How do people handle 3+ kids without a nanny or family help?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have very flexible work from home jobs, 2 kids, and a nanny. To have a third, we would need family help, including someone who can drop everything and be at our house within an hour or two on the days we are sick or our nanny calls out at the last minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older two were almost 8 and 5 when my youngest was born. That was a huge help, especially having two in elementary school. They had a maturity level due to their age that made having three to be pretty easy. I think I would have had a much more difficult time if the older two were 4 and 2 when I had my third

I thought about this spacing as I want a third, but doesn’t the third baby become a drag on all the possible fun you could be having with a 8 and 5 year old? They can do so much and travel easily at that age, then all of a sudden we would have to cater to baby’s naps, sleep and schedule again and severely limit our ability to do stuff for 2+ years

[Anonymous]

I work PT (1 weekend day) but I’m sure most of my neighbors think I am a stay at home mom. My kids all have a 4- 5 year age gap. I couldn’t do it any other way. My body needed the time to recover. My neighbors work from home without childcare and they have 3 kids. I think they just have really quiet kids. Some families get lucky. My kids are all energy and into everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My older two were almost 8 and 5 when my youngest was born. That was a huge help, especially having two in elementary school. They had a maturity level due to their age that made having three to be pretty easy. I think I would have had a much more difficult time if the older two were 4 and 2 when I had my third

I thought about this spacing as I want a third, but doesn’t the third baby become a drag on all the possible fun you could be having with a 8 and 5 year old? They can do so much and travel easily at that age, then all of a sudden we would have to cater to baby’s naps, sleep and schedule again and severely limit our ability to do stuff for 2+ years

Yes this is what happened to me. My youngest had a late birthday but was 5 when the baby was born. Scheduling activities can be tricky but the older two are boys so I have them in the same activity. Soccer on Saturday and language school on Sunday.

[Anonymous]

OP, my mom had 3 kids in 4 years. I grew up in the 60-70s. Losta people had 5 kids, all close together. No luxuries like microwave oven in the kitchen. All meals homemade. Every kid took on responsibility at an early age. It was no big deal. And half the moms -- like mine -- had jobs. I have 3 kids (in 7 years ) and i raise them like I was raised. It is really nbd. Organization is the key. My mom set a great example on how to do it all.

[Anonymous]

Lights out at 7 or 8pm for the kids. Lights out 9 pm for adults. Adults need 8 hours-9 of sleep at night. Kids need 10-12 hours at night.

Be strict on the schedule. It works. This is what my mom (parent of 4) taught me. She was right. And I only have 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lights out at 7 or 8pm for the kids. Lights out 9 pm for adults. Adults need 8 hours-9 of sleep at night. Kids need 10-12 hours at night.

Be strict on the schedule. It works. This is what my mom (parent of 4) taught me. She was right. And I only have 3.

This is hilarious. Yes I’ll tell my two teens to head to bed at 7.

What works at 7 months doesn’t work at 14.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know a family of 5 that doesn’t have either paid or family help unless the kids are at the very young stage where the three kid lives revolve around the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My older two were almost 8 and 5 when my youngest was born. That was a huge help, especially having two in elementary school. They had a maturity level due to their age that made having three to be pretty easy. I think I would have had a much more difficult time if the older two were 4 and 2 when I had my third

I thought about this spacing as I want a third, but doesn’t the third baby become a drag on all the possible fun you could be having with a 8 and 5 year old? They can do so much and travel easily at that age, then all of a sudden we would have to cater to baby’s naps, sleep and schedule again and severely limit our ability to do stuff for 2+ years

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lights out at 7 or 8pm for the kids. Lights out 9 pm for adults. Adults need 8 hours-9 of sleep at night. Kids need 10-12 hours at night.

Be strict on the schedule. It works. This is what my mom (parent of 4) taught me. She was right. And I only have 3.

This is hilarious. Yes I’ll tell my two teens to head to bed at 7.

What works at 7 months doesn’t work at 14.

I mean you could do that. You are the parent.

[Anonymous]

I had three kids within 2 years (one set of twins). My husband and I have both worked full time throughout.

Our kids went to a wonderful daycare when they were little. SACC after school in elementary school and summer babysitters. Now they are teenagers and are great kids.

Key points that made it work:
1) Routine/schedule was key from infancy on.
2) My husband and I have both used more than half of our annual PTO over their lifetime on taking time off for sick kid or various appointments.
3) My husband is an equal partner in parenting. He doesn’t leave it all to me.

[Anonymous]

The families I know don’t do as much for their kids. Their kids wear worse clothing, go on fewer vacations, fewer activities, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lights out at 7 or 8pm for the kids. Lights out 9 pm for adults. Adults need 8 hours-9 of sleep at night. Kids need 10-12 hours at night.

Be strict on the schedule. It works. This is what my mom (parent of 4) taught me. She was right. And I only have 3.

I was one of 4 and have such distinct memories of being sent to bed at 7pm even in the summer (still fully daylight outside and no blackout curtains) until I was 12. They just didn't want to deal with kids anymore and were "strict on the schedule."

I did not sleep well (FULLY DAYLIGHT OUTSIDE) and did not have a happy childhood generally because my parents did a lot of stuff to make having 4 kids functional for them that were not really in my best interest. They did stuff in their best interest because they were overwhelmed and it was the only way to survive.

I am curious how old PP's kids are because this is not going to work well forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The families I know don’t do as much for their kids. Their kids wear worse clothing, go on fewer vacations, fewer activities, etc.

I have 3 and definitely is not the case for us. My kids get new clothes as needed (not excessive), we travel multiple times a year and spend the summer at our second house and each kid does at least one sport, church activity and Girl Scouts.

Dh and I both work full time and have no nanny or family help nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The older ones parent the younger ones, parents barely parent and are checked out, etc.

I don't think PP is talking about 10-12 kid families. Nobody's 5 year old is "parenting" their newborn sibling.