Daughters are childless and one of the is single, what can we do for them as their parents?

[Anonymous]

Nothing you can do. It is kind of late to have these conversations.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like this; she and her sister are both single and childless in their 40s, despite both being beautiful, brilliant, accomplished, kind and lovely people.

The reason is that their father was a domineering critical overbearing ahole whom their mother tried and failed to leave. Usually when both children don’t marry there is a reason related to the family of origin; so instead of worrying about them, search inside yourself, your marriage and your parenting for why they feel more comfortable alone.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing you can or should do about this. Your opinion is your and yours alone, I can’t imagine they’re interested in your opinion about their lives.

[Anonymous]

I can tell how much you love your daughters, and that’s beautiful. I’m sure they can feel it too.

I was your daughters, exactly the same situation. I suspect it bothered my parents, but they never breathed a word to me or ever made me feel judged in the slightest. That was possibly the most selfless act of love they gave me. I will always be thankful. I persisted on my path and now I almost surreally happy. I love my life and I would have been bone deep miserable on a more traditional path. I am grateful my parents loved me enough to respect my path even though it’s not what they would have chosen for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend like this; she and her sister are both single and childless in their 40s, despite both being beautiful, brilliant, accomplished, kind and lovely people.

The reason is that their father was a domineering critical overbearing ahole whom their mother tried and failed to leave. Usually when both children don’t marry there is a reason related to the family of origin; so instead of worrying about them, search inside yourself, your marriage and your parenting for why they feel more comfortable alone.

I doubt it's just the dad. Maybe they just think men suck and cheat all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you can do. It is kind of late to have these conversations.

Have you tested these girls for their reproductivity to know that?

[Anonymous]

I wish I was either of your daughters.

Thankfully, a lot has changed in the last 15 years or so.

I am 46. I never wanted to be a working parent. Ever. Around 31, my parents were on me about getting married. I ended up marrying with great hesitancy.

Everyone seems to think the act of getting married--and having kids--is going to make someone happier. That is not always true.

I divorced at 40. I would not have children again. I love them, but it is not the plan and being a working mother is just not worth it.

I don't think people understand that marriage does not bring the benefits people assume it does and children don't necessarily bring joy either. Being a working mother with a demanding job is about the least joyful way to live.

Marriage is my biggest regret in life. I would be so much happier and better of if I had never done it. I feel like 15 years ago there was a lot more pressure than now, but obviously from this post, the pressure is still there.

Please accept that not all women want that life. And for many, it is not even envious anymore.

[Anonymous]

Sorry...above "enviable" (or desirable) rather than "envious"

[Anonymous]

OP, as a mom, your concern is legit, you live them and are used to looking out for them.

However, times have changed and if they build a good career, invest money, have a good support system and engaging hobbies, they'll be fine on their own.

That being said, you can push this envelope once more even at the risk of being seen as a nagging meddler. Its worth it but then you'll have to hold your peace forever.

Ask them if there is any way you can help if they want to explore this avenue before you closing this chapter? If you can arrange any blind dates through a matrimonial service, help out with marriage expenses, help with freezing eggs etc. Tell them that you feel your mom didn't do it for your sister and you don't want to repeat this and carry this guilt. You are all adults and they can explain their reasons so you can better understand this matter and move on one way or other.

[Anonymous]

*love

[Anonymous]

I would be so, so sad, if my kids didn't have kids. I've told both of them I would look after their babies!

Big hugs, OP. My cousin had her first at 37, after years of saying she didn't want children! She's not married, but she has a long-term boyfriend.

Here's hoping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you can do. It is kind of late to have these conversations.

Have you tested these girls for their reproductivity to know that?

These aren't girls. They are grown women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be so, so sad, if my kids didn't have kids. I've told both of them I would look after their babies!

Big hugs, OP. My cousin had her first at 37, after years of saying she didn't want children! She's not married, but she has a long-term boyfriend.

Here's hoping.

I am a PP. I actually hope my kids are not dumb enough to have kids and put themselves in a bad situation of having to do two full-time jobs. (Plus, I don't want to be a grandparent.)

Several of my friends had first kids 40-44. 37 is not old (I had one then...one-time slip in years).

[Anonymous]

Btw being a childless spinster isn't the only reason to be alone in old age, divorce, death, infertility etc happen too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be so, so sad, if my kids didn't have kids. I've told both of them I would look after their babies!

Big hugs, OP. My cousin had her first at 37, after years of saying she didn't want children! She's not married, but she has a long-term boyfriend.

Here's hoping.

I am a PP. I actually hope my kids are not dumb enough to have kids and put themselves in a bad situation of having to do two full-time jobs. (Plus, I don't want to be a grandparent.)

Several of my friends had first kids 40-44. 37 is not old (I had one then...one-time slip in years).

Why did you've kids yourself if you detest the idea? Bad experience?