How do people handle 3+ kids without a nanny or family help?

[Anonymous]

Because we are six months into two and just don’t see how three is even remotely possible.

[Anonymous]

I am like you, but I know people with three kids. I think they are just wired differently. The day to day chaos of kids really wears on me. Some people are less bothered by it. Some people enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Everybody expects Mom to do it all.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure 6 months in is enough time to know whether you’d be able to handle a third.
We have 3 in 4.5 years. Two working parents no nanny or family help. We thrive in chaos and even thought of a fourth. Kids are in elementary now and it’s even more chaotic with three schedules for sports etc. DH and I are both from families of 4 — so I’m sure that plays into this.

[Anonymous]

Try 4! Those moms are just built differently. I’m sure it’s hard, but IME they lean on others for ride a lot when the kids get older. There’s only so much one person can do.

[Anonymous]

They mostly don’t. People either have one parent SAH or at minimum have a very family-friendly, flexible part time job, or they hire help or they have family help of some kind. I genuinely cannot think of a single family that doesn’t fall into one of those camps.

2+ kids in daycare/school automatically equals constant logistical challenges. Sick days, school breaks/daycare holidays, normal well-child checkups, esp when they are little enough to need them every few months all of that is just for if everything is going smoothly. If your kid has even slight SN or easily manageable health issues like food allergies, that automatically means more time off during the work day to meet their needs via appointments and paperwork and last-minute school issues.

The problem is that traditional 9-5 jobs require consistency and each kid is a constant source of variation from the schedule. The more wild cards you have, the less consistency you can provide an employer. There has to be a safety valve somewhere. If that’s not the local aunt who works 3 days a week as a nurse but is happy to babysit on her days off, or the local grandpa who is always up for hanging out with the kids on a snow day, then it needs to be paid help and if your job prospects don’t support paid help then somebody sacrifices the 9-5 lifestyle to be the chaos manager.

[Anonymous]

I had 2 kids two years apart and those early years were just survival mode. I had a third five years later and it was much easier since the older 2 were in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am like you, but I know people with three kids. I think they are just wired differently. The day to day chaos of kids really wears on me. Some people are less bothered by it. Some people enjoy it.

+1 They have a higher tolerance for chaos and roll with the punches. They also are extremely disciplined and keep things on a tight organized schedule or they are.very relaxed and have a lower standard for things.

[Anonymous]

The older ones parent the younger ones, parents barely parent and are checked out, etc.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much everyone I know with 3 or more has either:

(1) SAHP parent or parent who works very PT around the kids’ needs, sometimes goes back to work FT when kids are older
(2) FT nanny + other paid help
(3) regular extended family help- enough to fill daycare/school gaps & more

I don’t know a lot of 9-5 dual income couples with 3 or more kids who juggle 3 young ones in daycare/elementary and don’t have other help.

Interestingly, the ones I know who do it all themselves & juggle it all/seem to have less stress have a large age gap. Usually the first two are closer in age and then a third one much later. We know several families like this for some reason!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They mostly don’t. People either have one parent SAH or at minimum have a very family-friendly, flexible part time job, or they hire help or they have family help of some kind. I genuinely cannot think of a single family that doesn’t fall into one of those camps.

2+ kids in daycare/school automatically equals constant logistical challenges. Sick days, school breaks/daycare holidays, normal well-child checkups, esp when they are little enough to need them every few months all of that is just for if everything is going smoothly. If your kid has even slight SN or easily manageable health issues like food allergies, that automatically means more time off during the work day to meet their needs via appointments and paperwork and last-minute school issues.

The problem is that traditional 9-5 jobs require consistency and each kid is a constant source of variation from the schedule. The more wild cards you have, the less consistency you can provide an employer. There has to be a safety valve somewhere. If that’s not the local aunt who works 3 days a week as a nurse but is happy to babysit on her days off, or the local grandpa who is always up for hanging out with the kids on a snow day, then it needs to be paid help and if your job prospects don’t support paid help then somebody sacrifices the 9-5 lifestyle to be the chaos manager.

+1

I agree with all of this.

[Anonymous]

Some people are very organized and can handle some level of chaos.

[Anonymous]

We only have two and had a nanny until each kid turned 3. And now have extremely helpful grandparents for days off and activity shuttling. I couldn't imagine doing it without all that. Both parents WOH and dont even travel much or work more than 40 hrs routinely.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 ages 5, 2, and 6mo.

We both work full time and have no nanny or local family help. We have systems and that keeps the train moving.
1). Meal plan for the week and groceries on Sunday.
2). Laundry every day so it doesn’t pile up
3) large visible shared calendar for important work meetings (no days for a parent), kids appointments, etc.
4). I get up at 5am every day to get a jump start on getting things moving.

It’s a lot, but I wouldn’t have it any other way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 ages 5, 2, and 6mo.

We both work full time and have no nanny or local family help. We have systems and that keeps the train moving.
1). Meal plan for the week and groceries on Sunday.
2). Laundry every day so it doesn’t pile up
3) large visible shared calendar for important work meetings (no days for a parent), kids appointments, etc.
4). I get up at 5am every day to get a jump start on getting things moving.

It’s a lot, but I wouldn’t have it any other way

Come back at me when they are 12, 9 and 8