My kid witnessed another playdate - awkward - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

This is not advocating for your daughter. This is rude. I would've groaned and rolled my eyes if I got this text.

[Anonymous]

The mom's response both in person and to your text were great, polite, kind, forgiving. Back off, op. You're being unreasonable and annoying.

Your job as a parent is to help your child have perspective. Youre not supposed to be one a 5yo too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

That's not advocacy because this isn't a situation where the other mom was in the wrong- even though your DD's feelings were hurt, the other mom wasn't in the wrong.

She responded politely, gave you a brief reason (although she didn't need to do that) and hopefully let it go. If I were you, I would keep a low a profile so you don't cause social problems for your DD.

[Anonymous]

Buckle up buttercup. You're in for a long 12+ years if this rattles you this much. This is nothing. Just wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

Oh man. This is was a mistake. Not everyone needs to be included at a playdate all the time, and your kid needs to learn that.

[Anonymous]

This other kid and parent are NOT responsible for how your daughter FEELS. She is allowed to feel hurt but she is not allowed to use her feelings to control how someone else spends their time and energy. Not every kid can be included in an activity no matter how much they want to be. You taught your daughter the wrong lesson. She needs to respect other people’s boundaries. The other moms will think you are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Like everyone else I hope this is a troll.

Not only did the other mom do NOTHING wrong, but both you and your daughter did. Your D should not have invited one child over to her house in front of other children. If she is over 5 she should know this is wrong. And for you to complain that the other mom didn't immediately change her plans and include your D was ridiculous.

She gets to decide whom to invite to her home. If 3 kids for a playdate really is her limit, that's totally reasonable. It's also possible that she had bought food for the playdate--enough for 3, not 4--or had a craft of some kind planned, with enough supplies or kids for 3 kids.

You've outed yourself as "that parent." You'll be very lucky if the other moms in your D's class don't hear about this.

[Anonymous]

If this is a troll, it's a very poor trolling attempt. Trolls want conflict. Here we have a DCUM consensus.

OP, come back and say more stupid stuff!

[Anonymous]

I think this is a rare consensus from the DCUM universe.

Every child has to learn how to manage life's little disappointments. You missed your opportunity to teach her that she's not always included and it's fine if that happens. The correct response would be to host your own playdate for her with as many little girls as you'd like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If this is a troll, it's a very poor trolling attempt. Trolls want conflict. Here we have a DCUM consensus.

OP, come back and say more stupid stuff!

It’s a troll. Go find a hobby that’s productive rather than feeding the troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And every mom at that school is going to hear this story. Now kid and mom are going to learn what intentional exclusion looks like.

That other mom seemed gracious in her text response - maybe she's always a gracious person and won't tell people. Fingers crossed, for OP's kid's sake.

I've been the other mom in a similar situation. I didn't tell any of the other moms what happened. I don't like gossips. As much as I hate punishing kids for their parents behavior, it definitely impacted the kids friendship. I really didn't want to have to interact with the mom a lot knowing she was prone to overreacting. My kid has not been invited to things or has been left out. It happens to every kid. At some point, your kid is unintentionally going to leave a kid out and hurt their feelings. It's part of life and is something that continues through adulthood. If you want to do what's best for your daughter, you need to teach her how to manage her emotions surrounding these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like everyone else I hope this is a troll.

Not only did the other mom do NOTHING wrong, but both you and your daughter did. Your D should not have invited one child over to her house in front of other children. If she is over 5 she should know this is wrong. And for you to complain that the other mom didn't immediately change her plans and include your D was ridiculous.

She gets to decide whom to invite to her home. If 3 kids for a playdate really is her limit, that's totally reasonable. It's also possible that she had bought food for the playdate--enough for 3, not 4--or had a craft of some kind planned, with enough supplies or kids for 3 kids.

You've outed yourself as "that parent." You'll be very lucky if the other moms in your D's class don't hear about this.

In addition to the bolded, it's possible the mom has another child who was ALSO having two friends over, bringing the total number of kids in her house to six.

[Anonymous]

The other mom's response was really, really nice, tactful and honest about her own limits. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

There will be other playdates where other people aren't included. There will be parties that people won't invited to. There will be colleges that she won't get into. That's the way life is. You need to help her reframe her negative thinking into something positive. Ie. she needs to be able to say "That's a bummer! I can go home and do X, though, and that will be fun, and I can play with Larla on another day."

Not entirely sure how you let her wallow in her room for an entire afternoon. You should have been helping her find alternative activities besides wallowing, and then helped her plan another playdate later.

[Anonymous]

*checks thread date to see if it was posted on April 1*