Why are teenagers so hard?

[Anonymous]

Teens are hard…they are driving, drinking, going to parties, have boyfriends, school is hard, college applications are brutal. It’s a lot.

[Anonymous]

The teen years are mentally and emotionally draining. The younger years are physically draining. I was young when I had my kids so the physical demands didn't bother me as much with my older kids. I feel the physical demands of the younger kids more now because I'm older.
Don't worry about the future. Enjoy each moment with your kid today OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, it’s not to wish the years away. Every stage has its annoyances, where you think “I can’t WAIT for them to stop doing (thing that is driving you crazy). Everything will be golden then.” Eventually they do outgrow (thing that is driving you crazy), but then (new thing that drives you crazy) comes along to replace it. Just as Thing A gets easier, Thing B rears it head. There’s never a point where you think, “I’ve arrived.” It’s a never ending game of wack a mole.

For example, I couldn’t wait for my twins to walk so I could stop carrying them everywhere and actually take them places. But then I quickly realized that walking brought a whole new set of issues, from running in two different directions in a busy parking lot to detouring through every.single.mud.puddle. Once we got that under control, riding bikes and getting them out of the house on time became the next challenge. And so on.

All you can do is enjoy each stage as it comes, and trust that the work and love you put in now will pay off later. Teens can be difficult, but they also can be pretty awesome.

How old are your twins?

They’ll be 13 next month. Still running in different directions!

Oh, sweetie. It's early yet.

Not really. You blink and they’re out the door.

[Anonymous]

It's a long road to OP man. At some point you'll enjoy more and some ages will be dark and others a black hole. For MOST not all, age 13/14-17 might be hardest. Every family is different. Every kid is different but if everyone seems to go through similar emotions - OP nobody's making it up. You got a loooooooooooooong way to go yet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, it’s not to wish the years away. Every stage has its annoyances, where you think “I can’t WAIT for them to stop doing (thing that is driving you crazy). Everything will be golden then.” Eventually they do outgrow (thing that is driving you crazy), but then (new thing that drives you crazy) comes along to replace it. Just as Thing A gets easier, Thing B rears it head. There’s never a point where you think, “I’ve arrived.” It’s a never ending game of wack a mole.

For example, I couldn’t wait for my twins to walk so I could stop carrying them everywhere and actually take them places. But then I quickly realized that walking brought a whole new set of issues, from running in two different directions in a busy parking lot to detouring through every.single.mud.puddle. Once we got that under control, riding bikes and getting them out of the house on time became the next challenge. And so on.

All you can do is enjoy each stage as it comes, and trust that the work and love you put in now will pay off later. Teens can be difficult, but they also can be pretty awesome.

How old are your twins?

They’ll be 13 next month. Still running in different directions!

I asked because mine are 17 and seniors. This is the most stressful time for me since the first year, hands down.

That must be really challenging, with all the senior year activities x 2. Are they both applying to college?

just went through this last year with my twins. Good luck! My suggestion is go 1000% full force to get everything EA and be done. Sept-Nov were HARD, but the rest of the year was a breeze (well, there were 100x activities) but the college application process was done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every stage has positives and negatives but I have teens now and get it. My kids are really easy and we all have good relationships, but it’s so much less rewarding and fun than the younger years for me as a parent. They don’t smile when they see me or particularly want to spend time together. My role as parent has evolved to occasional good conversations and lots of figuring out the right balance of being a total nag and tolerating too much less-than-desirable but typical teen behavior. And driving them places, staying up late to bring them home, eschewing family trips or other things I enjoy because of their school or sports commitments (or doing those things anyway but in the company of someone who really doesn’t want to be there, which sucks a lot of the joy out even if they are being a trooper and trying to feign a decent attitude). There’s not a lot of joy.

And this is with two easy kids who generally are not outright disrespectful, are doing well in school, involved in activities, get along well socially, and so far have refrained from risky behaviors. Many of my friends and relatives are not as lucky. Two in my close circle have had kids hospitalized for mental health issues in the last 6 months, others have been failing classes, getting in scary, risky behavior, or just REALLY disrespectful/miserable to be around.

This is exactly how I feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, it’s not to wish the years away. Every stage has its annoyances, where you think “I can’t WAIT for them to stop doing (thing that is driving you crazy). Everything will be golden then.” Eventually they do outgrow (thing that is driving you crazy), but then (new thing that drives you crazy) comes along to replace it. Just as Thing A gets easier, Thing B rears it head. There’s never a point where you think, “I’ve arrived.” It’s a never ending game of wack a mole.

For example, I couldn’t wait for my twins to walk so I could stop carrying them everywhere and actually take them places. But then I quickly realized that walking brought a whole new set of issues, from running in two different directions in a busy parking lot to detouring through every.single.mud.puddle. Once we got that under control, riding bikes and getting them out of the house on time became the next challenge. And so on.

All you can do is enjoy each stage as it comes, and trust that the work and love you put in now will pay off later. Teens can be difficult, but they also can be pretty awesome.

How old are your twins?

They’ll be 13 next month. Still running in different directions!

I asked because mine are 17 and seniors. This is the most stressful time for me since the first year, hands down.

That must be really challenging, with all the senior year activities x 2. Are they both applying to college?

just went through this last year with my twins. Good luck! My suggestion is go 1000% full force to get everything EA and be done. Sept-Nov were HARD, but the rest of the year was a breeze (well, there were 100x activities) but the college application process was done.

That is what we are doing. Dd is generally good about it, but ds absolutely hates me right now. I let him stay home today and told him you have to do some common app stuff. He is resisting, saying why now, why can't I do it later...but he has a very full plate with school and sports and so many seasonal fun activities coming up. Everything is a battle and seemingly always my fault for being annoying. He always has excuses for why later is better, but later this month = Homecoming, a weekend field trip, so many meets...He is a social kid, good student but would rather do anything but college apps, as if his future weren't concerned here. I care more than he does which is aggravating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, it’s not to wish the years away. Every stage has its annoyances, where you think “I can’t WAIT for them to stop doing (thing that is driving you crazy). Everything will be golden then.” Eventually they do outgrow (thing that is driving you crazy), but then (new thing that drives you crazy) comes along to replace it. Just as Thing A gets easier, Thing B rears it head. There’s never a point where you think, “I’ve arrived.” It’s a never ending game of wack a mole.

For example, I couldn’t wait for my twins to walk so I could stop carrying them everywhere and actually take them places. But then I quickly realized that walking brought a whole new set of issues, from running in two different directions in a busy parking lot to detouring through every.single.mud.puddle. Once we got that under control, riding bikes and getting them out of the house on time became the next challenge. And so on.

All you can do is enjoy each stage as it comes, and trust that the work and love you put in now will pay off later. Teens can be difficult, but they also can be pretty awesome.

How old are your twins?

They’ll be 13 next month. Still running in different directions!

I asked because mine are 17 and seniors. This is the most stressful time for me since the first year, hands down.

That must be really challenging, with all the senior year activities x 2. Are they both applying to college?

just went through this last year with my twins. Good luck! My suggestion is go 1000% full force to get everything EA and be done. Sept-Nov were HARD, but the rest of the year was a breeze (well, there were 100x activities) but the college application process was done.

That is what we are doing. Dd is generally good about it, but ds absolutely hates me right now. I let him stay home today and told him you have to do some common app stuff. He is resisting, saying why now, why can't I do it later...but he has a very full plate with school and sports and so many seasonal fun activities coming up. Everything is a battle and seemingly always my fault for being annoying. He always has excuses for why later is better, but later this month = Homecoming, a weekend field trip, so many meets...He is a social kid, good student but would rather do anything but college apps, as if his future weren't concerned here. I care more than he does which is aggravating.

PP here. We had due dates every Sunday at 8pm (essay draft, essay revisions, draft of activities/honors, common app completion, etc) Not being done by that weeks activities by Sunday at 8p had a consequence. I also made myself available multiple times during the week/weekend to help, but was not helping after 6pm on Sundays. One of my kids was SO OVER me, but I didn't care. Everything was done by November 15 (well, a few days before) and the rest of senior year was busy, but fun. (In the end, DS begrudgingly agreed that it was best to have it all done as he watched his friends scramble over winter break.)

[Anonymous]

Teenage stage is hard because their life takes over your life. You have to drive them everywhere, sports take over weeks and weekends. Then add in personality, issues, whatever.

My kid is a very good kid, but he's at TJ and wants to go to an elite school. That was my path so I know what it takes and it's all-consuming.

[Anonymous]

My teenage boys were incredibly easy. One is 19--Freshmen in College. The other is a current Junior in HS.

Straight As--with zero helicoptering. Sports, school and nice friends. Neither of them drink. They did/do go to an all-boy HS which took a lot of the 'girl' distraction out of the equation and the kids were very into sports so that kept them on the straight and narrow---with academics in between.

What mattered most was that they both had a really great group of friends. The oldest--friends since kindergarten. We know the families well--good people. We are all on the same page. The younger one was starting to hang with a more trouble crowd in 8th--but after the move to private HS he's got a much better group of friends that are motivated in academics and sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teenage stage is hard because their life takes over your life. You have to drive them everywhere, sports take over weeks and weekends. Then add in personality, issues, whatever.

My kid is a very good kid, but he's at TJ and wants to go to an elite school. That was my path so I know what it takes and it's all-consuming.

My smart ds has zero ambition. It's another headache. Endless balance of trying to get him to apply to at least some better schools (I don't mean Ivies, just not #400 regional college when he could get in somewhere top 100) without being ott nagging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teenage boys were incredibly easy. One is 19--Freshmen in College. The other is a current Junior in HS.

Straight As--with zero helicoptering. Sports, school and nice friends. Neither of them drink. They did/do go to an all-boy HS which took a lot of the 'girl' distraction out of the equation and the kids were very into sports so that kept them on the straight and narrow---with academics in between.

What mattered most was that they both had a really great group of friends. The oldest--friends since kindergarten. We know the families well--good people. We are all on the same page. The younger one was starting to hang with a more trouble crowd in 8th--but after the move to private HS he's got a much better group of friends that are motivated in academics and sports.

and I agree with pp. My kids are easy---but it is just busy. The sports take up so much driving time/down time.

[Anonymous]

Your question is a bit off-putting but assuming you're genuinely asking...look, you have a 9mo old. You feel it's difficult. Others sailed through that stage and felt it was easy. No one can truly really understand what the other stages of parenting are like until they're in them--and even then, everyone's experience is a bit different. There are so many factors that go into it.

But to answer your question why teenagers are so hard: just imagine that tiny, sweet human to whom you have devoted so much of your time, body, and energy goes through puberty and emerges with emotions and personality traits you never saw coming. Your affectionate, enthusiastic and cheerful kid is now ambivalent, moody, and recoils when you try to hug them. And they think they know more than you about everything, always. It's sort of baffling to watch as a parent. And the stakes are so high. Yes, the stakes are high in the baby phase because you literally have to keep your child alive, but you have to do the same for teenagers yet now very little of it is within your control. It can be nerve-wracking. Don't get me wrong, my kids are great and aren't nightmares all the time. But in many ways it can be much harder than the early stages of parenting.

[Anonymous]

During younger years we could just spontaneously go on a little day trip, have a lot of fun, relax. Now on the weekends ds usually works, dd has sports, when not doing these things they are with friends. So there is no fun weekend time regularly. The week is so busy as well, and it's a lot of sour moods, stress, coming in and out of the house between activities, ds asking for a later curfew, me worrying about him driving, being tired the next day from waiting...It's all the work and worry of childrearing without the fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, it’s not to wish the years away. Every stage has its annoyances, where you think “I can’t WAIT for them to stop doing (thing that is driving you crazy). Everything will be golden then.” Eventually they do outgrow (thing that is driving you crazy), but then (new thing that drives you crazy) comes along to replace it. Just as Thing A gets easier, Thing B rears it head. There’s never a point where you think, “I’ve arrived.” It’s a never ending game of wack a mole.

For example, I couldn’t wait for my twins to walk so I could stop carrying them everywhere and actually take them places. But then I quickly realized that walking brought a whole new set of issues, from running in two different directions in a busy parking lot to detouring through every.single.mud.puddle. Once we got that under control, riding bikes and getting them out of the house on time became the next challenge. And so on.

All you can do is enjoy each stage as it comes, and trust that the work and love you put in now will pay off later. Teens can be difficult, but they also can be pretty awesome.

How old are your twins?

They’ll be 13 next month. Still running in different directions! :D

I asked because mine are 17 and seniors. This is the most stressful time for me since the first year, hands down.

That must be really challenging, with all the senior year activities x 2. Are they both applying to college?

just went through this last year with my twins. Good luck! My suggestion is go 1000% full force to get everything EA and be done. Sept-Nov were HARD, but the rest of the year was a breeze (well, there were 100x activities) but the college application process was done.

That is what we are doing. Dd is generally good about it, but ds absolutely hates me right now. I let him stay home today and told him you have to do some common app stuff. He is resisting, saying why now, why can't I do it later...but he has a very full plate with school and sports and so many seasonal fun activities coming up. Everything is a battle and seemingly always my fault for being annoying. He always has excuses for why later is better, but later this month = Homecoming, a weekend field trip, so many meets...He is a social kid, good student but would rather do anything but college apps, as if his future weren't concerned here. I care more than he does which is aggravating.

PP here. We had due dates every Sunday at 8pm (essay draft, essay revisions, draft of activities/honors, common app completion, etc) Not being done by that weeks activities by Sunday at 8p had a consequence. I also made myself available multiple times during the week/weekend to help, but was not helping after 6pm on Sundays. One of my kids was SO OVER me, but I didn't care. Everything was done by November 15 (well, a few days before) and the rest of senior year was busy, but fun. (In the end, DS begrudgingly agreed that it was best to have it all done as he watched his friends scramble over winter break.)

Is there a thread where this stuff is discussed? I have an 11th grader and would love to follow along so i have some knowledge going into next year.