Daughters are childless and one of the is single, what can we do for them as their parents?

[Anonymous]

We have two amazing daughters we are proud of. They're smart, pretty, ambitious and every other thing a parent would hope for. They were always disciplined and responsible so they never gave us any headaches or reason for us to worry, however, my wife and I are both a bit concerned about their family situation as it is today.

The youngest daughter is 36, she's a lawyer. She's been together with her partner for 6 years and living with him for 2 or so. She mentioned she was not interested in getting married and will probably skip the kids too. We let her know that if the cost of a wedding was the problem we could pay part of it. She politely declined and changed subject. The other daughter is 38 and is an accountant. She's been dating here and there, but I don't remember the last time she brought a partner home. I don't think she's had a serious boyfriend in the last 5 years. I understand that not everyone follows the same path in life, but I'm afraid that not being married or having any children will catch up with them at some point. I see this in my sister who's in her late 60s. She had a successful career as an accountant, but she never married or had kids and I believe she's she's very lonely and missed on some important milestones in life. I'm afraid that my daughters will look back on their lives and regret some of their choices. Is there a sensitive way for us to approach this? Has any of you changed your minds about this in the last moment?

[Anonymous]

Your daughter are grown women. I'm pretty sure they know what they want out of life. If they're unmarried and childless it's either because that's better than their other options or they're simply not interested in marriage and children.

[Anonymous]

No, there is no sensitive way for you to approach this. The thing you can say about it is absolutely nothing. Your daughters both know perfectly well that partnership, marriage, and motherhood are options and they chosen not to take those options.

There is no way you can open your mouth on this subject at all without damaging your relationship with them. Do not offer to pay for anything that would move them more towards the life you want for them.

The only way to keep your relationship strong is to mind your own business and love them exactly as they are, with the choices they have made.

[Anonymous]

Your daughters are both highly intelligent women, fully capable of making decisions about their personal lives without you interjecting and telling them how miserable they’ll be if they don’t conform to your idea of how life should be lived and what should be the important milestones in life.

Seriously, you should butt out and just love them as they are. They know what they are doing. Many younger people, especially women, are not interested in marriage or motherhood. It is entirely valid to eschew those institutions and many of us do so quite happily.

Everyone ends up with some regrets in life and midlife and elder years can be a time of emotional difficulties for all kinds of people, especially women in the season of the change of life - but that doesn’t mean your sister is sorry about her choices, either. You shouldn’t assume that unless she’s specifically told you so - otherwise you are again imposing your ideals on other people’s lives.

It’s okay to not be a grandparent. If you love your daughters for who they choose to be, they’ll take good care of you as you grow old.

[Anonymous]

Sister is just one person, she grew up during a time that was probably unwelcoming to successful unmarried women. This isn't necessary the case today. You also don't know how she feels, you just say you think she is lonely.

[Anonymous]

You should have been talking about this from their teen years. In your shoes now, I’d mention it our concern or advice once and then drop it.

[Anonymous]

I have two aunts who never had kids, one of whom was married but divorced when in was young and never married again. They’re both awesome, well-adjusted women who are planning their own end of life care and financials perfectly competently and happily. I adore them and one of my sisters is likely to be similar — 38, happily married but no kids and no plans to have kids. Childfree people can be happy, healthy, and wonderful family members and I think it’s kind of sad you’re putting the importance you place on procreation on your sister/daughters.

[Anonymous]

Best things you can do for them are to check in to make sure they have a good financial advisor and a good financial plan and to make sure you and their mom are handling your own finances as best you can.

Then concentrate on enjoying the great women they are, as they are.

[Anonymous]

Your daughters sound like great people.

I didn't get married until I was 50, and I'm surprised that I did. I was perfectly happy being single, and getting married was never my goal. I had a nightmare that my boyfriend was in the hospital and I wasn't allowed to see him and that's basically why I proposed.

I was never interested in having children, either.



Love your daughters as they are.

[Anonymous]

I am a 38 year old lawyer who is married with 2 kids. I have four close friends in this situation or who were post 35. One just has gotten married but they don’t want kids. She has an amazing career and they travel a lot. I wouldn’t be shocked if they tried to have kids in a couple years but it would be only one she odds aren’t amazing at nearly 40.

One is a very high earning attorney who is contemplating having a baby solo. She froze her eggs at 33. The others are coming up dry in the urban dating pool or happily single.

I am happy with my life but I think a lot of women look at what it’s like to be a highly educated woman married to a man in 2024 and a parent in 2024 more generally and say no thanks. Being a working mom can be brutal. Most men don’t carry anywhere near half the load, even when the wife makes all the money. And generally, grandparents aren’t the “village” needed to make life work.

Their lives are theirs. Love them, celebrate them, do fun vacations with them. Don’t push your agenda on them - that will only alienate them.

[Anonymous]

Yes, definitely bring it up. I’m sure neither of them has noticed that they’re over 35 and unmarried and childless.

[Anonymous]

They are grown adults. Enjoy them, love them, respect their life choices.

[Anonymous]

Bring it up but gently .

[Anonymous]

I'm 57 and single and childless and happy as a clam. I love the children in my life, and date when I want to but don't introduce any of the men to my father (who lives across the country).

How dare you assume you know better than they do what they want. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bring it up but gently .

So he brings it up. What are they supposed to do? Get online and marry the first person they can convince?

It sounds like they had good role models for marriage. They know being married and having kids is an option. Either they don't want it, or they do want it and it's a sore spot that it's not happening.