DDs best friend is expensive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a situation similar but the other family was wealthy. We have an only and so did they. Made a point of saying in African culture the host pays etc and no don’t send money when DD went to lunch with them. Then I took their kid ice skating, pumpkin patch, science center, lunch and DD literally never got invited anywhere with them after that first lunch. Last time I took her swimming to our outdoor pool last summer I told her Mom to send $20 for dinner because I was going to order. She sent it with the Dad ( he dropped off) and he seemed really weird about giving it to me.
They are at different schools now so don’t really see each other, but just weird.

Who TF asks for $20 for pool food? You can get 2 pizzas and chicken wings from Domino’s for $20, Can make lunch meat sandwiches for 20 people, buy 4 frozen pizzas, make hotdogs for half the pool. Was this child 500 pounds eating for 20? I wouldn’t have invited your kids back either.

We were ordering Mexican. This child went to Chipotle once and ordered everything a la carte.we were with parents and her meal was like $25. She eats an adult meal. $20 is just right imo. It’s what I would send with my kid if I knew she was ordering dinner.

who orders Mexican to the swimming pool? and ordering food is expensive. some people never do it. basically you were expecting them to pay for an extravagance they cannot afford. if you actually wanted your child to keep the friendship you’d work to find affordable activities and gracefully cover when you chose unaffordable ones.

Apparently the OP can’t afford it either if she has to ask for money. So what if her meal is $25. It was really small of OP to ask for money.

[Anonymous]

We aren't wealthy, but it never crossed my mind to ask my kids' friends for money to hang out. Of course I get them dinner if they are over then. Of course I include them if we are all going to a movie. Truly. This is wild that you are feeling upset over a child.

[Anonymous]

People are weird. And many are bizarrely cheap despite their personal wealth.

My kid went with another family down to the mall. My kid wasn't hungry so only ordered a soda at the food trucks. The other mother offered him some of her fried something or other, which he accepted -- because: kid and fried food. AND THEN SHE ASKED HIM FOR MONEY. He felt stupid, so gave her the $10 bill he had in change from the coke. And she kept it all.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to make peace that this is what the other family is willing to offer.

Tell your daughter that her friend can come over after school or on weekends but say no to any outside activities.

[Anonymous]

I went back to read your post

- if the family doesn’t allow her to come when it costs, then that’s fine. Obviously they don’t want to burden you. Plus, you don’t know what conversations are being had behind closed doors with their daughter about them not being able to afford.

- agreed with PP you should host things, that are within YOUR budget since you are the one hosting.

- I believe this is also a learning lesson for your daughter about money, things cost money. She needs to understand at this age the value of a dollar, and possibly do some extra chores for anything that is outside of a budgeted amount

- I agree with your idea of a budget, actually that’s really good. They still can hang out but they need to stay within reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are weird. And many are bizarrely cheap despite their personal wealth.

My kid went with another family down to the mall. My kid wasn't hungry so only ordered a soda at the food trucks. The other mother offered him some of her fried something or other, which he accepted -- because: kid and fried food. AND THEN SHE ASKED HIM FOR MONEY. He felt stupid, so gave her the $10 bill he had in change from the coke. And she kept it all.

So he ended up being hungry? And ate it? And spent $10 (doesn’t go far)

Or she forced him to order and he threw the food away?

Technically, if he ordered the food then he should’ve paid.

He could’ve declined and said, “no I’m not hungry. I don’t want to buy anything”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a situation similar but the other family was wealthy. We have an only and so did they. Made a point of saying in African culture the host pays etc and no don’t send money when DD went to lunch with them. Then I took their kid ice skating, pumpkin patch, science center, lunch and DD literally never got invited anywhere with them after that first lunch. Last time I took her swimming to our outdoor pool last summer I told her Mom to send $20 for dinner because I was going to order. She sent it with the Dad ( he dropped off) and he seemed really weird about giving it to me.
They are at different schools now so don’t really see each other, but just weird.

Who TF asks for $20 for pool food? You can get 2 pizzas and chicken wings from Domino’s for $20, Can make lunch meat sandwiches for 20 people, buy 4 frozen pizzas, make hotdogs for half the pool. Was this child 500 pounds eating for 20? I wouldn’t have invited your kids back either.

We were ordering Mexican. This child went to Chipotle once and ordered everything a la carte.we were with parents and her meal was like $25. She eats an adult meal. $20 is just right imo. It’s what I would send with my kid if I knew she was ordering dinner.

who orders Mexican to the swimming pool? and ordering food is expensive. some people never do it. basically you were expecting them to pay for an extravagance they cannot afford. if you actually wanted your child to keep the friendship you’d work to find affordable activities and gracefully cover when you chose unaffordable ones.

Someone sick of ordering pizza and packing food who has a kid with a bougie friend who likes to up charge everything and feels entitled to order adult meals a La carte style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird. And many are bizarrely cheap despite their personal wealth.

My kid went with another family down to the mall. My kid wasn't hungry so only ordered a soda at the food trucks. The other mother offered him some of her fried something or other, which he accepted -- because: kid and fried food. AND THEN SHE ASKED HIM FOR MONEY. He felt stupid, so gave her the $10 bill he had in change from the coke. And she kept it all.

So he ended up being hungry? And ate it? And spent $10 (doesn’t go far)

Or she forced him to order and he threw the food away?

Technically, if he ordered the food then he should’ve paid.

He could’ve declined and said, “no I’m not hungry. I don’t want to buy anything”

Clearly this woman is poor or petty.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why OP is hung up on reciprocating. With her attitude maybe the family feels like anything they do is not good enough for OP’s daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird. And many are bizarrely cheap despite their personal wealth.

My kid went with another family down to the mall. My kid wasn't hungry so only ordered a soda at the food trucks. The other mother offered him some of her fried something or other, which he accepted -- because: kid and fried food. AND THEN SHE ASKED HIM FOR MONEY. He felt stupid, so gave her the $10 bill he had in change from the coke. And she kept it all.

So he ended up being hungry? And ate it? And spent $10 (doesn’t go far)

Or she forced him to order and he threw the food away?

Technically, if he ordered the food then he should’ve paid.

He could’ve declined and said, “no I’m not hungry. I don’t want to buy anything”

It sounds like the other mom ordered the food and offered him some. He accepted so she charged him. Which is weird. Why did she offer him some if she wanted to collect money? And he may not have been hungry, but was trying to be polite and not turn down the offer or was just curious to see how it tasted.

I can’t imagine ordering food, offering some to a person and then asking for cash. So weird.

[Anonymous]

I would pay anything for my kid to have a best friend. It’s not forever. Set a budget in your mind and then just suggest activities that let you stick within that budget.

[Anonymous]

One clarification here

If you tell your DD that she can invite friend to come to something - then your are hosting and yes you pay for the friend.

If your DD and her friend make plans themselves and then inform you they want to take them somewhere and later pick them up - then you are not hosting and your DD should expect and understand that her friend will pay her own way.

If you decide to organize an outing for a group of kids on behalf of your DD - you decide before communicating with parents if you will host or if you will invite participation. If hosting then when communicating you clearly state what costs you are covering i.e. I will
purchase the tickets and lunch but pls send along money if your kid wants to purchase souvenirs. If inviting participation i.e. - Larla and Larletta are going to the 3 pm movie and wanted to invite their friends to join them. Please plan to purchase your kid’s ticket and snacks ahead of time. Drop off at 2:30 pm. I will stay with the kids until the movie starts. Pick up outside after movie ends

[Anonymous]

Stop taking them places. The friend is not making you spend money. That’s your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would pay anything for my kid to have a best friend. It’s not forever. Set a budget in your mind and then just suggest activities that let you stick within that budget.

This is a bit weird to me. I feel so differently about it. I would much rather have my kid be alone (it's not forever) than have friends that only stick around because I'm paying for them to do outings, etc.

[Anonymous]

No one’s stopping you from going to a FREE MUSUEM, or the $2 movies, or movie night at home with microwave popcorn, or spaghetti dinner at home, or play at the park, or go to a farmer’s market, or nail/spa day at home, or sleepover with frozen pizza, or FREE trail hike, or FREE town festival, or low-cost school skate night, or walking around the mall and getting a damn pretzel.

It took me 30 seconds to rattle off a long list of FREE or low-cost activities. What the actual hell is your problem?

(And before you do the predictable accusation, DH and I are wealthy and we host the vast majority of play dates/activities/kid hosting in our group. I threw a huge neighborhood party earlier this month. We are The Hang Out House.)