PSA-Hoco

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, not talking about charity invites. Talking about checking on actual friends to make sure they all have Hoco plans. Raise your kids to do better.

That’s not what OP said. OP specifically said reach out to people they know. Not everyone a kid knows is their friend. When you reach beyond your friend group, as OP requested we have our kids do, it’s a charity invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, not talking about charity invites. Talking about checking on actual friends to make sure they all have Hoco plans. Raise your kids to do better.

Again, people are changing the context of this hypothetical bc deep down, they know OP's suggestion is crazy, even though they want it to be true.

OF COURSE you check in on actual friends. But that's not what OP said. OP said "people they know"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering who even wants these charity invites. Seems it would be really awkward and painful to have your solo status pointed out to you.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Yes, it would be the nice/right thing to do! That is what I am saying.

It might be nice, but it isn't how the world works. If you are implying to your children that it is, you are part of the problem with how they are developing social skills. You might need to call in someone to help you with those skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, not talking about charity invites. Talking about checking on actual friends to make sure they all have Hoco plans. Raise your kids to do better.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, not talking about charity invites. Talking about checking on actual friends to make sure they all have Hoco plans. Raise your kids to do better.

That’s not what OP said. OP specifically said reach out to people they know. Not everyone a kid knows is their friend. When you reach beyond your friend group, as OP requested we have our kids do, it’s a charity invite.

DP. I’m not the OP, but I’m going to go ahead and excuse your kid. Don’t sweat it. If they’re anything like mom, they’re way too obtuse to understand the idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, not talking about charity invites. Talking about checking on actual friends to make sure they all have Hoco plans. Raise your kids to do better.

That’s not what OP said. OP specifically said reach out to people they know. Not everyone a kid knows is their friend. When you reach beyond your friend group, as OP requested we have our kids do, it’s a charity invite.

DP. I’m not the OP, but I’m going to go ahead and excuse your kid. Don’t sweat it. If they’re anything like mom, they’re way too obtuse to understand the idea.

+1 Another DP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was proud of DD last year as a sophomore, she went to hoco by herself. She's not part of a friend group but gets along with lots of different people, and she bounced from group to group. I picked her up at 11pm at the end, and she said she had a blast. She plans to do the same this year.

This!!! Honestly, THIS is what all parents should be encouraging if your child doesn’t decide to go with others. There is zero shame in walking in alone. You don’t need to group to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was proud of DD last year as a sophomore, she went to hoco by herself. She's not part of a friend group but gets along with lots of different people, and she bounced from group to group. I picked her up at 11pm at the end, and she said she had a blast. She plans to do the same this year.

This!!! Honestly, THIS is what all parents should be encouraging if your child doesn’t decide to go with others. There is zero shame in walking in alone. You don’t need to group to attend.

You don't but can we all agree that the best part of Hoco for most of the girls is the getting ready together and having a group for photos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was proud of DD last year as a sophomore, she went to hoco by herself. She's not part of a friend group but gets along with lots of different people, and she bounced from group to group. I picked her up at 11pm at the end, and she said she had a blast. She plans to do the same this year.

This!!! Honestly, THIS is what all parents should be encouraging if your child doesn’t decide to go with others. There is zero shame in walking in alone. You don’t need to group to attend.

You don't but can we all agree that the best part of Hoco for most of the girls is the getting ready together and having a group for photos?

No, we can’t agree on that. Not all girls do this. And boys certainly don’t at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, not talking about charity invites. Talking about checking on actual friends to make sure they all have Hoco plans. Raise your kids to do better.

Unless said kid has no phone, it’s highly unlikely that they aren’t talking to their friends about their plans. Isn’t that the whole point of having friends? Actual friends know what’s going on with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, not talking about charity invites. Talking about checking on actual friends to make sure they all have Hoco plans. Raise your kids to do better.

Again, people are changing the context of this hypothetical bc deep down, they know OP's suggestion is crazy, even though they want it to be true.

OF COURSE you check in on actual friends. But that's not what OP said. OP said "people they know"

OP here. "People they know" equals friends. That's what I meant and I wasn't suggesting that kids just ask any and everyone what their plans but they should reach out to the kids in their friend group to make sure everyone has a plan. Nothing crazy about being a bit more diligent and socially aware for this event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was proud of DD last year as a sophomore, she went to hoco by herself. She's not part of a friend group but gets along with lots of different people, and she bounced from group to group. I picked her up at 11pm at the end, and she said she had a blast. She plans to do the same this year.

This!!! Honestly, THIS is what all parents should be encouraging if your child doesn’t decide to go with others. There is zero shame in walking in alone. You don’t need to group to attend.

You don't but can we all agree that the best part of Hoco for most of the girls is the getting ready together and having a group for photos?

No, we can’t agree on that. Not all girls do this. And boys certainly don’t at all.

Obtuse. Most girls do.

[Anonymous]

Ok, for those of you whose teens are always on top socially, let me explain what I think OP meant.

My kid was interested in seeing what Homecoming was all about in tenth grade, but it wasn’t until about three hours before the dance that she seemed to have a plan worked out. If your kid doesn’t have a tight group, or the parents aren’t heavily involved, observing teens try to make plans on their own can be puzzling.

In my daughter’s case, there was no way she would have expected or wanted a pity invite from kids she’s know since preschool, but hasn’t hung out with since middle school. Not her crowd, totally fine.

She thought about showing up solo, but thankfully a group of three girls who she eats lunch with—not her best friends, but people she’s friendly enough with—asked her if she wanted to meet up beforehand and ride with them. They took a few pictures, went to the dance, and had a perfectly average time. My daughter said she’d be fine if she never went to another one, but she’s glad she knows what it’s like now.

So from a parents’ point of view, it might be as simple as saying to your kid, “hey we’ve got extra in the minivan—do you know anyone else who might want a ride?” That’s all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Yes, it would be the nice/right thing to do! That is what I am saying.

It might be nice, but it isn't how the world works. If you are implying to your children that it is, you are part of the problem with how they are developing social skills. You might need to call in someone to help you with those skills.

This. This is the bigger problem. Even a casual throw-away comment like "would have been nice if this group invited more people" is sending the wrong message to the kid.

The message needs to be "why don you text some Johnny" or "see what Jill is up to before HoCo". But as a PP said, HoCo is sort of the wrong time to do this. The next few weeks should be 'have you thought about joining the crew for the school play?" or "I saw in the flyer that model UN was starting. You should check it out"