PSA-Hoco

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

You are showing your true colors. So every kid who is socially awkward is annoying and doesn't deserve to be included? You are gross.

DP…. I disagree. An event like homecoming in which you’re spending time with your closest friends and/or partner is not the time to invite random people who you barely know. How totally awkward! It’s like inviting someone you barely know what work to your Thanksgiving table or wedding. Why would you do that? there are many other activities that are appropriate to invite other people to get to know them better.

HAHAHAHA You peaked in HS, I can tell.

Wow how mean spirited.
I have a kid who gets left out of a lot of things because they are deemed “different“ and I will tell you they would hate for the pity invite to a homecoming pre-party. It is already a socially charged event where kids feel nervous and adding the pressure of having to Dress up and be in front of kids they barely know is too much. A better option would be from one of them to say “hey you should check out this club I joined. It’s fun.” My kid would be way more up to do that then accept a random invite to a homecoming party because some parent told them to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Your kids probably conceal a lot of things from you because you are so callous. They know any outward show of weakness will be met with your it's-a-dog-eat-dog-world brand of judgment. Ask me how I know.

Jesus H. That's quite a leap.

I'm just saying OP's plan is completely ridiculous given logistics, size of high schools, and teen social skills.

My kids can invite whoever they want to their HoCo group. But I would never ask them to invite someone that they don't know or don't want there.

I wouldn't do that myself (nor would most of you), so I don't know why we would ask our kids to do that.

You are being purposely obtuse to justify your mean-girl behavior.

Not at all

You're being very defensive because its difficult to see your child struggle socially. Which, trust me, is something to which I can relate. We moved in the middle of 6th grade and it took close to a full year for DD to make friends. It wasn't until midway through 7th when she found her friend group by signing up for the school play.

The PP with the lunch comparison makes a good point. When was the last time you went out to lunch with the guy that works the front desk? Heck, not even the annoying coworker; the guy you say "good morning" to on the way to your office?

It's not that he's annoying. It's just that you don't know him. And you already have some friends at work that you grab lunch with. So you don't think twice. And its okay.

It's really not rocket science as someone else pointed out. We aren't talking about total strangers. We are talking about kids who your kids know, but might not be super close with. Some of these friendships form in pre-K and if a kid moves to a new school it's super hard to penetrate some of these groups. It's not that much of an imposition to just say "hey, we are going as a group, want to join?" if you know someone would very much want to be included. And it's much easier for kids and groups who are already established to extend an invitation than a new kid saying "do you mind if I come along?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

You are showing your true colors. So every kid who is socially awkward is annoying and doesn't deserve to be included? You are gross.

You are really reaching. As adults we do not regularly include random people in our social interactions with friends, why would we expect our children to do the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

You are showing your true colors. So every kid who is socially awkward is annoying and doesn't deserve to be included? You are gross.

DP…. I disagree. An event like homecoming in which you’re spending time with your closest friends and/or partner is not the time to invite random people who you barely know. How totally awkward! It’s like inviting someone you barely know what work to your Thanksgiving table or wedding. Why would you do that? there are many other activities that are appropriate to invite other people to get to know them better.

HAHAHAHA You peaked in HS, I can tell.

Wow how mean spirited.
I have a kid who gets left out of a lot of things because they are deemed “different“ and I will tell you they would hate for the pity invite to a homecoming pre-party. It is already a socially charged event where kids feel nervous and adding the pressure of having to Dress up and be in front of kids they barely know is too much. A better option would be from one of them to say “hey you should check out this club I joined. It’s fun.” My kid would be way more up to do that then accept a random invite to a homecoming party because some parent told them to.

Are you the one who compared HC with a wedding???? And while there might be other activities, we are talking about HC here. Start your own thread if you want talk about how to include kids in other activities.

If it's too much for the kid, they can politely decline. Stop doing mental gymnastics to justify raising a mean kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

You are showing your true colors. So every kid who is socially awkward is annoying and doesn't deserve to be included? You are gross.

You are really reaching. As adults we do not regularly include random people in our social interactions with friends, why would we expect our children to do the same?

I know you don't. I believe you when you say that.

Adults do extend invitations to people they barely know all the time.

[Anonymous]

I am not even talking about the socially awkward kid but my own kid (who had plans for Hoco) didn't even ask some of her own friends if they had made plans. It turns one didn't have plans and was left out. How difficult would it have been for her to check on her friends and to include the ones that didn't get attached to a friend group? Just a kinder world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

You are showing your true colors. So every kid who is socially awkward is annoying and doesn't deserve to be included? You are gross.

You are really reaching. As adults we do not regularly include random people in our social interactions with friends, why would we expect our children to do the same?

I know you don't. I believe you when you say that.

Adults do extend invitations to people they barely know all the time.

Except Homecoming isn't the random lunch you get with your coworkers. And we all know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

You are showing your true colors. So every kid who is socially awkward is annoying and doesn't deserve to be included? You are gross.

You are really reaching. As adults we do not regularly include random people in our social interactions with friends, why would we expect our children to do the same?

I know you don't. I believe you when you say that.

Adults do extend invitations to people they barely know all the time.

Except Homecoming isn't the random lunch you get with your coworkers. And we all know that.

It isn't all that important either. It's much more important to be a nice, kind human in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

You are showing your true colors. So every kid who is socially awkward is annoying and doesn't deserve to be included? You are gross.

DP…. I disagree. An event like homecoming in which you’re spending time with your closest friends and/or partner is not the time to invite random people who you barely know. How totally awkward! It’s like inviting someone you barely know what work to your Thanksgiving table or wedding. Why would you do that? there are many other activities that are appropriate to invite other people to get to know them better.

HAHAHAHA You peaked in HS, I can tell.

Wow how mean spirited.
I have a kid who gets left out of a lot of things because they are deemed “different“ and I will tell you they would hate for the pity invite to a homecoming pre-party. It is already a socially charged event where kids feel nervous and adding the pressure of having to Dress up and be in front of kids they barely know is too much. A better option would be from one of them to say “hey you should check out this club I joined. It’s fun.” My kid would be way more up to do that then accept a random invite to a homecoming party because some parent told them to.

Are you the one who compared HC with a wedding???? And while there might be other activities, we are talking about HC here. Start your own thread if you want talk about how to include kids in other activities.

If it's too much for the kid, they can politely decline. Stop doing mental gymnastics to justify raising a mean kid.

You don’t seem to be listening to anything anyone is expressing. I’m guessing you’re projecting from your own experiences and coming from a place of negative intent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Your kids probably conceal a lot of things from you because you are so callous. They know any outward show of weakness will be met with your it's-a-dog-eat-dog-world brand of judgment. Ask me how I know.

Jesus H. That's quite a leap.

I'm just saying OP's plan is completely ridiculous given logistics, size of high schools, and teen social skills.

My kids can invite whoever they want to their HoCo group. But I would never ask them to invite someone that they don't know or don't want there.

I wouldn't do that myself (nor would most of you), so I don't know why we would ask our kids to do that.

You are being purposely obtuse to justify your mean-girl behavior.

Not at all

You're being very defensive because its difficult to see your child struggle socially. Which, trust me, is something to which I can relate. We moved in the middle of 6th grade and it took close to a full year for DD to make friends. It wasn't until midway through 7th when she found her friend group by signing up for the school play.

The PP with the lunch comparison makes a good point. When was the last time you went out to lunch with the guy that works the front desk? Heck, not even the annoying coworker; the guy you say "good morning" to on the way to your office?

It's not that he's annoying. It's just that you don't know him. And you already have some friends at work that you grab lunch with. So you don't think twice. And its okay.

It's really not rocket science as someone else pointed out. We aren't talking about total strangers. We are talking about kids who your kids know, but might not be super close with. Some of these friendships form in pre-K and if a kid moves to a new school it's super hard to penetrate some of these groups. It's not that much of an imposition to just say "hey, we are going as a group, want to join?" if you know someone would very much want to be included. And it's much easier for kids and groups who are already established to extend an invitation than a new kid saying "do you mind if I come along?"

I disagree. Asking a 15 year old to invite an acquaintance to a HoCo party may not be rocket science, but its a pretty bold social move. One that 99.9% of high school kids wouldn't do.

And regarding the bolded, you're changing the context of this hypothetical a little bit. OP has asked that kids "check in" on other each and "reach out to see if they want to go". That's WWWWAAAAAYYYY different than what you said, where somebody has already expressed interest in going to people. But cold-calling people they sort of know to see if they want to join their HoCo party? That's crazy talk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not even talking about the socially awkward kid but my own kid (who had plans for Hoco) didn't even ask some of her own friends if they had made plans. It turns one didn't have plans and was left out. How difficult would it have been for her to check on her friends and to include the ones that didn't get attached to a friend group? Just a kinder world.

My DCs have told me that teens are terrible at making plans with each other or coordinating.

They both try to, but so many kids are wishy washy when it comes to making plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems like an odd approach. My son didn't have anyone to go with (his closer friends did not want to), so he reached out to more casual friends from his sports team and asked to join, and they said yes. He had a good time, but I would not have expected them to ask him to join them - they would assume he was going with his closer friend group.

This. This is how its done

This seems so obvious. Why can’t the kid who wants to go ask some people if its ok to tag along? If asked directly I would think most would say yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems like an odd approach. My son didn't have anyone to go with (his closer friends did not want to), so he reached out to more casual friends from his sports team and asked to join, and they said yes. He had a good time, but I would not have expected them to ask him to join them - they would assume he was going with his closer friend group.

This. This is how its done

This seems so obvious. Why can’t the kid who wants to go ask some people if its ok to tag along? If asked directly I would think most would say yes.

Yes, as the PP that said "my kids are not responsible for other people's social lives", I would expect my kids to say Yes and to be welcoming to anyone that asked if they could tag along.

But asking them to canvas everyone they know at school to make sure they have plans is obviously ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but no.

These schools have enrollments of 2,000 to 4,000 kids.

You expect kids to reach out to the one kid they sit next to spanish class to see if they want to join?

That's just insane, and the fact that you think this should be happening for your kid is concerning. You need to encourage your kid to widen their circle

No one said that and you know it. Your kid likely has a "friend" on the perimeter of the friend circle. Extend an invite to that person.

But yes, like a pp noted, mean parents, mean kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems like an odd approach. My son didn't have anyone to go with (his closer friends did not want to), so he reached out to more casual friends from his sports team and asked to join, and they said yes. He had a good time, but I would not have expected them to ask him to join them - they would assume he was going with his closer friend group.

This. This is how its done

This seems so obvious. Why can’t the kid who wants to go ask some people if its ok to tag along? If asked directly I would think most would say yes.

Yes, as the PP that said "my kids are not responsible for other people's social lives", I would expect my kids to say Yes and to be welcoming to anyone that asked if they could tag along.

But asking them to canvas everyone they know at school to make sure they have plans is obviously ridiculous.

I agree, though if my child did not like someone who asked I wouldn't expect them to say yes.