How concerned would you be if your 17 yo DD was talking to a 21 year old guy

[Anonymous]

Nope

[Anonymous]

Very. She’s still in highschool, I think it’s weird for him to be talking to a HS student. Sorry. I have a daughter and wouldn’t want this at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few days after I turned 18 when I was a freshman in college, I met a 22 year old junior (he had taken a gap year) who I ended up dating for 2 years in college. The age gap didn’t feel so big, but there was definitely some pressure sexually (I was a virgin when we met). Now looking back, I wish I had spent more time making friends instead of hanging out with him. But learned a lot of lessons through that relationship and grew up a lot.

I don’t think my mom intervening would’ve made me do anything different though, so I would just be there to support her and have those conversations about birth control and making sure she still takes the time to meet people at college.

Do youthink it would have been different if you dated another 18 year old who may have also been sexually experienced?

Yea fool of course

[Anonymous]

Maybe DD wants to get some experience with sex before college. That wouldn't be unusual. She starts college not quite as naive. It might be -just sex- Not enough of you are imagining this may be what DD wants and it's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe DD wants to get some experience with sex before college. That wouldn't be unusual. She starts college not quite as naive. It might be -just sex- Not enough of you are imagining this may be what DD wants and it's ok.

That's just what a pedo would say

[Anonymous]

Poster 9:43 again. I'm a Grandmother and happily married for 35+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poster 9:43 again. I'm a Grandmother and happily married for 35+ years.

Well get with the modern mores.
No one does this any more. That's why statutory rape laws exist. Research true consent and power imbalances in relationships

[Anonymous]

Point taken, Ok, yes it is better for a 18 year old, in college, to wait to have sex with another college student. Grandma here again. But you all seem really hung-up on a women's sexuality. As if, it's not possible, that a young woman knows her own mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poster 9:43 again. I'm a Grandmother and happily married for 35+ years.

Well get with the modern mores.
No one does this any more. That's why statutory rape laws exist. Research true consent and power imbalances in relationships

Unless she is relying on him for rides because she doesn't have a driver's license, or he's buying her alcohol, or he's co-signing a lease or something, I am just not seeing a big power imbalance between a 21 and 17 year old.

Something to think about for the parents who are fine with their kids being late teens not driving. The power imbalance would not be only with romantic partners, it would also be with friends, co-workers, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most college kids aren't interested in high schoolers because there's typically a big freedom and maturity gap. They're used to being independent and dating a high schooler comes with serious rules. I'd be very cautious of a 21 yo who was interested in a high schooler. He's probably immature or lacks the confidence to date girls his own age.

Maybe. Or maybe they are both music dorks and they hit it off.

So he's too immature to find a music dork his own age. My point holds. Normal college students aren't interested in dating high schoolers.

Show me a mature 21 year old man. I will betroth him to my daughter right now.

[Anonymous]

Some of you guys sound really crazy. I’d be more worried about my son in this situation than my daughter. Son can go to jail if he doesn’t know the laws of the state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of a DD it would concern me.
However, my nephew is 21 and dating a 17yo. They met through work and both families have met and all seems to be well. He is a nice kid, respectful and she is his first girlfriend.
So I don’t know, I’d try snd base it on personality and whether he seek me to care for her, and not just focus on age.

I’m sure your nephew is great, but he’s still a 21-year-old male.
My DH and I started dating at 18 and we were both committed to waiting until marriage for sex but even with THAT mutual conviction it was difficult not to cross boundaries. And he admitted later that it’s all his young male brain thought about. We got married at 22. But that was 25 years ago where it was more common for young couples not to jump into bed together after four dates.
I can’t imagine a 21-year-old with a girlfriend for the first time will be completely fine with abstaining much longer than a few months.

[Anonymous]

Since she’s almost 18 I’d focus on the practical stuff like birth control access. It sounds like you are already having the respect and consent discussions which is really good. At this age, I don’t think you really have the possibility of telling her she can’t date him. I think the posters who think you can do that are not being realistic at all, not sure if they actually have teens. Parent control of sex/dating at that age is not possible. Basically keep up good lines of communication with her so you are there for her whatever happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a loser

+1
Struck out with every college girl or anyone his own age, has to pick up young girls from high school. Major ick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poster 9:43 again. I'm a Grandmother and happily married for 35+ years.

You can be a grandmother and still a pedo. Encouraging college men to pursue young high school girls is creepy. You may want to update your standards from 1940s to the 21st century granny.