PSA-Hoco

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Your kids probably conceal a lot of things from you because you are so callous. They know any outward show of weakness will be met with your it's-a-dog-eat-dog-world brand of judgment. Ask me how I know.

Jesus H. That's quite a leap.

I'm just saying OP's plan is completely ridiculous given logistics, size of high schools, and teen social skills.

My kids can invite whoever they want to their HoCo group. But I would never ask them to invite someone that they don't know or don't want there.

I wouldn't do that myself (nor would most of you), so I don't know why we would ask our kids to do that.

You are being purposely obtuse to justify your mean-girl behavior.

Oh goodness. NP. Your child should initiate plans with other kids and acquaintances!! Your kid would be miserable tagging along with kids they didn’t know. We all have had a turn being third wheel; it sucks.

Don’t expect charity. It’s much more fun to get your own group of like minded friends where you can be yourself.

Again, this isn't about tagging along with kids you don't know but making sure your friends all have people to go with. Some may not. That's the point of the OP

+1 this should not be difficult to understand. The knee jerk defensive of some of you is really telling. Don’t worry, nobody’s suggesting some random kid should come and upset the perfect symmetry of your pics.

It isn’t difficult to understand that young teens aren’t going to seek out kids who aren’t their friends to make sure they have plans, if they want them. No more than their own parents do when they want to throw a party or go out to lunch. They aren’t eyeing the room to see who is standing off to the side secretly wanting an invite. It’s a two way street here. The kids who are dying to go have to put some feelers out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Your kids probably conceal a lot of things from you because you are so callous. They know any outward show of weakness will be met with your it's-a-dog-eat-dog-world brand of judgment. Ask me how I know.

Jesus H. That's quite a leap.

I'm just saying OP's plan is completely ridiculous given logistics, size of high schools, and teen social skills.

My kids can invite whoever they want to their HoCo group. But I would never ask them to invite someone that they don't know or don't want there.

I wouldn't do that myself (nor would most of you), so I don't know why we would ask our kids to do that.

You are being purposely obtuse to justify your mean-girl behavior.

Oh goodness. NP. Your child should initiate plans with other kids and acquaintances!! Your kid would be miserable tagging along with kids they didn’t know. We all have had a turn being third wheel; it sucks.

Don’t expect charity. It’s much more fun to get your own group of like minded friends where you can be yourself.

Again, this isn't about tagging along with kids you don't know but making sure your friends all have people to go with. Some may not. That's the point of the OP

+1 this should not be difficult to understand. The knee jerk defensive of some of you is really telling. Don’t worry, nobody’s suggesting some random kid should come and upset the perfect symmetry of your pics.

The reaction is to the sanctimonious tone

[Anonymous]

I was proud of DD last year as a sophomore, she went to hoco by herself. She's not part of a friend group but gets along with lots of different people, and she bounced from group to group. I picked her up at 11pm at the end, and she said she had a blast. She plans to do the same this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Your kids probably conceal a lot of things from you because you are so callous. They know any outward show of weakness will be met with your it's-a-dog-eat-dog-world brand of judgment. Ask me how I know.

Jesus H. That's quite a leap.

I'm just saying OP's plan is completely ridiculous given logistics, size of high schools, and teen social skills.

My kids can invite whoever they want to their HoCo group. But I would never ask them to invite someone that they don't know or don't want there.

I wouldn't do that myself (nor would most of you), so I don't know why we would ask our kids to do that.

You are being purposely obtuse to justify your mean-girl behavior.

Oh goodness. NP. Your child should initiate plans with other kids and acquaintances!! Your kid would be miserable tagging along with kids they didn’t know. We all have had a turn being third wheel; it sucks.

Don’t expect charity. It’s much more fun to get your own group of like minded friends where you can be yourself.

Again, this isn't about tagging along with kids you don't know but making sure your friends all have people to go with. Some may not. That's the point of the OP

+1 this should not be difficult to understand. The knee jerk defensive of some of you is really telling. Don’t worry, nobody’s suggesting some random kid should come and upset the perfect symmetry of your pics.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be painful if they’re included and if they don’t make themselves part of the group.

Not the same situation, but my dd has a best friend in a lower grade. She also has a group in her grade. She invited all to her party.

The sole best friend didn’t know anyone. My dd hung out with her as much as she could at the party, but she couldn’t ignore everyone else. I watched from the side of the pool. Younger best friend honestly.. could have made herself welcome in the group. Maybe it wasn’t going to work if she didn’t feel confident. From the big group, some tried to especially include her, too…

If the outsider friend doesn’t go all-in they could end up even more miserable, still feeling on the outside.

This is essentially what my DD tells me. The only thing worse than not being included, is being included in a group where you know the one person who wanted you there, and no one else. DD and her best friend go to different schools and have different friends circles. They're very careful in when they include each other, because the wrong chemistry would make someone in the group miserable, and even if everyone gets along fine, the one outsider will continue to feel like the outsider, despite the best efforts of their friend to include them. Their reference points with different groups are different. I can't imagine this ending well for a kid who is a casual acquaintance that someone included; it is hard enough when there is a single really good friend in the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is only suggesting that people encourage their teens to show some kindness to people on the fringes of a group. Or like, consider your friend Marla's friend Larla who doesn't have many friends besides Marla. OP isn't suggesting to be inclusive of total randos you don't even know. And obviously it doesn't mean invite kids who are outcasts for a good reason (drugs, drinking, other bad behavior).

Unfortunately, many teens think if they are seen with someone who is less cool then they will catch uncoolness, as if it were a contagious disease.

There’s always a few girls who don’t want any add-ons. Do not invite so-and-so. “They’re so annoying.” Etc. it is what it is. Teenagers are brutal. My kid has invited people on the fringes and it’s been great, but some kids are so mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but no.

These schools have enrollments of 2,000 to 4,000 kids.

You expect kids to reach out to the one kid they sit next to spanish class to see if they want to join?

That's just insane, and the fact that you think this should be happening for your kid is concerning. You need to encourage your kid to widen their circle

No one said that and you know it. Your kid likely has a "friend" on the perimeter of the friend circle. Extend an invite to that person.

But yes, like a pp noted, mean parents, mean kids.

This is exactly what OP meant, and if your kid has social skills, it’s not hard.

So much defensiveness on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Some of the reactions are astounding. Very mean parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Mean parents, mean kids.

Honest question: what's mean about it?

If these kids invite your kid, don't they need to invite everyone else to their pre-party? How would this work at the HS level?

Getting together with your friends is just a normal part of life. Expecting other people to cater to your shy kid is the part that's strange

This is what’s wrong with the world, right here.

[Anonymous]

I encourage DS to include others, but I probably wouldn’t if he was going to someone else’s house before Homecoming. Not his place to invite others.

His group aren’t the best planners. Half the time, whatever is being planned doesn’t end up happening because the kids never asked their parents if they were actually free at that time.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is a freshman and does have a nice group of friends, but they have not made plans further than just meeting up at the event at school. Tell your kid to ask a friend or two what they are doing and they might just be able to meet up at the event.

[Anonymous]

I find this hard. My teens have been left out of things and they’ve been a part of things. Obviously they’re happier when they are included, but don’t micromanage who they should invite anymore. I used to when they were little and it didn’t always turn out well. I encouraged my ds to invite a kid he didn’t love from his class to his birthday party at home and that boy did damage to our wall and didn’t even blink when he knew it happened. I encouraged my DD to invite a neighbor over that she didn’t really get along with and that girl ended up cyber bullying my dd during the pandemic. I think kids generally have an idea who their good friends really are and we need to respect that.

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering who even wants these charity invites. Seems it would be really awkward and painful to have your solo status pointed out to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems like an odd approach. My son didn't have anyone to go with (his closer friends did not want to), so he reached out to more casual friends from his sports team and asked to join, and they said yes. He had a good time, but I would not have expected them to ask him to join them - they would assume he was going with his closer friend group.

This. This is how its done

Agree. Or just go alone. You are literally only alone from the parking lot into the school. Then there’s everyone you know. Groups that go together disperse once there too. Just go in and mingle.

[Anonymous]

Again, not talking about charity invites. Talking about checking on actual friends to make sure they all have Hoco plans. Raise your kids to do better.