Why are teenagers so hard?

[Anonymous]

I am in the thick of it and my DC is pretty easy in some respects. But we are dealing with lots of anxieties and things with DC and that is hard.

I read this today, actually, and it is the truest thing I can say about teens. Well, my teen:

My heart never rests.

And it's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, it’s not to wish the years away. Every stage has its annoyances, where you think “I can’t WAIT for them to stop doing (thing that is driving you crazy). Everything will be golden then.” Eventually they do outgrow (thing that is driving you crazy), but then (new thing that drives you crazy) comes along to replace it. Just as Thing A gets easier, Thing B rears it head. There’s never a point where you think, “I’ve arrived.” It’s a never ending game of wack a mole.

For example, I couldn’t wait for my twins to walk so I could stop carrying them everywhere and actually take them places. But then I quickly realized that walking brought a whole new set of issues, from running in two different directions in a busy parking lot to detouring through every.single.mud.puddle. Once we got that under control, riding bikes and getting them out of the house on time became the next challenge. And so on.

All you can do is enjoy each stage as it comes, and trust that the work and love you put in now will pay off later. Teens can be difficult, but they also can be pretty awesome.

How old are your twins?

They’ll be 13 next month. Still running in different directions!

[Anonymous]

This is just something people say.

Every stage of life has its challenges and its blessings. Don’t worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 15. I enjoy his sense of humor when he is in the mood to be interactive, but he seems to want to avoid me most of the time, unless he is in an especially good mood. I admire his athleticism.

I am not sure why he is so avoidant, as I'm not especially strict.

+1. Add in that my son when not feeling interactive is often rude. Other times he still hugs me and is incredibly sweet but that is getting less common.

[Anonymous]

I have three teenagers. Teenagers are awesome. But there are very real challenges. It is more mental and emotional than the physical challenges of babyhood.

Is it harder to wake up four times over night to a teething baby crying or get a 14 year old back on track after they failed their first test ever in high school because they didn’t study for geometry?

Is it harder to worry if your baby is crawling on time or worry that your 16 year old is heading out with a new license driving without you for the first time.

Is it worse to worry about the rash of hand foot and mouth disease or to console a 17 year old that just had her first boyfriend every break up with her.

[Anonymous]

The infant and toddler years are hard. Things mostly get easier for awhile in elementary school, you adjust to that and also start to have really fond memories of the early years and how cute your children were then (and to forget how tiring work and everything combined then was). Then things get somewhat harder - preteen hormones and moodiness, social stress/anxiety at school without much ability to see the bigger picture, independence and rebellion but without the ability to consistently make smart choices, teens still heavily need you but also do not worship or defer to their parents like younger children do. It is a very different stage and people in the middle of the thick of it may tend to idealize the early years.

[Anonymous]

OP - your baby is not talking or expressing their sentiments to you. That's why it's easier! Teens are little adults and are to be reckoned with as an individual. Sure you can punish them but they will talk back! They can tell you what they want, why and how. You can't manage their every action and for sure you are totally helpless when it comes to certain things including watching and being with them 24/7. Their freedom will potentially cause you all sorts of anxiety, frustrations, drama and everything else. On top of all this, they are going through hormonal changes that may alter their perceptions of reality

To be fair, some people are easier than others so you might get lucky with easy terms.

You need to ask your parents what their memories of your teen years are. You only recall your own reality - pretty sure that if you ask my DS 15 and DD 13 yr olds they will tell you they are awesome kids every minute! lol.

I think also that every stage has its challenges but in general, the older the more complexity - there's just a lot of mental energy going into the raising of teens if not also physical (drive times to activities). It's great cause you can have conversations and have a relationship with them that's a 2 way street. It's great because you don't have to wipe their butts! Hah. Great because it's less to care about in the sense of managing every part of their existence like play dates, playing with them, needing to be home with them every minute. But the problem is you're not in control anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three teenagers. Teenagers are awesome. But there are very real challenges. It is more mental and emotional than the physical challenges of babyhood.

Is it harder to wake up four times over night to a teething baby crying or get a 14 year old back on track after they failed their first test ever in high school because they didn’t study for geometry?

Is it harder to worry if your baby is crawling on time or worry that your 16 year old is heading out with a new license driving without you for the first time.

Is it worse to worry about the rash of hand foot and mouth disease or to console a 17 year old that just had her first boyfriend every break up with her.

Is it harder to worry if your baby is crawling on time or worry after receiving a phone call that your kid was in a car accident with a friend who was driving under the influence?

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on what kind of person you are. If you need adoration and demand a person doing as you want, you'll love the baby-toddler years. This was my mom. She literally never got over that I grew up and became my own person. It's important to grow with your kid. All stages of childhood are different. I have teens now and I love it: I have more time to myself and I can actually see what I taught when they were little taking hold. Sure, they don't communicate all the time, but I personally dislike emotionally needy people (thanks mom) and it doesn't bother me. I back off and let them be. But when I meet women (or men, yes there are) who talk about their teens baby years more than a second, I get out as soon as I can.

[suzu]

hormones
they trying out new things, taking risks
seeking more independence

[Anonymous]

Yup, it comes down to this: if you're someone who has control issues, you'll love the baby years and hate the teenage years and above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on what kind of person you are. If you need adoration and demand a person doing as you want, you'll love the baby-toddler years. This was my mom. She literally never got over that I grew up and became my own person. It's important to grow with your kid. All stages of childhood are different. I have teens now and I love it: I have more time to myself and I can actually see what I taught when they were little taking hold. Sure, they don't communicate all the time, but I personally dislike emotionally needy people (thanks mom) and it doesn't bother me. I back off and let them be. But when I meet women (or men, yes there are) who talk about their teens baby years more than a second, I get out as soon as I can.

My teens are very emotionally needy: they tell me everything, want my input on things...To me there is more neediness at that age than ever and it's more complicated, not just a hug after a fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three teenagers. Teenagers are awesome. But there are very real challenges. It is more mental and emotional than the physical challenges of babyhood.

Is it harder to wake up four times over night to a teething baby crying or get a 14 year old back on track after they failed their first test ever in high school because they didn’t study for geometry?

Is it harder to worry if your baby is crawling on time or worry that your 16 year old is heading out with a new license driving without you for the first time.

Is it worse to worry about the rash of hand foot and mouth disease or to console a 17 year old that just had her first boyfriend every break up with her.

The baby years can be a physical slog. The teen years can be a mental and emotional slog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on what kind of person you are. If you need adoration and demand a person doing as you want, you'll love the baby-toddler years. This was my mom. She literally never got over that I grew up and became my own person. It's important to grow with your kid. All stages of childhood are different. I have teens now and I love it: I have more time to myself and I can actually see what I taught when they were little taking hold. Sure, they don't communicate all the time, but I personally dislike emotionally needy people (thanks mom) and it doesn't bother me. I back off and let them be. But when I meet women (or men, yes there are) who talk about their teens baby years more than a second, I get out as soon as I can.

My teens are very emotionally needy: they tell me everything, want my input on things...To me there is more neediness at that age than ever and it's more complicated, not just a hug after a fall.

I think that teens need a LOT emotionally. Most don't talk about it anywhere near enough but they are at a really vulnerable age with so much changing in their bodies and their lives. PP's kids will probably be better off since they are talking with her/him. Not because they are needier than other teens, but because a lot of whats hard for most teens and for us is that they don't talk about whats going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, it’s not to wish the years away. Every stage has its annoyances, where you think “I can’t WAIT for them to stop doing (thing that is driving you crazy). Everything will be golden then.” Eventually they do outgrow (thing that is driving you crazy), but then (new thing that drives you crazy) comes along to replace it. Just as Thing A gets easier, Thing B rears it head. There’s never a point where you think, “I’ve arrived.” It’s a never ending game of wack a mole.

For example, I couldn’t wait for my twins to walk so I could stop carrying them everywhere and actually take them places. But then I quickly realized that walking brought a whole new set of issues, from running in two different directions in a busy parking lot to detouring through every.single.mud.puddle. Once we got that under control, riding bikes and getting them out of the house on time became the next challenge. And so on.

All you can do is enjoy each stage as it comes, and trust that the work and love you put in now will pay off later. Teens can be difficult, but they also can be pretty awesome.

How old are your twins?

They’ll be 13 next month. Still running in different directions!

Oh, sweetie. It's early yet.