Daughters are childless and one of the is single, what can we do for them as their parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will say that I loved my parents for putting no pressure on me for getting married.

But I had not realized that at a certain point, our society stamps women as undesirable and then you are ignored and disrespected. That makes being old and alone difficult when you are female.

It's true. That's why you see aunts suddenly show an interest in kids. Sorry, sis, but they aren't going to take care of you in your old age. The older bachelor uncles are mostly alcoholics and won't live as long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say that I loved my parents for putting no pressure on me for getting married.

But I had not realized that at a certain point, our society stamps women as undesirable and then you are ignored and disrespected. That makes being old and alone difficult when you are female.

It's true. That's why you see aunts suddenly show an interest in kids. Sorry, sis, but they aren't going to take care of you in your old age. The older bachelor uncles are mostly alcoholics and won't live as long.

Sorry but WTF? My aunt has brought more value to my life than my mother. Guess who is getting my help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to sit and talk to your daughters as soon as possible, but convincing them to get married and have babies won't be an easy task as feminism has convinced women that marriage and children are not compulsory but a choice.

Tell them that marriage and children are the most important achievements a woman can have. Your daughters, especially the lawyer, might argue that there are other forms of legal protection that don't involve marriage, or that marriage and children have led women to be tied to abusive husbands or unhappy households. Don't fall that. Look at them in the eyes and warn them about all the awkward family dinners you daughters will have when aunt Karen demands to see their ring and the baby. They might double down and say "aunt Karen should keep her nose out of our business". This is where you step up your game and tell them that it's not just aunt Karen but also uncle Dick who will see their childlessness and lack of a husband as an embarrassment to their bridge club.

If none of the above works, you'll have to take away their phones, laptops and credit cards until they come to their senses and accept that you are entitled to two sons in law and at least 5 grandchildren. You might get in legal trouble for that, but don't let the police or your spoiled daughters ruin your dream.

This is not true and my grandmothers agreed. I am Gen X. Stop this nonsense.

Did your grandmothers teach you to recognize sarcasm? Clearly not.

Both were dead serious and felt unfulfilled in old age. They felt they had accomplished nothing except have kids and sad they did not have more to show for their lives.

I have kids. It is not fulfilling or an accomplishment. Anyone can make a baby… literally nothing unique about it.

I am more fulfilled by work I have done to be a contributing member of society.

What have you contributed to society that is so incredibly fulfilling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say that I loved my parents for putting no pressure on me for getting married.

But I had not realized that at a certain point, our society stamps women as undesirable and then you are ignored and disrespected. That makes being old and alone difficult when you are female.

It's true. That's why you see aunts suddenly show an interest in kids. Sorry, sis, but they aren't going to take care of you in your old age. The older bachelor uncles are mostly alcoholics and won't live as long.

I spent almost a decade being a paid elder caregiver - my first patient was a mid 90s bachelor uncle whose niece visited him 2-3x weekly and who managed his care with great detail and much dedication. She also had parents and kids of her own.

I worked with plenty of elders who had kids and grandkids who never visited.

The assumptions people make here about what old age looks like for those with and without kids are just so much BS. Nobody knows what life will bring and plenty of people outlive their kids or the love their kids had for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to sit and talk to your daughters as soon as possible, but convincing them to get married and have babies won't be an easy task as feminism has convinced women that marriage and children are not compulsory but a choice.

Tell them that marriage and children are the most important achievements a woman can have. Your daughters, especially the lawyer, might argue that there are other forms of legal protection that don't involve marriage, or that marriage and children have led women to be tied to abusive husbands or unhappy households. Don't fall that. Look at them in the eyes and warn them about all the awkward family dinners you daughters will have when aunt Karen demands to see their ring and the baby. They might double down and say "aunt Karen should keep her nose out of our business". This is where you step up your game and tell them that it's not just aunt Karen but also uncle Dick who will see their childlessness and lack of a husband as an embarrassment to their bridge club.

If none of the above works, you'll have to take away their phones, laptops and credit cards until they come to their senses and accept that you are entitled to two sons in law and at least 5 grandchildren. You might get in legal trouble for that, but don't let the police or your spoiled daughters ruin your dream.

This is not true and my grandmothers agreed. I am Gen X. Stop this nonsense.

Did your grandmothers teach you to recognize sarcasm? Clearly not.

Both were dead serious and felt unfulfilled in old age. They felt they had accomplished nothing except have kids and sad they did not have more to show for their lives.

I have kids. It is not fulfilling or an accomplishment. Anyone can make a baby… literally nothing unique about it.

I am more fulfilled by work I have done to be a contributing member of society.

What have you contributed to society that is so incredibly fulfilling?

My work is fulfilling. I've impacted more than 10,000 people...probaby more. Far better than having a kid. Their accomplishments are not mine.

[Anonymous]

You have to suck it up and accept you're unlikely to be a grandfather.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. Hugs!

This has to be an extremely tough situation for you. Just let both daughters know you still love them, even though this has happened to them both.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn’t OP start fostering kids or adopt instead of nagging her adult daughters ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two amazing daughters we are proud of. They're smart, pretty, ambitious and every other thing a parent would hope for. They were always disciplined and responsible so they never gave us any headaches or reason for us to worry, however, my wife and I are both a bit concerned about their family situation as it is today.

The youngest daughter is 36, she's a lawyer. She's been together with her partner for 6 years and living with him for 2 or so. She mentioned she was not interested in getting married and will probably skip the kids too. We let her know that if the cost of a wedding was the problem we could pay part of it. She politely declined and changed subject. The other daughter is 38 and is an accountant. She's been dating here and there, but I don't remember the last time she brought a partner home. I don't think she's had a serious boyfriend in the last 5 years. I understand that not everyone follows the same path in life, but I'm afraid that not being married or having any children will catch up with them at some point. I see this in my sister who's in her late 60s. She had a successful career as an accountant, but she never married or had kids and I believe she's she's very lonely and missed on some important milestones in life. I'm afraid that my daughters will look back on their lives and regret some of their choices. Is there a sensitive way for us to approach this? Has any of you changed your minds about this in the last moment?

We are really supposed to believe a 50-60 yo husband and father wrote this here on DCUM? Lol.

Dating sux, leave them alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry OP. Hugs!

This has to be an extremely tough situation for you. Just let both daughters know you still love them, even though this has happened to them both.

Nothing has happened to them. They are actively choosing not to marry/have children. Being childless and single is not a disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry OP. Hugs!

This has to be an extremely tough situation for you. Just let both daughters know you still love them, even though this has happened to them both.

Nothing has happened to them. They are actively choosing not to marry/have children. Being childless and single is not a disease.

What are you talking about?!

One of OP’s daughters is an old maid and the other is childless!

Are you completely lacking in common sense, PP ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry OP. Hugs!

This has to be an extremely tough situation for you. Just let both daughters know you still love them, even though this has happened to them both.

Nothing has happened to them. They are actively choosing not to marry/have children. Being childless and single is not a disease.

What are you talking about?!

One of OP’s daughters is an old maid and the other is childless!

Are you completely lacking in common sense, PP ?

Ah yes, being voluntary childless and unmarried must be so terrible!
Exercising your free will is such cruel move of nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry OP. Hugs!

This has to be an extremely tough situation for you. Just let both daughters know you still love them, even though this has happened to them both.

Nothing has happened to them. They are actively choosing not to marry/have children. Being childless and single is not a disease.

+1

They are smart!

[Anonymous]

Pay for them to freeze their eggs. They won’t miss a man because they come and go and cheat etc. but they might miss the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say that I loved my parents for putting no pressure on me for getting married.

But I had not realized that at a certain point, our society stamps women as undesirable and then you are ignored and disrespected. That makes being old and alone difficult when you are female.

It's true. That's why you see aunts suddenly show an interest in kids. Sorry, sis, but they aren't going to take care of you in your old age. The older bachelor uncles are mostly alcoholics and won't live as long.

Sorry but WTF? My aunt has brought more value to my life than my mother. Guess who is getting my help?

Filial responsibility laws ensure your mother will get most of your help.

I have an aunt who is alone, without children or close family, and it makes me so glad I had children.