PSA-Hoco

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That seems like an odd approach. My son didn't have anyone to go with (his closer friends did not want to), so he reached out to more casual friends from his sports team and asked to join, and they said yes. He had a good time, but I would not have expected them to ask him to join them - they would assume he was going with his closer friend group.

This. This is how its done

[Anonymous]

My son is on the spectrum and while I think that OPs sentiment is very sweet, I don't think it will ever happen. Just look at the responses already. It's really not that hard to just say "hey, want to join us at HC?" to a kid that you know damn well longs to have friends and be included. You have no idea how much that would mean to a kid who almost never receives kindness from other kids at school. But instead, parents model behavior (as evidenced here) and kids pick up on it. And we have a much less kind world for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Your kids probably conceal a lot of things from you because you are so callous. They know any outward show of weakness will be met with your it's-a-dog-eat-dog-world brand of judgment. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Many of these kids with existing friend groups are just as socially awkward as OP's DC.

Asking them to approach someone and invite them to something like HoCo would never happen.

Nor, she would ask them to do something like that, if they are uncomfortable doing it.

[Anonymous]

Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Your kids probably conceal a lot of things from you because you are so callous. They know any outward show of weakness will be met with your it's-a-dog-eat-dog-world brand of judgment. Ask me how I know.

Jesus H. That's quite a leap.

I'm just saying OP's plan is completely ridiculous given logistics, size of high schools, and teen social skills.

My kids can invite whoever they want to their HoCo group. But I would never ask them to invite someone that they don't know or don't want there.

I wouldn't do that myself (nor would most of you), so I don't know why we would ask our kids to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

You are showing your true colors. So every kid who is socially awkward is annoying and doesn't deserve to be included? You are gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Your kids probably conceal a lot of things from you because you are so callous. They know any outward show of weakness will be met with your it's-a-dog-eat-dog-world brand of judgment. Ask me how I know.

Jesus H. That's quite a leap.

I'm just saying OP's plan is completely ridiculous given logistics, size of high schools, and teen social skills.

My kids can invite whoever they want to their HoCo group. But I would never ask them to invite someone that they don't know or don't want there.

I wouldn't do that myself (nor would most of you), so I don't know why we would ask our kids to do that.

You are being purposely obtuse to justify your mean-girl behavior.

[Anonymous]

Whenever my kids interact with anyone out in public, I ask that they be:

- Kind.
- Respectful
- Polite
- Friendly.

And they are. But they are not responsible for anyone else's social life.

I know it must be hard for OP to see their child struggle socially, having not found their friend group yet. But its backwards to put that responsibility on other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Your kids probably conceal a lot of things from you because you are so callous. They know any outward show of weakness will be met with your it's-a-dog-eat-dog-world brand of judgment. Ask me how I know.

Jesus H. That's quite a leap.

I'm just saying OP's plan is completely ridiculous given logistics, size of high schools, and teen social skills.

My kids can invite whoever they want to their HoCo group. But I would never ask them to invite someone that they don't know or don't want there.

I wouldn't do that myself (nor would most of you), so I don't know why we would ask our kids to do that.

You are being purposely obtuse to justify your mean-girl behavior.

I'm not PP. It's not mean girl behavior. Teens are finicky, and it's hard to keep up even when they are friends. It's much better to down play these dumb dances all together. Look for actual activities that your teen can make friends on his/her own (often found outside of school).

[Anonymous]

How would they know your kid doesn't have a group to go with? Kids aren't proactive about planning. BTDT with older DC now in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

You are showing your true colors. So every kid who is socially awkward is annoying and doesn't deserve to be included? You are gross.

DP…. I disagree. An event like homecoming in which you’re spending time with your closest friends and/or partner is not the time to invite random people who you barely know. How totally awkward! It’s like inviting someone you barely know what work to your Thanksgiving table or wedding. Why would you do that? there are many other activities that are appropriate to invite other people to get to know them better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Your kids probably conceal a lot of things from you because you are so callous. They know any outward show of weakness will be met with your it's-a-dog-eat-dog-world brand of judgment. Ask me how I know.

Jesus H. That's quite a leap.

I'm just saying OP's plan is completely ridiculous given logistics, size of high schools, and teen social skills.

My kids can invite whoever they want to their HoCo group. But I would never ask them to invite someone that they don't know or don't want there.

I wouldn't do that myself (nor would most of you), so I don't know why we would ask our kids to do that.

You are being purposely obtuse to justify your mean-girl behavior.

Not at all

You're being very defensive because its difficult to see your child struggle socially. Which, trust me, is something to which I can relate. We moved in the middle of 6th grade and it took close to a full year for DD to make friends. It wasn't until midway through 7th when she found her friend group by signing up for the school play.

The PP with the lunch comparison makes a good point. When was the last time you went out to lunch with the guy that works the front desk? Heck, not even the annoying coworker; the guy you say "good morning" to on the way to your office?

It's not that he's annoying. It's just that you don't know him. And you already have some friends at work that you grab lunch with. So you don't think twice. And its okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, next time you have plans with your friends ask your annoying coworker to join.

You are showing your true colors. So every kid who is socially awkward is annoying and doesn't deserve to be included? You are gross.

DP…. I disagree. An event like homecoming in which you’re spending time with your closest friends and/or partner is not the time to invite random people who you barely know. How totally awkward! It’s like inviting someone you barely know what work to your Thanksgiving table or wedding. Why would you do that? there are many other activities that are appropriate to invite other people to get to know them better.

HAHAHAHA You peaked in HS, I can tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever my kids interact with anyone out in public, I ask that they be:

- Kind.
- Respectful
- Polite
- Friendly.

And they are. But they are not responsible for anyone else's social life.

I know it must be hard for OP to see their child struggle socially, having not found their friend group yet. But its backwards to put that responsibility on other kids.

This!!