Why are teenagers so hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three teenagers. Teenagers are awesome. But there are very real challenges. It is more mental and emotional than the physical challenges of babyhood.

Is it harder to wake up four times over night to a teething baby crying or get a 14 year old back on track after they failed their first test ever in high school because they didn’t study for geometry?

Is it harder to worry if your baby is crawling on time or worry that your 16 year old is heading out with a new license driving without you for the first time.

Is it worse to worry about the rash of hand foot and mouth disease or to console a 17 year old that just had her first boyfriend every break up with her.

The baby years can be a physical slog. The teen years can be a mental and emotional slog.

This. And you are older and maybe have more career responsibility. The problems are bigger. It’s just a lot.

[Anonymous]

I have a 14 yo DS (if it matters as I’ve heard it’s a bit easier with boys) and he is such a joy to be around (knocking on wood). So, so much easier than a 9 mo old!
He is fairly self sufficient so I don’t have to worry about childcare or pickups or even what to feed him. He can be reasoned with! And he actually says interesting things and is not in my hair all the time. Heaven!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, it’s not to wish the years away. Every stage has its annoyances, where you think “I can’t WAIT for them to stop doing (thing that is driving you crazy). Everything will be golden then.” Eventually they do outgrow (thing that is driving you crazy), but then (new thing that drives you crazy) comes along to replace it. Just as Thing A gets easier, Thing B rears it head. There’s never a point where you think, “I’ve arrived.” It’s a never ending game of wack a mole.

For example, I couldn’t wait for my twins to walk so I could stop carrying them everywhere and actually take them places. But then I quickly realized that walking brought a whole new set of issues, from running in two different directions in a busy parking lot to detouring through every.single.mud.puddle. Once we got that under control, riding bikes and getting them out of the house on time became the next challenge. And so on.

All you can do is enjoy each stage as it comes, and trust that the work and love you put in now will pay off later. Teens can be difficult, but they also can be pretty awesome.

How old are your twins?

They’ll be 13 next month. Still running in different directions!

I asked because mine are 17 and seniors. This is the most stressful time for me since the first year, hands down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, it’s not to wish the years away. Every stage has its annoyances, where you think “I can’t WAIT for them to stop doing (thing that is driving you crazy). Everything will be golden then.” Eventually they do outgrow (thing that is driving you crazy), but then (new thing that drives you crazy) comes along to replace it. Just as Thing A gets easier, Thing B rears it head. There’s never a point where you think, “I’ve arrived.” It’s a never ending game of wack a mole.

For example, I couldn’t wait for my twins to walk so I could stop carrying them everywhere and actually take them places. But then I quickly realized that walking brought a whole new set of issues, from running in two different directions in a busy parking lot to detouring through every.single.mud.puddle. Once we got that under control, riding bikes and getting them out of the house on time became the next challenge. And so on.

All you can do is enjoy each stage as it comes, and trust that the work and love you put in now will pay off later. Teens can be difficult, but they also can be pretty awesome.

How old are your twins?

They’ll be 13 next month. Still running in different directions!

I asked because mine are 17 and seniors. This is the most stressful time for me since the first year, hands down.

That must be really challenging, with all the senior year activities x 2. Are they both applying to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My teens are very emotionally needy: they tell me everything, want my input on things...To me there is more neediness at that age than ever and it's more complicated, not just a hug after a fall.

I'm the PP. Mine are definitely NOT emotionally needy. Tell me everything? I hope not, I'm certain they keep some stuff to themselves, I did at their ages. Want my input? Not a chance. Once they started seeking independence, I loosened the rope and let them figure things out. Sure, I get asked and we discuss, but not everything. I'm confident they have good heads on their shoulders. Mine were VERY needy as little kids and it was exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My teens are very emotionally needy: they tell me everything, want my input on things...To me there is more neediness at that age than ever and it's more complicated, not just a hug after a fall.

I'm the PP. Mine are definitely NOT emotionally needy. Tell me everything? I hope not, I'm certain they keep some stuff to themselves, I did at their ages. Want my input? Not a chance. Once they started seeking independence, I loosened the rope and let them figure things out. Sure, I get asked and we discuss, but not everything. I'm confident they have good heads on their shoulders. Mine were VERY needy as little kids and it was exhausting.

DP. Your 2 posts have made it clear that you are not a good source of comfort for your children, so they act accordingly with you. /shrug

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DP. Your 2 posts have made it clear that you are not a good source of comfort for your children, so they act accordingly with you. /shrug

Thank you for your diagnosis. /shrug

[Anonymous]

As someone who just returned home from teenage driving practice, I think you might be purposefully obtuse, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 15. I enjoy his sense of humor when he is in the mood to be interactive, but he seems to want to avoid me most of the time, unless he is in an especially good mood. I admire his athleticism.

I am not sure why he is so avoidant, as I'm not especially strict.

It’s literally their MO. One of the first things that book “Get out of my life but first…” tells you about teen boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 14 yo DS (if it matters as I’ve heard it’s a bit easier with boys) and he is such a joy to be around (knocking on wood). So, so much easier than a 9 mo old!
He is fairly self sufficient so I don’t have to worry about childcare or pickups or even what to feed him. He can be reasoned with! And he actually says interesting things and is not in my hair all the time. Heaven!

To add, the hardest years were 6-9 or so. It’s like he became a teen when everyone else had sweet little kids. Was a homebody and didn’t want to try anything new. He is much more relaxed and open to new things now, and even when he isn’t, I finally don’t feel like I am the only one with a kid like that since everyone has teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is only one time in my life I've considered mood-stabilizing medications and it was when I had teens.

my 16 yr old DD herself needs SSRIs.

Our teen is doing better after a few months of residential treatment and twice daily SSRIs.
I have all the prescriptions locked up and no longer have any firearms in the house.
And yet, some days are delightful!

[Anonymous]

Bigger kids, bigger problems.

[Anonymous]

Newborn stage was incredibly difficult for me. I now have two teens and it’s so much easier.

But they’re not into drinking/drugs/sex….so right now it’s easier. But I know things can and will change

[Anonymous]

Middle school and late elementary were my favorites. HS is harder because my kids are highly anxious, the classes are harder, there is more at stake, socially they struggle and don't tell me (developmentally appropriate). Then, they go out and you don't exactly know where they are and what they are doing - you trust them and pray it is the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the kids. I enjoyed both and generally found the teen years full of fun and laughs that accompany the aggravations, stress and worry.