How concerned would you be if your 17 yo DD was talking to a 21 year old guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a loser

+1
Struck out with every college girl or anyone his own age, has to pick up young girls from high school. Major ick.

R Kelly vibes

[Anonymous]

I see the potential for red flags, but I also see the potential for this to be totally fine. My parents are seven years apart. No being alone with him until she’s in 18. Definitely keep her focused on her trajectory, but don’t prohibit them from dating. If she feels like she’s being kept from her “soulmate” she might do something rash. Let time and distance break them up. Be sure to have some fabulous family vacation over Christmas break that she can’t possibly skip. (How fabulous really depends on your budget.) Encourage her to go to a different college from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not let her be alone with him until she’s 18. After that there’s nothing you can do except buy a crib and get ready to raise the baby.

+1. And she is legally a minor, so not responsible for her actions. He is legally an adult and (depending on what is actually *provably* going on) he might be liable for Contributing to the Delinquency of a minor…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a loser

+1
Struck out with every college girl or anyone his own age, has to pick up young girls from high school. Major ick.

R Kelly vibes

age 24/13

vs

21/17

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not let her be alone with him until she’s 18. After that there’s nothing you can do except buy a crib and get ready to raise the baby.

+1. And she is legally a minor, so not responsible for her actions. He is legally an adult and (depending on what is actually *provably* going on) he might be liable for Contributing to the Delinquency of a minor…

Age of consent in DC is 16. It is 18 in Virginia and there are no Romeo and Juliet laws in Virginia so this is highly location specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a loser

+1
Struck out with every college girl or anyone his own age, has to pick up young girls from high school. Major ick.

Of course he did, he is a music dork

[Anonymous]

Think of it this way, if they still like each other in 6 months, no harm done to stay away. But if they get together now and it's a disaster, it will take a lot more than 6 months to unravel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you guys sound really crazy. I’d be more worried about my son in this situation than my daughter. Son can go to jail if he doesn’t know the laws of the state.

Yes. If I were you I'd definitely be worried I raised a pedo creep of a son and question my life choices

[Anonymous]

At 17, I was chatting/flirting with a 21 year-old guy I worked with at a fast casual restaurant at the beach (my family was living there for the summer). I was at a party one night (he was not there) talking to one of his friends and he asked me where I went to school. I told him the name of my high school and the town and he was like "never heard of it." I said, yea, it's a high school. And he said, "Ohhhh, I mean where are you going next year then?" I said, "same school, I'll be a senior." Then he asked how old I was and I told him 17. Starting the next day, the guy I had been talking and flirting with was still nice to me but the flirting TOTALLY STOPPED. I was disappointed at the time, but looking back, I respect that he and his friend both recognized this was not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you guys sound really crazy. I’d be more worried about my son in this situation than my daughter. Son can go to jail if he doesn’t know the laws of the state.

Yes. If I were you I'd definitely be worried I raised a pedo creep of a son and question my life choices

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 17, I was chatting/flirting with a 21 year-old guy I worked with at a fast casual restaurant at the beach (my family was living there for the summer). I was at a party one night (he was not there) talking to one of his friends and he asked me where I went to school. I told him the name of my high school and the town and he was like "never heard of it." I said, yea, it's a high school. And he said, "Ohhhh, I mean where are you going next year then?" I said, "same school, I'll be a senior." Then he asked how old I was and I told him 17. Starting the next day, the guy I had been talking and flirting with was still nice to me but the flirting TOTALLY STOPPED. I was disappointed at the time, but looking back, I respect that he and his friend both recognized this was not a good idea.

Assuming this was at least several to quite a few years ago, it’s really wonderful to hear about men NOT being super creeps! There was a recent study that found a lot men would F a child if there were no repercussions. 40 year olds wanting to date/F 18 year olds “because it’s legal”, doesn’t make it any less creepy! Obviously ops situation is not this, but it’s also why I’m not surprised at many of the comments on here encouraging grown men to date children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated a 21YO when I was 17.

My guess is that your two big worries are sex and alcohol? You would have the same issue with a 17 or 18 YO boyfriend. Address those issues head on.

In any case, the relationship with the 21 year old is not likely to last long.

Same. We actually didn’t sleep together. I met my husband at 21 and he was 24 so same age gap. I was only marginally more mature at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 17, I was chatting/flirting with a 21 year-old guy I worked with at a fast casual restaurant at the beach (my family was living there for the summer). I was at a party one night (he was not there) talking to one of his friends and he asked me where I went to school. I told him the name of my high school and the town and he was like "never heard of it." I said, yea, it's a high school. And he said, "Ohhhh, I mean where are you going next year then?" I said, "same school, I'll be a senior." Then he asked how old I was and I told him 17. Starting the next day, the guy I had been talking and flirting with was still nice to me but the flirting TOTALLY STOPPED. I was disappointed at the time, but looking back, I respect that he and his friend both recognized this was not a good idea.

Assuming this was at least several to quite a few years ago, it’s really wonderful to hear about men NOT being super creeps! There was a recent study that found a lot men would F a child if there were no repercussions. 40 year olds wanting to date/F 18 year olds “because it’s legal”, doesn’t make it any less creepy! Obviously ops situation is not this, but it’s also why I’m not surprised at many of the comments on here encouraging grown men to date children.

I think you and others like you likening him to R Kelly and calling him a pedo are the ones with issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe DD wants to get some experience with sex before college. That wouldn't be unusual. She starts college not quite as naive. It might be -just sex- Not enough of you are imagining this may be what DD wants and it's ok.

That's just what a pedo would say

+1. This is not how teen girls think.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a bad idea especially before college. If she's introverted etc the last think she needs is starting college and that girl that has some long distance boy friend that's jealous and she will be tied down and not able to explore. I would shut it down. 4 years is a lot of difference at that age.