DDs best friend is expensive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her family clearly can't afford these expensive outings. So either pay for them without resentment or plan free things for the girls to do.

+1
So yes you budget that especially if it's your DD's best or good friend.

[Anonymous]

Also why do your activities always cost money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a situation similar but the other family was wealthy. We have an only and so did they. Made a point of saying in African culture the host pays etc and no don’t send money when DD went to lunch with them. Then I took their kid ice skating, pumpkin patch, science center, lunch and DD literally never got invited anywhere with them after that first lunch. Last time I took her swimming to our outdoor pool last summer I told her Mom to send $20 for dinner because I was going to order. She sent it with the Dad ( he dropped off) and he seemed really weird about giving it to me.
They are at different schools now so don’t really see each other, but just weird.

Who TF asks for $20 for pool food? You can get 2 pizzas and chicken wings from Domino’s for $20, Can make lunch meat sandwiches for 20 people, buy 4 frozen pizzas, make hotdogs for half the pool. Was this child 500 pounds eating for 20? I wouldn’t have invited your kids back either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her family clearly can't afford these expensive outings. So either pay for them without resentment or plan free things for the girls to do.

+1 Really not that hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a situation similar but the other family was wealthy. We have an only and so did they. Made a point of saying in African culture the host pays etc and no don’t send money when DD went to lunch with them. Then I took their kid ice skating, pumpkin patch, science center, lunch and DD literally never got invited anywhere with them after that first lunch. Last time I took her swimming to our outdoor pool last summer I told her Mom to send $20 for dinner because I was going to order. She sent it with the Dad ( he dropped off) and he seemed really weird about giving it to me.
They are at different schools now so don’t really see each other, but just weird.

I think it’s weird you ask for money for an activity you want for your child and are taking a second to entertain yours. $20 for dinner for a child is absurd for the pool. Pack food.

Yikes . You asked for $20?

[Anonymous]

We have this situation too with a good friend of my DD’s. She is also from a big family with 5 kids and the family is doing fine financially, but they are just very frugal and don’t really give their kids spending money.

Our issue is not so much that I offer to take the kids places and then have to pay (which I have no trouble doing the few times I do offer), the issue is more that the girls will be hanging out and then want to go meet up with other friends and need money to eat, see a movie, get ice cream, etc and this girl never has money so it’s awkward. Her parents have no issues with letting her go but don’t give her a dime and then others feel obligated to pay for her.

So I don’t have any answers but I commiserate.

[Anonymous]

Do not let your kid ever pay for another kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You’re the problem, OP.

The question is:

Are you a material sort who would rather drop a friend because she can’t pay instead of having free fun?

Because from where I’m sitting, it really sounds like you’re leaning that way, and are passing moral judgement on what’s an economic issue. Which makes you an awful human being, just so you know.

The other PP as well: “waah, I kept expecting reciprocation from a family who couldn’t afford it”. You guys really need to hear yourselves and your privilege.

And you sound like a leech and a cheapskate.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to only pick free things and then once a month or once every 2 months she can pick an outing that is $40 or under total.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have this situation too with a good friend of my DD’s. She is also from a big family with 5 kids and the family is doing fine financially, but they are just very frugal and don’t really give their kids spending money.

Our issue is not so much that I offer to take the kids places and then have to pay (which I have no trouble doing the few times I do offer), the issue is more that the girls will be hanging out and then want to go meet up with other friends and need money to eat, see a movie, get ice cream, etc and this girl never has money so it’s awkward. Her parents have no issues with letting her go but don’t give her a dime and then others feel obligated to pay for her.

So I don’t have any answers but I commiserate.

If you don’t want to pay don’t invite. With five kids, $20-30 adds up really quickly.

[Anonymous]

I would be more annoyed that the other kid/family doesn’t invite your kid to anything. Sounds like not to even hang out at the other kid’s house.

I do agree:..the kids are now old enough to start arranging their own meetups.

I honestly don’t know why posters are giving you so much grief. For 99% of us we reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a situation similar but the other family was wealthy. We have an only and so did they. Made a point of saying in African culture the host pays etc and no don’t send money when DD went to lunch with them. Then I took their kid ice skating, pumpkin patch, science center, lunch and DD literally never got invited anywhere with them after that first lunch. Last time I took her swimming to our outdoor pool last summer I told her Mom to send $20 for dinner because I was going to order. She sent it with the Dad ( he dropped off) and he seemed really weird about giving it to me.
They are at different schools now so don’t really see each other, but just weird.

Who TF asks for $20 for pool food? You can get 2 pizzas and chicken wings from Domino’s for $20, Can make lunch meat sandwiches for 20 people, buy 4 frozen pizzas, make hotdogs for half the pool. Was this child 500 pounds eating for 20? I wouldn’t have invited your kids back either.

We were ordering Mexican. This child went to Chipotle once and ordered everything a la carte.we were with parents and her meal was like $25. She eats an adult meal. $20 is just right imo. It’s what I would send with my kid if I knew she was ordering dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a situation similar but the other family was wealthy. We have an only and so did they. Made a point of saying in African culture the host pays etc and no don’t send money when DD went to lunch with them. Then I took their kid ice skating, pumpkin patch, science center, lunch and DD literally never got invited anywhere with them after that first lunch. Last time I took her swimming to our outdoor pool last summer I told her Mom to send $20 for dinner because I was going to order. She sent it with the Dad ( he dropped off) and he seemed really weird about giving it to me.
They are at different schools now so don’t really see each other, but just weird.

Who TF asks for $20 for pool food? You can get 2 pizzas and chicken wings from Domino’s for $20, Can make lunch meat sandwiches for 20 people, buy 4 frozen pizzas, make hotdogs for half the pool. Was this child 500 pounds eating for 20? I wouldn’t have invited your kids back either.

So if someone took your kid use skating, to the science ctr, pumpkin patch etc you would feel no obligation to reciprocate or offer reimbursement? You are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. Large family that kept mooching off of friends. We dropped so much $$ on my daughter’s friend never to be reciprocated. We fed her, took her in vacations and other activities. Always footing the bill because she never showed up with money. Family wasn’t poor but I found out all the kids were being pawned off to their friends. The icing on the cake was when my daughter’s friend ditched her horribly in high school.
It was absolutely brutal and painful what she did and my daughter still feels the pain 2 years later. Draw the line and don’t be suckers like we were.

In hindsight, was the friendship at a younger age worth it? Were there other friends? Would a friendship breakup have occurred anyways with another friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be more annoyed that the other kid/family doesn’t invite your kid to anything. Sounds like not to even hang out at the other kid’s house.

I do agree:..the kids are now old enough to start arranging their own meetups.

I honestly don’t know why posters are giving you so much grief. For 99% of us we reciprocate.

She's probably embarrassed. If the OP/OP's daughter is constantly planning expensive outings, that's signaling that they think that just hanging around the house, possibly with annoying younger siblings, is beneath them.