How concerned would you be if your 17 yo DD was talking to a 21 year old guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's not that much difference between a mature high school senior and a college student.

People like who they like.

Within the past 100 years, the DD was in range to become a wife in lots of cultures around the world.

It's prudent to ask for dating to wait until 18 to respect what's currently required in our culture. But I don't think it's a good or kind idea to prohibit them from being friends.

Men are often immature at the same age and women can benefit from dating older.

Don’t be absurd this is not 1960 etc.

OP get your kid on BC immediately

Don’t forbid them that don’t work m
They only merry at your house in a primary room, when she turns 18 make sure she does not go to the same college.

[Anonymous]

I dated a 21YO when I was 17.

My guess is that your two big worries are sex and alcohol? You would have the same issue with a 17 or 18 YO boyfriend. Address those issues head on.

In any case, the relationship with the 21 year old is not likely to last long.

[Anonymous]

Was this a religious music camp?
If so huge red flag

[Anonymous]

It would concern me that a fully adult camp counselor who should know better is willing to cross boundaries with children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would concern me that a fully adult camp counselor who should know better is willing to cross boundaries with children.

It’s a 17 year old, not a 7 year old. She was also a counselor. In 6 months she will be considered an adult. This is a little dramatic.

[Anonymous]

I too dated a 21 year old at 17. My parents freaked out and in hindsight I really understand why, but he was actually a pretty great boyfriend in all the ways that mattered at the time - respectful, patient, supportive, and ultimately engaged with my family (once they opened themselves up to it). I still went to college and we dated long distance until I outgrew him.

I’d encourage you to keep your daughter focused on her personal goals, but trying to stop her from talking to this guy will likely backfire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would concern me that a fully adult camp counselor who should know better is willing to cross boundaries with children.

It’s a 17 year old, not a 7 year old. She was also a counselor. In 6 months she will be considered an adult. This is a little dramatic.

It isn’t dramatic to call a child a child and expect someone who works with children to fully understand and respect that boundary.

[Anonymous]

Four years is hardly a compelling age difference. I don’t see why it matters when they are just talking. Now, if she was having s*x with a 40 year old, I’d worry.

[Anonymous]

My best friend dated a 20 yr when she was 16 for several years. He was at a local college, they met at an under 21 dance club. He was a great guy, hard worker and really no ill intent. It’s been a few decades but im pretty sure they didn’t sleep together. They are still friends.

The 18 yo jerk she dated on off while in college was another story.

4 yrs is not a huge difference. It just depends on the person.

[Anonymous]

If she is mature, introverted and quiet I'm sure boys her own age come off as really childish and obnoxious

The only thing that would worry me about this is that he can buy her alcohol

As long as he's not doing inappropriate things like sneaking her into 21+ bars I don't see what the problem is

[Anonymous]

That's pretty much exactly the scenario for how my husband's cousin met her husband. They've got two kids and have been married for decades.

[Anonymous]

Ew red flag. Why is a 21 yo trying to get with a 17 yo? No women of legal age want to date him so he has to go after minor girls in high school? Honestly that’s so gross and creepy.

[Anonymous]

College? She's going to college, right? In the Fall. Away.

[Anonymous]

Tight leash until she is 18. More discussion about the incredible difference in life experience a 21 year old finishing college has compared with a girl who hasn’t even started. Phone calls are one thing, unsupervised in person visits another. I wouldn’t get hysterical about it, but just ensure that she does move super super slow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated a 21YO when I was 17.

My guess is that your two big worries are sex and alcohol? You would have the same issue with a 17 or 18 YO boyfriend. Address those issues head on.

In any case, the relationship with the 21 year old is not likely to last long.

Your 17-18 yr old boyfriend isn’t buying your alcohol or taking you to volley parties