How do people handle 3+ kids without a nanny or family help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 ages 5, 2, and 6mo.

We both work full time and have no nanny or local family help. We have systems and that keeps the train moving.
1). Meal plan for the week and groceries on Sunday.
2). Laundry every day so it doesn’t pile up
3) large visible shared calendar for important work meetings (no days for a parent), kids appointments, etc.
4). I get up at 5am every day to get a jump start on getting things moving.

It’s a lot, but I wouldn’t have it any other way

Come back at me when they are 12, 9 and 8

DP, but why? You think she’s going to regret a kid?

Obviously she is the type of parent who can get up regularly at 5 am and has systems for keeping the house running. There’s no reason to think she won’t adapt as the kids get older.

DP. I don't think the PP was suggesting that the first poster will regret having three kids. It's more an issue of the age of the kids and the element of certainty about how the "systems" keep things running smoothly. I had three kids in two years, little family help, and both parents worked. To be, the years before school started were a breeze compared to the elementary school and early middle school years. When your kids are younger and in daycare, it's so much easier to maintain the structure and routine to keep things running as smoothly as possible. Yes, there are challenges when the kids are sick, and it's a constant slog to get everything done, but overall, the year-round nature of daycare made things easier. In contrast, the school year adds a host of demands, from the school calendar, days off, the need for camps or other accommodations during breaks and the summer, etc. that make everything so much harder. If you add on any other issues, like a kid with ADHD or another health issue, your life without help is a precarious house of cards that could come tumbling down at any minute, or at least, that was my experience. I am guessing that's what the PP meant.

+100

I only have two in ES and comparatively daycare years were a breeze in terms of logistics.

Schools, have so many random days off. Not to mention mid-day expo type things that parents don't have to come to, but if you don't your kid will be depressed in the corned while all the other parents show up...

Throw a minor kid health issue and things are 100x more stressful and the amount of coordination needed has grown exponentially.

It's been these past years that I've realized that the American school system is really still setup with for families that have a stay at home parent (or a full-time nanny).

I think this is where your experience is going to totally vary depending on the type of job you have. We have 2 fully remote, flexible jobs where we set our own hours (around some scheduled meetings). Popping out for a mid day school event or taking a kid to soccer practice isn’t a stressor like it would be if we had commutes and in-person jobs with set hours.

So I feel like we get all the benefits of older more independent kids, and the logistics are manageable. Things have gotten much easier for us.

If you heavily relied on daycare stability early on then yes I can imagine school aged kids bring a lot of new stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 ages 5, 2, and 6mo.

We both work full time and have no nanny or local family help. We have systems and that keeps the train moving.
1). Meal plan for the week and groceries on Sunday.
2). Laundry every day so it doesn’t pile up
3) large visible shared calendar for important work meetings (no days for a parent), kids appointments, etc.
4). I get up at 5am every day to get a jump start on getting things moving.

It’s a lot, but I wouldn’t have it any other way

Come back at me when they are 12, 9 and 8

DP, but why? You think she’s going to regret a kid?

Obviously she is the type of parent who can get up regularly at 5 am and has systems for keeping the house running. There’s no reason to think she won’t adapt as the kids get older.

DP. I don't think the PP was suggesting that the first poster will regret having three kids. It's more an issue of the age of the kids and the element of certainty about how the "systems" keep things running smoothly. I had three kids in two years, little family help, and both parents worked. To be, the years before school started were a breeze compared to the elementary school and early middle school years. When your kids are younger and in daycare, it's so much easier to maintain the structure and routine to keep things running as smoothly as possible. Yes, there are challenges when the kids are sick, and it's a constant slog to get everything done, but overall, the year-round nature of daycare made things easier. In contrast, the school year adds a host of demands, from the school calendar, days off, the need for camps or other accommodations during breaks and the summer, etc. that make everything so much harder. If you add on any other issues, like a kid with ADHD or another health issue, your life without help is a precarious house of cards that could come tumbling down at any minute, or at least, that was my experience. I am guessing that's what the PP meant.

It’s interesting how we can all have such different takes on things (I mean this sincerely, not snarkily). I have 3 (2 in elementary and 1 in pre k, oldest is off to MS in a year). I think this is *so* much easier than managing baby/toddlers.

2/3 of my kids are actually old enough to be helpful (like can get themselves dressed, make their own snacks, make beds, etc.) and my job is totally remote and flexible enough that I can pop out to run a kid to an after school drop off activity and come back to work so we don’t even use aftercare. If a kid gets sick I can set them up with a movie and keep working. Also they don’t seem to get sick as often. And one does have ADHD but he’s finally old enough to have some introspection about it and receive treatment. If they get up early on the weekends they can entertain themselves and I don’t have to make coffee at 6 am and groggily play toy kitchen.

When they were really little they were just physically tiring, sick all the time, could not be reasoned with, and required constant monitoring.

I would 100% rather deal with coordinating carpools and camp registration and sports practices than go back to the daycare years (which were also crazy $$$).

I was the PP, and I'd say that your remote flexible job makes a massive difference, along with your kids' age range. I had three close in age, and neither DH nor I had the ability to work from home. I'm so happy that remote work is more readily available now to make parenting easier. It would have made such a huge difference for me in terms of dealing with the kids' illnesses, taking them to appointments, dropoffs, etc. I'm not sure if your kid with ADHD takes meds, but quarterly appointments year after year take their toll. And you haven't even gotten to the thick of the orthodontist years. With remote work, that short doctor's appointment means missing much less work than when a commute is factored in. I now work remotely several days a week, and my quality of life has improved tremendously.

It also sounds like you don't have all three in regular school yet, but when the time comes that there are endless mid-day events at school, delayed starts, or snow days (do they still have them?) again, remote work makes all the difference. Some people don't have that option. To give you an example that shapes my perspective, when my kids were young, they started elementary school at 9:25 a.m., which is, you know, a really great start time for working parents. During those years, it seemed like there were delayed starts due to winter weather multiple times a week from December through February. That meant that school started at 11:25 a.m., on top of the many days off (winter break, end of marking period break, teacher work days and conferences plus snow days etc.) To make it worse, January through March and the summer were the most demanding times of year for me at work. Managing the unexpected delays and days off on top of the routine illnesses, medical appointments, and school days off/events was incredibly stressful for two parents with non-remote jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 ages 5, 2, and 6mo.

We both work full time and have no nanny or local family help. We have systems and that keeps the train moving.
1). Meal plan for the week and groceries on Sunday.
2). Laundry every day so it doesn’t pile up
3) large visible shared calendar for important work meetings (no days for a parent), kids appointments, etc.
4). I get up at 5am every day to get a jump start on getting things moving.

It’s a lot, but I wouldn’t have it any other way

Come back at me when they are 12, 9 and 8

DP, but why? You think she’s going to regret a kid?

Obviously she is the type of parent who can get up regularly at 5 am and has systems for keeping the house running. There’s no reason to think she won’t adapt as the kids get older.

Not PP but don’t be dim. At those ages she’s had all three in daycare, probably the same one. Now she’ll have on in K and two at the same daycare, which will be harder but still doable. In 7 years she’ll have three kids at at least two schools (unless they go private) plus probably three different sports going on. I only have two and they’re twins and do the same sport and it can be a lot juggling our two jobs plus their stuff without help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk. I have 3 and having a nanny makes it very manageable. Not looking forward to coordinating camps and aftercare and all that once the kids are older

Keep the nanny if she’s willing to transition more into a house manager type role once all the kids are in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try 4! Those moms are just built differently. I’m sure it’s hard, but IME they lean on others for ride a lot when the kids get older. There’s only so much one person can do.

Mom of 3 here. My experience is that families of 4 or more are wired differently. Either they let a lot of small things slide and are really chill, or they are very regimented from the get-go and really good at training their kids to be helpful and listen well and by the time kids are ~5 they are just easier. Or both.

Also studies show 3 is the most stressful because parents of 3 still try to act like parents of 1 or 2. By 4+ they do a lot less. Plus the kids start moving as a pack, so it's in a tiny way more like when humans were hunter-gatherers and the tribe relied on kids to just handle themselves.

Mom of 5. I always wonder whether it’s the chill and/or organized parents who have a lot of kids because they can or that having a lot of kids forces you to become chill and/or organized. Probably both. I’ve definitely leveled up over the years! (One baby was by far the hardest part for me.)

[Anonymous]

Going from 1 to2 was harder than going from 2 to 3.

When my 2nd was born, my oldest was 2 and it was like having two babies. I clearly remember potty training and thinking, I don’t have enough hands for this! I actually don’t remember a lot of that year.

When my 3rd was born, my eldest was 5 and sooooooo much more independent. It was so helpful for me to have someone who could run and get a diaper for me. Just little things like that. My middle child had a playmate in her older brother. Going from 2 to 3 was a breeze. And it helped that my 3rd was the best sleeper of all the kids.

And then it gets hard again when they are all in activities and need to be driven. It’s rare that kids need to be in 3 places at once but it does happen. It’s important in our family that the shared calendar is updated so we know ahead of time when we need to be in 3 places at once.

[Anonymous]

Don't have more children than you can handle. Two is great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going from 1 to2 was harder than going from 2 to 3.

When my 2nd was born, my oldest was 2 and it was like having two babies. I clearly remember potty training and thinking, I don’t have enough hands for this! I actually don’t remember a lot of that year.

When my 3rd was born, my eldest was 5 and sooooooo much more independent. It was so helpful for me to have someone who could run and get a diaper for me. Just little things like that. My middle child had a playmate in her older brother. Going from 2 to 3 was a breeze. And it helped that my 3rd was the best sleeper of all the kids.

And then it gets hard again when they are all in activities and need to be driven. It’s rare that kids need to be in 3 places at once but it does happen. It’s important in our family that the shared calendar is updated so we know ahead of time when we need to be in 3 places at once.

I don't remember a lot from any year I had an infant. None of my 3 kids slept terribly well despite all my best efforts - the youngest took 19 months to really sleep. Any of that time is truly hazy for me. I think that's normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try 4! Those moms are just built differently. I’m sure it’s hard, but IME they lean on others for ride a lot when the kids get older. There’s only so much one person can do.

Mom of 3 here. My experience is that families of 4 or more are wired differently. Either they let a lot of small things slide and are really chill, or they are very regimented from the get-go and really good at training their kids to be helpful and listen well and by the time kids are ~5 they are just easier. Or both.

Also studies show 3 is the most stressful because parents of 3 still try to act like parents of 1 or 2. By 4+ they do a lot less. Plus the kids start moving as a pack, so it's in a tiny way more like when humans were hunter-gatherers and the tribe relied on kids to just handle themselves.

Mom of 5. I always wonder whether it’s the chill and/or organized parents who have a lot of kids because they can or that having a lot of kids forces you to become chill and/or organized. Probably both. I’ve definitely leveled up over the years! (One baby was by far the hardest part for me.)

No, they dump the kids on others calling it play dates or carpools when they don’t do their share. The rest of us agree as we feel sorry for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 ages 5, 2, and 6mo.

We both work full time and have no nanny or local family help. We have systems and that keeps the train moving.
1). Meal plan for the week and groceries on Sunday.
2). Laundry every day so it doesn’t pile up
3) large visible shared calendar for important work meetings (no days for a parent), kids appointments, etc.
4). I get up at 5am every day to get a jump start on getting things moving.

It’s a lot, but I wouldn’t have it any other way

Come back at me when they are 12, 9 and 8

DP, but why? You think she’s going to regret a kid?

Obviously she is the type of parent who can get up regularly at 5 am and has systems for keeping the house running. There’s no reason to think she won’t adapt as the kids get older.

DP. I don't think the PP was suggesting that the first poster will regret having three kids. It's more an issue of the age of the kids and the element of certainty about how the "systems" keep things running smoothly. I had three kids in two years, little family help, and both parents worked. To be, the years before school started were a breeze compared to the elementary school and early middle school years. When your kids are younger and in daycare, it's so much easier to maintain the structure and routine to keep things running as smoothly as possible. Yes, there are challenges when the kids are sick, and it's a constant slog to get everything done, but overall, the year-round nature of daycare made things easier. In contrast, the school year adds a host of demands, from the school calendar, days off, the need for camps or other accommodations during breaks and the summer, etc. that make everything so much harder. If you add on any other issues, like a kid with ADHD or another health issue, your life without help is a precarious house of cards that could come tumbling down at any minute, or at least, that was my experience. I am guessing that's what the PP meant.

It’s interesting how we can all have such different takes on things (I mean this sincerely, not snarkily). I have 3 (2 in elementary and 1 in pre k, oldest is off to MS in a year). I think this is *so* much easier than managing baby/toddlers.

2/3 of my kids are actually old enough to be helpful (like can get themselves dressed, make their own snacks, make beds, etc.) and my job is totally remote and flexible enough that I can pop out to run a kid to an after school drop off activity and come back to work so we don’t even use aftercare. If a kid gets sick I can set them up with a movie and keep working. Also they don’t seem to get sick as often. And one does have ADHD but he’s finally old enough to have some introspection about it and receive treatment. If they get up early on the weekends they can entertain themselves and I don’t have to make coffee at 6 am and groggily play toy kitchen.

When they were really little they were just physically tiring, sick all the time, could not be reasoned with, and required constant monitoring.

I would 100% rather deal with coordinating carpools and camp registration and sports practices than go back to the daycare years (which were also crazy $$$).

I was the PP, and I'd say that your remote flexible job makes a massive difference, along with your kids' age range. I had three close in age, and neither DH nor I had the ability to work from home. I'm so happy that remote work is more readily available now to make parenting easier. It would have made such a huge difference for me in terms of dealing with the kids' illnesses, taking them to appointments, dropoffs, etc. I'm not sure if your kid with ADHD takes meds, but quarterly appointments year after year take their toll. And you haven't even gotten to the thick of the orthodontist years. With remote work, that short doctor's appointment means missing much less work than when a commute is factored in. I now work remotely several days a week, and my quality of life has improved tremendously.

It also sounds like you don't have all three in regular school yet, but when the time comes that there are endless mid-day events at school, delayed starts, or snow days (do they still have them?) again, remote work makes all the difference. Some people don't have that option. To give you an example that shapes my perspective, when my kids were young, they started elementary school at 9:25 a.m., which is, you know, a really great start time for working parents. During those years, it seemed like there were delayed starts due to winter weather multiple times a week from December through February. That meant that school started at 11:25 a.m., on top of the many days off (winter break, end of marking period break, teacher work days and conferences plus snow days etc.) To make it worse, January through March and the summer were the most demanding times of year for me at work. Managing the unexpected delays and days off on top of the routine illnesses, medical appointments, and school days off/events was incredibly stressful for two parents with non-remote jobs.

We just had our first orthodontist consult and are about to start with a palate expander so I am definitely bracing myself for all those visits. :/ Luckily ours does some early morning and late afternoon appointments so I’m hoping that helps.

I also think telehealth has helped a lot with cutting down on missing school/work. My ADHD kid is on a non-stimulant and so some his routine checking can be virtual. I think remote work, telehealth, online shopping, and expanded hours have really helped parents in recent years.

My kids can’t believe it when I tell them stories about having to get schlepped around in the backseat all over town as my mom ran basic errands and shopped for things that can now all be done online. I remember having to go to multiple stores if one was out of something we needed. Almost nothing was open early or late. I don’t know how parents did it back then!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 ages 5, 2, and 6mo.

We both work full time and have no nanny or local family help. We have systems and that keeps the train moving.
1). Meal plan for the week and groceries on Sunday.
2). Laundry every day so it doesn’t pile up
3) large visible shared calendar for important work meetings (no days for a parent), kids appointments, etc.
4). I get up at 5am every day to get a jump start on getting things moving.

It’s a lot, but I wouldn’t have it any other way

Come back at me when they are 12, 9 and 8

DP, but why? You think she’s going to regret a kid?

Obviously she is the type of parent who can get up regularly at 5 am and has systems for keeping the house running. There’s no reason to think she won’t adapt as the kids get older.

DP. I don't think the PP was suggesting that the first poster will regret having three kids. It's more an issue of the age of the kids and the element of certainty about how the "systems" keep things running smoothly. I had three kids in two years, little family help, and both parents worked. To be, the years before school started were a breeze compared to the elementary school and early middle school years. When your kids are younger and in daycare, it's so much easier to maintain the structure and routine to keep things running as smoothly as possible. Yes, there are challenges when the kids are sick, and it's a constant slog to get everything done, but overall, the year-round nature of daycare made things easier. In contrast, the school year adds a host of demands, from the school calendar, days off, the need for camps or other accommodations during breaks and the summer, etc. that make everything so much harder. If you add on any other issues, like a kid with ADHD or another health issue, your life without help is a precarious house of cards that could come tumbling down at any minute, or at least, that was my experience. I am guessing that's what the PP meant.

It’s interesting how we can all have such different takes on things (I mean this sincerely, not snarkily). I have 3 (2 in elementary and 1 in pre k, oldest is off to MS in a year). I think this is *so* much easier than managing baby/toddlers.

2/3 of my kids are actually old enough to be helpful (like can get themselves dressed, make their own snacks, make beds, etc.) and my job is totally remote and flexible enough that I can pop out to run a kid to an after school drop off activity and come back to work so we don’t even use aftercare. If a kid gets sick I can set them up with a movie and keep working. Also they don’t seem to get sick as often. And one does have ADHD but he’s finally old enough to have some introspection about it and receive treatment. If they get up early on the weekends they can entertain themselves and I don’t have to make coffee at 6 am and groggily play toy kitchen.

When they were really little they were just physically tiring, sick all the time, could not be reasoned with, and required constant monitoring.

I would 100% rather deal with coordinating carpools and camp registration and sports practices than go back to the daycare years (which were also crazy $$$).

I was the PP, and I'd say that your remote flexible job makes a massive difference, along with your kids' age range. I had three close in age, and neither DH nor I had the ability to work from home. I'm so happy that remote work is more readily available now to make parenting easier. It would have made such a huge difference for me in terms of dealing with the kids' illnesses, taking them to appointments, dropoffs, etc. I'm not sure if your kid with ADHD takes meds, but quarterly appointments year after year take their toll. And you haven't even gotten to the thick of the orthodontist years. With remote work, that short doctor's appointment means missing much less work than when a commute is factored in. I now work remotely several days a week, and my quality of life has improved tremendously.

It also sounds like you don't have all three in regular school yet, but when the time comes that there are endless mid-day events at school, delayed starts, or snow days (do they still have them?) again, remote work makes all the difference. Some people don't have that option. To give you an example that shapes my perspective, when my kids were young, they started elementary school at 9:25 a.m., which is, you know, a really great start time for working parents. During those years, it seemed like there were delayed starts due to winter weather multiple times a week from December through February. That meant that school started at 11:25 a.m., on top of the many days off (winter break, end of marking period break, teacher work days and conferences plus snow days etc.) To make it worse, January through March and the summer were the most demanding times of year for me at work. Managing the unexpected delays and days off on top of the routine illnesses, medical appointments, and school days off/events was incredibly stressful for two parents with non-remote jobs.

We just had our first orthodontist consult and are about to start with a palate expander so I am definitely bracing myself for all those visits. :/ Luckily ours does some early morning and late afternoon appointments so I’m hoping that helps.

I also think telehealth has helped a lot with cutting down on missing school/work. My ADHD kid is on a non-stimulant and so some his routine checking can be virtual. I think remote work, telehealth, online shopping, and expanded hours have really helped parents in recent years.

My kids can’t believe it when I tell them stories about having to get schlepped around in the backseat all over town as my mom ran basic errands and shopped for things that can now all be done online. I remember having to go to multiple stores if one was out of something we needed. Almost nothing was open early or late. I don’t know how parents did it back then!

Yes to telehealth. That's another family-friendly development that has made life easier that wasn't widely available when my kids were young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try 4! Those moms are just built differently. I’m sure it’s hard, but IME they lean on others for ride a lot when the kids get older. There’s only so much one person can do.

Mom of 3 here. My experience is that families of 4 or more are wired differently. Either they let a lot of small things slide and are really chill, or they are very regimented from the get-go and really good at training their kids to be helpful and listen well and by the time kids are ~5 they are just easier. Or both.

Also studies show 3 is the most stressful because parents of 3 still try to act like parents of 1 or 2. By 4+ they do a lot less. Plus the kids start moving as a pack, so it's in a tiny way more like when humans were hunter-gatherers and the tribe relied on kids to just handle themselves.

Mom of 5. I always wonder whether it’s the chill and/or organized parents who have a lot of kids because they can or that having a lot of kids forces you to become chill and/or organized. Probably both. I’ve definitely leveled up over the years! (One baby was by far the hardest part for me.)

No, they dump the kids on others calling it play dates or carpools when they don’t do their share. The rest of us agree as we feel sorry for the kids.

Second quoted PP. My friends with 4+ aren't like that at all. Most recently a friend with 4 bailed me out when my babysitter didn't show this summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 ages 5, 2, and 6mo.

We both work full time and have no nanny or local family help. We have systems and that keeps the train moving.
1). Meal plan for the week and groceries on Sunday.
2). Laundry every day so it doesn’t pile up
3) large visible shared calendar for important work meetings (no days for a parent), kids appointments, etc.
4). I get up at 5am every day to get a jump start on getting things moving.

It’s a lot, but I wouldn’t have it any other way

Come back at me when they are 12, 9 and 8

Why? At that age they are more independent. They will likely have activities but that can be managed by not having them in everything going. Pp of 3 young ones seems quite organized and might manage just fine.

That person clearly has no kids that age.

My kids 8-14 were super easy. 14-17 was difficult only because they could not drive and I was picking them up at midnight on weekends and that's NOT my golden hour.

My older 2 kids are now in college youngest in HS. Yes, the middle school/non driving age was challenging and sucked but it’s not impossible. You arrange carpools and just suck it up for a few years. Sometimes it’s a logistical puzzle and a kid may have to wait a bit for a ride but in the end everyone gets where they need to be. DH traveled a lot during these years and we somehow managed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 ages 5, 2, and 6mo.

We both work full time and have no nanny or local family help. We have systems and that keeps the train moving.
1). Meal plan for the week and groceries on Sunday.
2). Laundry every day so it doesn’t pile up
3) large visible shared calendar for important work meetings (no days for a parent), kids appointments, etc.
4). I get up at 5am every day to get a jump start on getting things moving.

It’s a lot, but I wouldn’t have it any other way

Come back at me when they are 12, 9 and 8

DP, but why? You think she’s going to regret a kid?

Obviously she is the type of parent who can get up regularly at 5 am and has systems for keeping the house running. There’s no reason to think she won’t adapt as the kids get older.

DP. I don't think the PP was suggesting that the first poster will regret having three kids. It's more an issue of the age of the kids and the element of certainty about how the "systems" keep things running smoothly. I had three kids in two years, little family help, and both parents worked. To be, the years before school started were a breeze compared to the elementary school and early middle school years. When your kids are younger and in daycare, it's so much easier to maintain the structure and routine to keep things running as smoothly as possible. Yes, there are challenges when the kids are sick, and it's a constant slog to get everything done, but overall, the year-round nature of daycare made things easier. In contrast, the school year adds a host of demands, from the school calendar, days off, the need for camps or other accommodations during breaks and the summer, etc. that make everything so much harder. If you add on any other issues, like a kid with ADHD or another health issue, your life without help is a precarious house of cards that could come tumbling down at any minute, or at least, that was my experience. I am guessing that's what the PP meant.

It’s interesting how we can all have such different takes on things (I mean this sincerely, not snarkily). I have 3 (2 in elementary and 1 in pre k, oldest is off to MS in a year). I think this is *so* much easier than managing baby/toddlers.

2/3 of my kids are actually old enough to be helpful (like can get themselves dressed, make their own snacks, make beds, etc.) and my job is totally remote and flexible enough that I can pop out to run a kid to an after school drop off activity and come back to work so we don’t even use aftercare. If a kid gets sick I can set them up with a movie and keep working. Also they don’t seem to get sick as often. And one does have ADHD but he’s finally old enough to have some introspection about it and receive treatment. If they get up early on the weekends they can entertain themselves and I don’t have to make coffee at 6 am and groggily play toy kitchen.

When they were really little they were just physically tiring, sick all the time, could not be reasoned with, and required constant monitoring.

I would 100% rather deal with coordinating carpools and camp registration and sports practices than go back to the daycare years (which were also crazy $$$).

I was the PP, and I'd say that your remote flexible job makes a massive difference, along with your kids' age range. I had three close in age, and neither DH nor I had the ability to work from home. I'm so happy that remote work is more readily available now to make parenting easier. It would have made such a huge difference for me in terms of dealing with the kids' illnesses, taking them to appointments, dropoffs, etc. I'm not sure if your kid with ADHD takes meds, but quarterly appointments year after year take their toll. And you haven't even gotten to the thick of the orthodontist years. With remote work, that short doctor's appointment means missing much less work than when a commute is factored in. I now work remotely several days a week, and my quality of life has improved tremendously.

It also sounds like you don't have all three in regular school yet, but when the time comes that there are endless mid-day events at school, delayed starts, or snow days (do they still have them?) again, remote work makes all the difference. Some people don't have that option. To give you an example that shapes my perspective, when my kids were young, they started elementary school at 9:25 a.m., which is, you know, a really great start time for working parents. During those years, it seemed like there were delayed starts due to winter weather multiple times a week from December through February. That meant that school started at 11:25 a.m., on top of the many days off (winter break, end of marking period break, teacher work days and conferences plus snow days etc.) To make it worse, January through March and the summer were the most demanding times of year for me at work. Managing the unexpected delays and days off on top of the routine illnesses, medical appointments, and school days off/events was incredibly stressful for two parents with non-remote jobs.

We just had our first orthodontist consult and are about to start with a palate expander so I am definitely bracing myself for all those visits. :/ Luckily ours does some early morning and late afternoon appointments so I’m hoping that helps.

I also think telehealth has helped a lot with cutting down on missing school/work. My ADHD kid is on a non-stimulant and so some his routine checking can be virtual. I think remote work, telehealth, online shopping, and expanded hours have really helped parents in recent years.

My kids can’t believe it when I tell them stories about having to get schlepped around in the backseat all over town as my mom ran basic errands and shopped for things that can now all be done online. I remember having to go to multiple stores if one was out of something we needed. Almost nothing was open early or late. I don’t know how parents did it back then!

Yes to telehealth. That's another family-friendly development that has made life easier that wasn't widely available when my kids were young.

Telehealth is AMAZING. I have 3, and one had an ear infection. I was able to get an antibiotic over the phone while waiting for the other two at their sports. I think telehealth was long overdue. Children go through a number of non-fatal illnesses that require prescriptions but not in-person doctor visits.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try 4! Those moms are just built differently. I’m sure it’s hard, but IME they lean on others for ride a lot when the kids get older. There’s only so much one person can do.

Mom of 3 here. My experience is that families of 4 or more are wired differently. Either they let a lot of small things slide and are really chill, or they are very regimented from the get-go and really good at training their kids to be helpful and listen well and by the time kids are ~5 they are just easier. Or both.

Also studies show 3 is the most stressful because parents of 3 still try to act like parents of 1 or 2. By 4+ they do a lot less. Plus the kids start moving as a pack, so it's in a tiny way more like when humans were hunter-gatherers and the tribe relied on kids to just handle themselves.

Mom of 5. I always wonder whether it’s the chill and/or organized parents who have a lot of kids because they can or that having a lot of kids forces you to become chill and/or organized. Probably both. I’ve definitely leveled up over the years! (One baby was by far the hardest part for me.)

No, they dump the kids on others calling it play dates or carpools when they don’t do their share. The rest of us agree as we feel sorry for the kids.

I host more playdates than my kids go on and come out about even on rides — my older kids tend to get more rides and I drive more younger kids, but I think that’s because the big ones happen to have friends who are the youngest and the little ones happen to be friends with oldests. YMMV (literally).