Why are teenagers so hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on what kind of person you are. If you need adoration and demand a person doing as you want, you'll love the baby-toddler years. This was my mom. She literally never got over that I grew up and became my own person. It's important to grow with your kid. All stages of childhood are different. I have teens now and I love it: I have more time to myself and I can actually see what I taught when they were little taking hold. Sure, they don't communicate all the time, but I personally dislike emotionally needy people (thanks mom) and it doesn't bother me. I back off and let them be. But when I meet women (or men, yes there are) who talk about their teens baby years more than a second, I get out as soon as I can.

My teens are very emotionally needy: they tell me everything, want my input on things...To me there is more neediness at that age than ever and it's more complicated, not just a hug after a fall.

Mine are also communicative and want input on things. I don’t see it as needy, bc it’s my job to be there for them and help them navigate. It can be complicated, and less fun than the young years!

[Anonymous]

OP - people told me the same - but I still think the first year with a baby is the HARDEST!!! If you take the time to be present for your baby years 0-6, they will grow up securely attached, and make better decisions as teenagers. I have two teens now- ages 15 and 17 - and it really IS true. I loved attachment parenting and my teens are fantastic. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

“People” have so. many. opinions. when it comes to kids and parenting.

Whether it’s your co-workers, family members, or the lady on line behind you at Target, assume everyone has good intentions, but take it all with a grain of salt.

Some people’s idea of “hard” isn’t hard at all for other people. And the reverse is true, as well. And some kids are just harder than others at certain stages. So there’s no way to make accurate apples -to-apples comparisons.

(Also, many of us with teens are so far removed from our kids’ first year of life, that it’s hard to remember the difficulties accurately. Far easier to remember the good stuff - time has a way of doing that! 😊)

Here’s the best advice I ever got on this topic: Remember that everything with your kids is a phase! If you’re enjoying the present phase, soak it up and enjoy it! If you’re not enjoying it, remind yourself that it’s not forever. Kids change so quickly and next thing you know, they’ll have grown out of it and moved on to something else. So hold on loosely and don’t think too far in advance. Just ride the waves as they come. ❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every stage has positives and negatives but I have teens now and get it. My kids are really easy and we all have good relationships, but it’s so much less rewarding and fun than the younger years for me as a parent. They don’t smile when they see me or particularly want to spend time together. My role as parent has evolved to occasional good conversations and lots of figuring out the right balance of being a total nag and tolerating too much less-than-desirable but typical teen behavior. And driving them places, staying up late to bring them home, eschewing family trips or other things I enjoy because of their school or sports commitments (or doing those things anyway but in the company of someone who really doesn’t want to be there, which sucks a lot of the joy out even if they are being a trooper and trying to feign a decent attitude). There’s not a lot of joy.

And this is with two easy kids who generally are not outright disrespectful, are doing well in school, involved in activities, get along well socially, and so far have refrained from risky behaviors. Many of my friends and relatives are not as lucky. Two in my close circle have had kids hospitalized for mental health issues in the last 6 months, others have been failing classes, getting in scary, risky behavior, or just REALLY disrespectful/miserable to be around.

This is exactly how I feel.

Same. Really well said!!

I love and appreciate my teens very much, but increasingly it feels like I’m doing so from a few steps further back. As they become more independent (and effective in their own lives) there more distance to go along with our closeness, if that makes sense.

I no longer know them quite as well as I’d like to, and they’re in a phase where their interest in me is at times shockingly minimal. And yet. I love watching them grow and change and just plain live their lives. Their friends. Their sports. Their ideas. Their opinions. Their moods. When we do connect, it’s really enjoyable and fun!!! But more and more that happens on their schedule, not mine. Very different than when they were younger. Not bad, though. Just different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on what kind of person you are. If you need adoration and demand a person doing as you want, you'll love the baby-toddler years. This was my mom. She literally never got over that I grew up and became my own person. It's important to grow with your kid. All stages of childhood are different. I have teens now and I love it: I have more time to myself and I can actually see what I taught when they were little taking hold. Sure, they don't communicate all the time, but I personally dislike emotionally needy people (thanks mom) and it doesn't bother me. I back off and let them be. But when I meet women (or men, yes there are) who talk about their teens baby years more than a second, I get out as soon as I can.

My teens are very emotionally needy: they tell me everything, want my input on things...To me there is more neediness at that age than ever and it's more complicated, not just a hug after a fall.

I think that teens need a LOT emotionally. Most don't talk about it anywhere near enough but they are at a really vulnerable age with so much changing in their bodies and their lives. PP's kids will probably be better off since they are talking with her/him. Not because they are needier than other teens, but because a lot of whats hard for most teens and for us is that they don't talk about whats going on.

NP: This is what worries me most. My teens seem to be doing well and I like to think that DH and I are engaged and approachable. But there have been times with both teens when we’ve been floored to learn (late in the process) how much they hadn’t been sharing with us about their feelings/struggles.

We know it’s part of the process of emerging independence and separation. But it can be scary, too. I think they know we’re always here for them if they need us … but I’m not sure they’re always great at identifying that need until late in the process ….

[Anonymous]

15 years ago my preemie spent 2 months in the NICU, and was in and out of the hospital for the heart issue the first year. Also had lots of feeding problems. I thought the rest would be smooth sailing and nothing would be as hard as that first year. Then I had my sweet “easy” straight A student 15 yr old come to me and say he feels a deep sadness that won’t lift and he’s not sure he wants to be here anymore. So yeah, the teen years just topped the first year.