Daughters are childless and one of the is single, what can we do for them as their parents?

[Anonymous]

OP, my husband's family had nonmarried, childless elderly people (two nevermarried aunts and a nevermarried uncle). I think being childless is fine until you start to slow down and not be able to travel/visit as much. Probably late 70s for all of them. They were all long-lived (into their 90s), and they were lonely and honestly a bit of a burden to extended family.

I don't know what the answer is. I don't think anybody should have children if they don't want to, but, the reality is that once they are elderly and need help and rely on people to visit them for company, it is harder for people without kids to get that support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a mom, your concern is legit, you live them and are used to looking out for them.

However, times have changed and if they build a good career, invest money, have a good support system and engaging hobbies, they'll be fine on their own.

That being said, you can push this envelope once more even at the risk of being seen as a nagging meddler. Its worth it but then you'll have to hold your peace forever.

Ask them if there is any way you can help if they want to explore this avenue before you closing this chapter? If you can arrange any blind dates through a matrimonial service, help out with marriage expenses, help with freezing eggs etc. Tell them that you feel your mom didn't do it for your sister and you don't want to repeat this and carry this guilt. You are all adults and they can explain their reasons so you can better understand this matter and move on one way or other.

OP is only looking out for herself. Her daughters are nearly 40-year-old grown-ass women! Op needs to accept she's not getting grandkids and get the hell on with what's left of her life. Actually, if she truly wants to help her daughters she should make sure hers and her husband's affairs are in order, make sure they have coverage for nursing home. home health expences. Have the house cleared out of junk etc

While this could be the case, it could also be the case that OP is genuinely concerned that they will regret missing out on something that she clearly loved. It doesn’t change what she should do (respect their decisions) but it may not be all about grandkids.

FYI, as clear in the original post, OP is a man, not a woman. Hence the belief that being a wife and mother is the end all and be all of female existence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband's family had nonmarried, childless elderly people (two nevermarried aunts and a nevermarried uncle). I think being childless is fine until you start to slow down and not be able to travel/visit as much. Probably late 70s for all of them. They were all long-lived (into their 90s), and they were lonely and honestly a bit of a burden to extended family.

I don't know what the answer is. I don't think anybody should have children if they don't want to, but, the reality is that once they are elderly and need help and rely on people to visit them for company, it is harder for people without kids to get that support.

I just spent almost a decade working in eldercare and hospice care. Many of my clients who had children never saw those children - either because they'd moved far away or because despite living nearby, they just didn't prioritize time with their elderly parents - too busy with their own lives, or maybe just didn't like those parents very much so didn't feel compelled.

When I was a child I watched The Waltons and I believed in the idea that multiple generations got along, lived together, were happy to spend an abundance of time together. Life experience in my own family and in observing other people's families over years of working in professions that brought be up close and personal made me realize that many 'happy' families are only that on the surface, you scratch a little or god forbid dig and you see something else entirely.

Many people end up lonely in old age, even if they have multiple kids and grandkids etc. At least people who choose to be single have built in resilience about being alone, they've learned to enjoy and be at peace with their own company. Both kinds of people often end up relying on paid caregiving when they become incapable of caring for themselves. People should really retire the old canard "but who will take care of you in your old age?"

[Anonymous]

For OP's daughters: https://myselfishlife.com/

[Anonymous]

They're probably not very attractive and that's the best they can get.

[Anonymous]

I’d take whatever u we’re going to don’t on the grandchildren and do an amazing trip for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I know several women in their 70s who're childless by choice. They lead vibrant lives.

My own parents went to the extreme of constantly barraging me to get married and have kids. They thought they were telling me something I didn't know already. It seriously damaged my relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

stay as faaaarrrr away from this conversation as you can OP. Totally totally inappropriate!

[Anonymous]

OP, hugs to you. I understand your pain/concern/loss. Your loss is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're probably not very attractive and that's the best they can get.

+1

[Anonymous]

I was married 5 yrs when some elementary aged cousins said, "hey Auntie, why haven't you had a baby?" I wasn't going to be mad at them, not at their age. My parents couldn't have asked that though. Their comment did get me thinking. We started a family soon after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're probably not very attractive and that's the best they can get.

or have high standards and not ready to settle because parents want them hitched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was married 5 yrs when some elementary aged cousins said, "hey Auntie, why haven't you had a baby?" I wasn't going to be mad at them, not at their age. My parents couldn't have asked that though. Their comment did get me thinking. We started a family soon after that.

Somebody asked me and my husband the same question 5 years ago. We're still childless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're probably not very attractive and that's the best they can get.

Most unattractive people partner up. They just sound like they don't want to.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to your daughters. Many adults postpone children unaware of how rapidly age can affect fertility.