How do people handle 3+ kids without a nanny or family help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lights out at 7 or 8pm for the kids. Lights out 9 pm for adults. Adults need 8 hours-9 of sleep at night. Kids need 10-12 hours at night.

Be strict on the schedule. It works. This is what my mom (parent of 4) taught me. She was right. And I only have 3.

This is hilarious. Yes I’ll tell my two teens to head to bed at 7.

What works at 7 months doesn’t work at 14.

I mean you could do that. You are the parent.

You have no idea what you’re in for when your kids become teenagers.

[Anonymous]

My single parent mom managed with four of us. We basically grew up feral but we all somehow turned out ok.

[Anonymous]

You'll do fine. Friend's mother had 15 children. Girl I went to school with had 20 siblings. I am not kidding! You can handle 3. My parents had 6 children. You'll be fine. None of these mothers worked outside the home though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

You are right but the parents of littles don’t want to hear this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

I want to hear more! Is it because of college prep stress? Hormones?

I keep hearing it gets more difficult, but it’s hard for me to understand why. Your kid can do their own homework, make their own meals, do their own laundry, and after 16 drive themselves everywhere. Seems like the dream!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

I want to hear more! Is it because of college prep stress? Hormones?

I keep hearing it gets more difficult, but it’s hard for me to understand why. Your kid can do their own homework, make their own meals, do their own laundry, and after 16 drive themselves everywhere. Seems like the dream!

You don't have 3, 16 year olds all at once. You also likely won't have 5 cars all at once.

Hormones, activities, friend, medical and school obligations x3. Most likely you'll be visiting 2 or 3 schools at any given time. With 2 parents you are by far out numbered by the places you need to be at any given time. Activities don't align, schools don't align, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

I want to hear more! Is it because of college prep stress? Hormones?

I keep hearing it gets more difficult, but it’s hard for me to understand why. Your kid can do their own homework, make their own meals, do their own laundry, and after 16 drive themselves everywhere. Seems like the dream!

You highly overestimate the executive function of a teenager. It's more like you have 3 adults that can't even remember to turn of the lights in their room much less actually remember anything else AND they sass every time you ask or remind them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

I want to hear more! Is it because of college prep stress? Hormones?

I keep hearing it gets more difficult, but it’s hard for me to understand why. Your kid can do their own homework, make their own meals, do their own laundry, and after 16 drive themselves everywhere. Seems like the dream!

I have three teenagers now. My father always said that kids are a physical challenge when they are young, but switch to a mental challenge as they get older. I find that to be true. The sheer exhaustion of three toddlers goes away. The kids can do their own laundry, wake to alarms, be left home alone while you run errands, etc. But the issues become how to help one kid struggling with pre-algebra, another with anxiety issues worrying about college applications, another dealing with the heartbreak of their first romantic breakup, etc. The logistics of three kids with different interests participating in different activities is overwhelming too.

Overall they aren’t harder now than when they were little, but it is very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

I want to hear more! Is it because of college prep stress? Hormones?

I keep hearing it gets more difficult, but it’s hard for me to understand why. Your kid can do their own homework, make their own meals, do their own laundry, and after 16 drive themselves everywhere. Seems like the dream!

You don't have 3, 16 year olds all at once. You also likely won't have 5 cars all at once.

Hormones, activities, friend, medical and school obligations x3. Most likely you'll be visiting 2 or 3 schools at any given time. With 2 parents you are by far out numbered by the places you need to be at any given time. Activities don't align, schools don't align, etc.

Spacing of the kids makes a huge difference. I have 3 but only 2 were in HS at the same time. The third was elem/middle. It was totally manageable and honestly it was easier than the toddler years. They are girls and very independent and responsible. The older one could drive the younger one for several years. Yes, they struggled some time with school, relationships and activities but it never felt overwhelming. My oldest is 6 years older than the youngest. We didn’t plan it that way but I’m glad it worked out the way it did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

I want to hear more! Is it because of college prep stress? Hormones?

I keep hearing it gets more difficult, but it’s hard for me to understand why. Your kid can do their own homework, make their own meals, do their own laundry, and after 16 drive themselves everywhere. Seems like the dream!

You don't have 3, 16 year olds all at once. You also likely won't have 5 cars all at once.

Hormones, activities, friend, medical and school obligations x3. Most likely you'll be visiting 2 or 3 schools at any given time. With 2 parents you are by far out numbered by the places you need to be at any given time. Activities don't align, schools don't align, etc.

Spacing of the kids makes a huge difference. I have 3 but only 2 were in HS at the same time. The third was elem/middle. It was totally manageable and honestly it was easier than the toddler years. They are girls and very independent and responsible. The older one could drive the younger one for several years. Yes, they struggled some time with school, relationships and activities but it never felt overwhelming. My oldest is 6 years older than the youngest. We didn’t plan it that way but I’m glad it worked out the way it did.

Good for you on having girls...that's not what parenting a teenage boy is like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

You are right but the parents of littles don’t want to hear this.

I think people either want 3 kids or they don’t. The people I know with three kids high school age don’t wish they’d had fewer kids. They wanted more parenting consumed lives and that’s what they got.

I know one couple where one spouse says they perhaps should have stopped at two - but they had a third after twins, so all three of their kids are around the same age. Spacing does seem to be important in balancing your kids needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

I want to hear more! Is it because of college prep stress? Hormones?

I keep hearing it gets more difficult, but it’s hard for me to understand why. Your kid can do their own homework, make their own meals, do their own laundry, and after 16 drive themselves everywhere. Seems like the dream!

You don't have 3, 16 year olds all at once. You also likely won't have 5 cars all at once.

Hormones, activities, friend, medical and school obligations x3. Most likely you'll be visiting 2 or 3 schools at any given time. With 2 parents you are by far out numbered by the places you need to be at any given time. Activities don't align, schools don't align, etc.

Spacing of the kids makes a huge difference. I have 3 but only 2 were in HS at the same time. The third was elem/middle. It was totally manageable and honestly it was easier than the toddler years. They are girls and very independent and responsible. The older one could drive the younger one for several years. Yes, they struggled some time with school, relationships and activities but it never felt overwhelming. My oldest is 6 years older than the youngest. We didn’t plan it that way but I’m glad it worked out the way it did.

Good for you on having girls...that's not what parenting a teenage boy is like

Yup. I have both as teens and the experiences are completely different!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

You are right but the parents of littles don’t want to hear this.

I think people either want 3 kids or they don’t. The people I know with three kids high school age don’t wish they’d had fewer kids. They wanted more parenting consumed lives and that’s what they got.

I know one couple where one spouse says they perhaps should have stopped at two - but they had a third after twins, so all three of their kids are around the same age. Spacing does seem to be important in balancing your kids needs.

Agree on the first part but would argue don’t go in to it ruling out family or nanny help. And don’t assume that because you can handle it solo in the very early years, that will continue. It’s HARD and the way you are pulled in multiple directions with three no matter how much of a parenting-centered life you are desiring, you’ll find that help makes it sane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

I'd argue you don't know yet the strain of 3 until you get to high school ages.

I want to hear more! Is it because of college prep stress? Hormones?

I keep hearing it gets more difficult, but it’s hard for me to understand why. Your kid can do their own homework, make their own meals, do their own laundry, and after 16 drive themselves everywhere. Seems like the dream!

You don't have 3, 16 year olds all at once. You also likely won't have 5 cars all at once.

Hormones, activities, friend, medical and school obligations x3. Most likely you'll be visiting 2 or 3 schools at any given time. With 2 parents you are by far out numbered by the places you need to be at any given time. Activities don't align, schools don't align, etc.

Spacing of the kids makes a huge difference. I have 3 but only 2 were in HS at the same time. The third was elem/middle. It was totally manageable and honestly it was easier than the toddler years. They are girls and very independent and responsible. The older one could drive the younger one for several years. Yes, they struggled some time with school, relationships and activities but it never felt overwhelming. My oldest is 6 years older than the youngest. We didn’t plan it that way but I’m glad it worked out the way it did.

Good for you on having girls...that's not what parenting a teenage boy is like

+1. I was pretty responsible and independent in high school, so parenting a teen boy has been a shock.