropriate. |
Anonymous
Maybe they had a half day? Where I live, kids have early release one day a week in public school, and private schools are closed for parent-teacher conference for two days, twice a year. |
Anonymous
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I know it really hurts to see your kid have hurt feelings, especially when you were there when it happened.
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