DDs best friend is expensive!

[Anonymous]

The Rules:

1. You invite, you pay.
2. You do not invite, then demand money of the other parent. So incredibly tacky I find it hard to believe someone would actually do this but apparently one poster did.
3. You do not invite then expect reciprocation based on what you think is the right frequency, or amount of money spent. You have no idea of the financial situation of the other child’s parents.
4. Do not expect a child you’ve paid for — even if for years — to remain friends with your child.it’s a social interaction, not indentured servitude. That child is not obligated to you in any way.
5. Do not pay if it will make you resentful.

[Anonymous]

Maybe boys are easier. There are often times when my son and their friends decide they will see a movie...one of the kids may say their parents aren't floating them the $$$s.

The others say...maybe next time...go the movie and then meet up with the other kid after to play basketball or something.

No hard feelings from anyone...no guilt why the kid isn't coming...the kid who declined seems unphased and meets up for basketball after.

Parents rarely involved at all.

[Anonymous]

If I invite a kid, I pay. Period. If I didn’t want to pay for an extra kid, I wouldn’t take them out to eat or on outings. Instead- I’d fix dinner/snacks etc at home and they can hang out here.

However: Starting around this age, they begin making their own plans (and just confirming with parent that it is ok, asking for a ride) but sounds like yours isn’t doing that quite yet. So if they want to go roller skating for example - they all get dropped off or carpool and bring their own $. Parents not involved and the kids work out details among themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe boys are easier. There are often times when my son and their friends decide they will see a movie...one of the kids may say their parents aren't floating them the $$$s.

The others say...maybe next time...go the movie and then meet up with the other kid after to play basketball or something.

No hard feelings from anyone...no guilt why the kid isn't coming...the kid who declined seems unphased and meets up for basketball after.

Parents rarely involved at all.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Rules:

1. You invite, you pay.
2. You do not invite, then demand money of the other parent. So incredibly tacky I find it hard to believe someone would actually do this but apparently one poster did.
3. You do not invite then expect reciprocation based on what you think is the right frequency, or amount of money spent. You have no idea of the financial situation of the other child’s parents.
4. Do not expect a child you’ve paid for — even if for years — to remain friends with your child.it’s a social interaction, not indentured servitude. That child is not obligated to you in any way.
5. Do not pay if it will make you resentful.

So if you are the only one inviting you always pay? I guess if you’re super rich this works. Even then though wouldn’t you feel resentful? I’m not rich and I think it’s rude not to reciprocate or offer to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Rules:

1. You invite, you pay.
2. You do not invite, then demand money of the other parent. So incredibly tacky I find it hard to believe someone would actually do this but apparently one poster did.
3. You do not invite then expect reciprocation based on what you think is the right frequency, or amount of money spent. You have no idea of the financial situation of the other child’s parents.
4. Do not expect a child you’ve paid for — even if for years — to remain friends with your child.it’s a social interaction, not indentured servitude. That child is not obligated to you in any way.
5. Do not pay if it will make you resentful.

So if you are the only one inviting you always pay? I guess if you’re super rich this works. Even then though wouldn’t you feel resentful? I’m not rich and I think it’s rude not to reciprocate or offer to pay.

I agree with the above posters rules. You host. You pay. If you are always the one inviting then you should pick free activities. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Rules:

1. You invite, you pay.
2. You do not invite, then demand money of the other parent. So incredibly tacky I find it hard to believe someone would actually do this but apparently one poster did.
3. You do not invite then expect reciprocation based on what you think is the right frequency, or amount of money spent. You have no idea of the financial situation of the other child’s parents.
4. Do not expect a child you’ve paid for — even if for years — to remain friends with your child.it’s a social interaction, not indentured servitude. That child is not obligated to you in any way.
5. Do not pay if it will make you resentful.

So if you are the only one inviting you always pay? I guess if you’re super rich this works. Even then though wouldn’t you feel resentful? I’m not rich and I think it’s rude not to reciprocate or offer to pay.

NP: yes. If you invite a child, you expect to pay. Same as hosting your own friends for a meal etc. Most parents send $ or offer to reimburse anyway (and so do I) but it is not expected. Host what you can afford.

Teens and drop off activities (plans made by the kids) are different as described by the posters above. OP’s kid is on the cusp of this.

[Anonymous]

Usually at 13, kids are making their own plans to go the movies etc (without parent involvement- other than asking permission and for rides). For example my DS13 asked me the other day “can I go to the trampoline place with Larlo? His mom can drive us” And then I send DS with $ (whether that is his own $ or given by a parent is between them). The expectation would be the kids pay for themselves. The mom dropped them off and ran some errands before picking them back up, which is normal. Parents don’t usually stay.

For a younger kid, I’d be doing the inviting and would be expecting to stay to supervise, and pay as the host.

[Anonymous]

My son lost a friend over this. He invited his friend to go to movies a few times and I paid for tickets, food, etc. I'm not rich but I wanted them to have fun outings. His friends mother stopped allowing him to come. She felt these outings should be rare treats and objected to the indulgence. The friend never really came over after that. We were in a dysfunctional home environment and having friends over just wasn't practical.

[Anonymous]

My kids friends socialize by doing homework together or playing games in the basement.

Only boring people need to pay for casual entertainment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids friends socialize by doing homework together or playing games in the basement.

Only boring people need to pay for casual entertainment.

Why such a weird side comment? It is fair to say that teens can have a healthy mix of paid and unpaid entertainment, and do not have to live as mole people in the basement all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Rules:

1. You invite, you pay.
2. You do not invite, then demand money of the other parent. So incredibly tacky I find it hard to believe someone would actually do this but apparently one poster did.
3. You do not invite then expect reciprocation based on what you think is the right frequency, or amount of money spent. You have no idea of the financial situation of the other child’s parents.
4. Do not expect a child you’ve paid for — even if for years — to remain friends with your child.it’s a social interaction, not indentured servitude. That child is not obligated to you in any way.
5. Do not pay if it will make you resentful.

Sorry your rules are complete crap. You sound like someone who is happy to take advantage of others.

There is definitely an expectation that people reciprocate. I've even taught my kids about this. If they have a friend whose parent hosts or takes them somewhere, they know to bring their own money along, offer to pay, or find some way to reciprocate. It doesn't have to be right away, and it doesn't have to be equivalent to what the other person does, but friendships can't be one-way.

[Anonymous]

Sorry are you new here? Your daughter just started hanging with friends?

My son is 5, when he has friends over or play dates.

I always pay for his friends, their enternance, food, souvenirs, snack, treat. Heck, sometimes if I’m feeling good. I’ll get them both a small toy.

It’s weird that you expect your friends daughter who is a minor to pay her way, even if her parents have offered to pay. In my culture, we wouldn’t accept it. As the host of someone, you pay.

I agree that if the girls make a movie outing and all you have to do is “drop off”. Then yes, she should have her own money for movies, food.

I don’t expect any of my sons friends to come with money, and vice versa. My sons friends parents haven’t asked me once for a dime, they take him to basketball games, baseball games, arcades.

It sounds like YOU can afford to host, and that’s a you problem.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. My oldest has a friend whose parents are divorced. I have been driving and paying for this kid for years. He is a great kid and a close friend of my son’s. If we plan an activity, he is the only one without money. We are used to it and it is fine. My middle kid is 13 and has a lot of friends. There are kids who have money. Those who don’t. The kids are making their own plans now and it is often drop off.

I was the kid with no money when I was a kid. My best friend’s mom always paid for me every single time. I am now in my forties and we are the wealthy ones now. That childhood best friend is divorced and not working now. I have been treating her for most of our adult lives. I treat us to trips. I still feel grateful to her and her mom for paying for me all those years.

If the kid is nice and your child’s best friend, I would continue treating. If you don’t want to pay for her, just let the kids hang out at your house.

[Anonymous]

Hi, I was your DD’s friend once. I am still incredibly grateful for my BFF’s family that did things like take me to museums, out to a chinese restaurant so I could learn to use chopsticks, on camping trips. Nothing super expensive (and it certainly was not every week) but it exposed me to to things I never would have seen otherwise in my giant, chaotic family. My friends did all spend a ton of time at my house so it’s not like there was zero reciprocation. But yeah, please do what you can within reason!