PSA-Hoco

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Clearly you have a daughter.

DP, and these are the kinds of conversations I have with my daughter AND son. The only difference is that the girls have likely already nailed down all the details. Boys not so much . 😅

But the boys aren’t like so and so is mad at so and so because they’re being rude blah blah. The boys will figure out the plan about 2 hours before game time. Clearly this is all about girls and OP should stated that up front b/c OP was also the one saying the whole point is for girls to get ready with each other. Which many people also disagreed with.

Actually, yes, they do. But keep inventing excuses.

Sure, sure they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all realize that these “kids” are almost full adults, right? And helicopter mommy is trying to make the world what she taught her kid it’d was instead of reality. Hard lesson that will take a long time to fix.

Actually that's incorrect. These kids are 14, 15. The amount of maturing that happens between those ages and being an "adult" is tremendous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Thank you. I am the OP and this is what I meant. I am so glad a few of you see eye to eye with me on this. Everyone else is ... wow!

And those of us who see this as pity invites are also saying wow to you.

Its clear you are missing the point entirely and inclusiveness is not taught in your home.

I am absolutely not missing the point. I, like others, just disagree. And, while I get you want to throw insults at me, you have no idea what we teach and what type of people my kids are turning out to be. Your behavior speaks far more about you than me or my family. We don’t insult people who disagree with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hoco is important to some and it is sad that some kids don't feel that they can go because they haven't been included.

Life is hard and we don't have to tailor ourselves to your kids anxieties. That's THEIR problem, not ours.

So tired of being told I have to accommodate other people's dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoco is important to some and it is sad that some kids don't feel that they can go because they haven't been included.

Life is hard and we don't have to tailor ourselves to your kids anxieties. That's THEIR problem, not ours.

So tired of being told I have to accommodate other people's dysfunction.

We already knew you were an ass. No need to come back and tell us over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all realize that these “kids” are almost full adults, right? And helicopter mommy is trying to make the world what she taught her kid it’d was instead of reality. Hard lesson that will take a long time to fix.

Actually that's incorrect. These kids are 14, 15. The amount of maturing that happens between those ages and being an "adult" is tremendous.

And part of maturing is dealing with your insecurities. If your 14-15 yr old wants to go to homecoming, encourage them to go. Either by themselves, with one friend, with two. Any combination works. They don’t need to be asked by anyone. Just go. It’s filled with hundreds of kids that when there, are all intermingled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoco is important to some and it is sad that some kids don't feel that they can go because they haven't been included.

Life is hard and we don't have to tailor ourselves to your kids anxieties. That's THEIR problem, not ours.

So tired of being told I have to accommodate other people's dysfunction.

We already knew you were an ass. No need to come back and tell us over and over again.

+1 :lol:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Thank you. I am the OP and this is what I meant. I am so glad a few of you see eye to eye with me on this. Everyone else is ... wow!

100% agree and love the wording of PP. I have a DD who is on the fringe of two different friend groups. They are nice enough to her in school but never include her outside of school and decline her invitations.

Shhhh....we learned around page 10 that we don't use that word anymore...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoco is important to some and it is sad that some kids don't feel that they can go because they haven't been included.

Life is hard and we don't have to tailor ourselves to your kids anxieties. That's THEIR problem, not ours.

So tired of being told I have to accommodate other people's dysfunction.

We already knew you were an ass. No need to come back and tell us over and over again.

NP, but is anyone else seeing the irony in the posters asking for kindness calling the other posters "ass"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoco is important to some and it is sad that some kids don't feel that they can go because they haven't been included.

Life is hard and we don't have to tailor ourselves to your kids anxieties. That's THEIR problem, not ours.

So tired of being told I have to accommodate other people's dysfunction.

We already knew you were an ass. No need to come back and tell us over and over again.

NP, but is anyone else seeing the irony in the posters asking for kindness calling the other posters "ass"

Do as I say, not as I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoco is important to some and it is sad that some kids don't feel that they can go because they haven't been included.

Life is hard and we don't have to tailor ourselves to your kids anxieties. That's THEIR problem, not ours.

So tired of being told I have to accommodate other people's dysfunction.

WOW. You have got to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoco is important to some and it is sad that some kids don't feel that they can go because they haven't been included.

Life is hard and we don't have to tailor ourselves to your kids anxieties. That's THEIR problem, not ours.

So tired of being told I have to accommodate other people's dysfunction.

We already knew you were an ass. No need to come back and tell us over and over again.

NP, but is anyone else seeing the irony in the posters asking for kindness calling the other posters "ass"

No. There isn't irony there. It's calling out behavior that is UNKIND.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all realize that these “kids” are almost full adults, right? And helicopter mommy is trying to make the world what she taught her kid it’d was instead of reality. Hard lesson that will take a long time to fix.

Actually that's incorrect. These kids are 14, 15. The amount of maturing that happens between those ages and being an "adult" is tremendous.

And part of maturing is dealing with your insecurities. If your 14-15 yr old wants to go to homecoming, encourage them to go. Either by themselves, with one friend, with two. Any combination works. They don’t need to be asked by anyone. Just go. It’s filled with hundreds of kids that when there, are all intermingled.

And would it be the end of the world if the people they are friends with asked them if they had plans? According to you, it is. Again, terrible parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoco is important to some and it is sad that some kids don't feel that they can go because they haven't been included.

Life is hard and we don't have to tailor ourselves to your kids anxieties. That's THEIR problem, not ours.

So tired of being told I have to accommodate other people's dysfunction.

We already knew you were an ass. No need to come back and tell us over and over again.

NP, but is anyone else seeing the irony in the posters asking for kindness calling the other posters "ass"

No. There isn't irony there. It's calling out behavior that is UNKIND.

You would probably not be turning off as many people if you would do it in a kind and rational way. Otherwise it seems like maybe you imparted your bad attitude to your kids and that may be part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all realize that these “kids” are almost full adults, right? And helicopter mommy is trying to make the world what she taught her kid it’d was instead of reality. Hard lesson that will take a long time to fix.

Actually that's incorrect. These kids are 14, 15. The amount of maturing that happens between those ages and being an "adult" is tremendous.

And part of maturing is dealing with your insecurities. If your 14-15 yr old wants to go to homecoming, encourage them to go. Either by themselves, with one friend, with two. Any combination works. They don’t need to be asked by anyone. Just go. It’s filled with hundreds of kids that when there, are all intermingled.

And would it be the end of the world if the people they are friends with asked them if they had plans? According to you, it is. Again, terrible parenting.

Have you talked to your daughter about why her “friends” never include her? There may be more going on behind the scenes.