My kid witnessed another playdate - awkward - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Eek this happens to us all the time (friends seeing us have play dates without them and us seeing them have play dates without us). We mix who gets invited, but I dread other kids asking to join because im often at the max I can supervise (also have a sibling) and would also have to say no. Next time, I'd invite that girl for a play date. These things get mixed around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

Awkward OP… Now every time she’s going to have a play date, she’s going to be guilted in inviting you?

[Anonymous]

This is not your friend and you say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

When you wonder why your daughter isn't included in the future, you will know it's you, not her. What you did to your daughter is social suicide.

[Anonymous]

OP you are way, way off. You need to learn to hold your fire and ask a friend because your sense of appropriateness and even strategy is way off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are way, way off. You need to learn to hold your fire and ask a friend because your sense of appropriateness and even strategy is way off.

+1 This is good advice.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

You let your daughter make a play date invitation in front of other girls and then are hurt that it was revealed that other girls had made play date invitations? That’s not advocating that’s teaching your child to be unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

This was not a good move. In the future people are going to avoid having playdates with you and your daughter and reference this text. Kids should have all kinds for friends, just because these kids are hanging out with the person you and your daughter consider her "best" friend doesn't mean they have to include her every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

Friendships are not about fairness OP.

[Anonymous]

You are making it awkward OP!

[Anonymous]

Please be a troll.

Because if you are not, you need help. And your kid is gonna be ostracized. The other mom was a lot nicer than I would be and I'd also be shocked if you and your kid are not ghosted after this.

Adults and children are allowed to have other friends and not to invite everyone to everything. You need to teach your child that, not do what you just did, which is social suicide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

Are you trying to troll us on purpose???? No actual human I know would react so childishly. Perhaps you suffer from some sort of mental health disorder. I feel sorry for your daughter. YOU are hurting your daughter. No one else.

The other parent responded very well. She owes you NOTHING, and she will stay as far away from you as possible because you have shown her that you're batshit crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

You let this happen. You should have taken her out for ice cream or something fun, and explained that not everyone will get invited to every social event. You need to nip this attitude in the bud, not nurture it.

[Anonymous]

Why can't people be authentic and honest about their feelings, though? There is a LOT we feel but never say -- and maybe life would be a bit easier if we did say it.