Letting the Ivy plan go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a similar situation (not Ivy related) with my daughter. Both DH and I are immigrants and have overcome a lot of adversity to be where we are now. It is frustrating when you see that your kid does not want to put in the hard work to succeed.

I guess OP's frustration is not only stemming from the fact that her daughter has no interest in applying to her ivy but she's more frustrated that her daughter is not achieving her full potential and is backing off because she may not want to work hard and put in the effort.

OP, if you truly feel your daughter has the potential to do well in the advanced classes but is just plain lazy, then push her and encourage her in whatever way you can. She'll thank you later.

If she truly does not have the potential, then let go and set lower goals for her that are more reasonable to achieve.

Thank you for this. I think you understand where I’m coming from. It’s not just about a brand. It’s about the hard work to make a life. And the sacrifices for our kids. And wanting the best for her. She has the potential but not the interest it seems.

And that means you drop it.

My husband played D1 soccer in college.
Our son started playing, and my husband was ecstatic. Turns out my son was really really good - better than my husband was at his age. But…he just didn’t have the drive. He’d show up and play a good game, but was half hearted about the training needed to really succeed. Broke my husbands heart, but we had to let my son decided where he wanted to go with it. He ended up quitting entirely because he found another sport he enjoyed more.

Parent the kid you have OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You kid is invent IVY material if she is stressed and miserable in 9th grade advanced classes
Just spare her, there is no chance anyway

Only History and English are 9th grade classes. She’s 4 years ahead in language, 3 years ahead in math and 2 years ahead in science. Which is easy to do when a kid is tracked early into that path. Never an issue until this year when her priorities have shifted to social things. She also plays a year round sport as she has for years. This also adds to some of the scheduling stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

I agree, but it's who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You kid is invent IVY material if she is stressed and miserable in 9th grade advanced classes
Just spare her, there is no chance anyway

Only History and English are 9th grade classes. She’s 4 years ahead in language, 3 years ahead in math and 2 years ahead in science. Which is easy to do when a kid is tracked early into that path. Never an issue until this year when her priorities have shifted to social things. She also plays a year round sport as she has for years. This also adds to some of the scheduling stress.

Not to ratchet things...but if your kid isn't getting recruited for the sport, then it is a net negative at these schools assuming there are not a bunch of other strong ECs (of course, the sport, any other ECs and the classes just compound the misery). If she is at a high enough level to get recruited, you probably wouldn't be posting on DCUM.

I guess the other confounding thing is how/why did she push ahead in these courses? I can see one of the three above...but what is the point of being "ahead" in science. I don't even really understand what that means. That your kid took HS biology and chemistry in MS and now can take AP Bio in 9th?

Is the language because someone at home is a native speaker? If not, how does someone get 4 years ahead in a language, and why would anyone do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong place to ask. Everyone will tell you let her take regular classes. Less competition for their kid

Agree. But at the same time, there are tragic stories, and mental health really does come first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You kid is invent IVY material if she is stressed and miserable in 9th grade advanced classes
Just spare her, there is no chance anyway

Only History and English are 9th grade classes. She’s 4 years ahead in language, 3 years ahead in math and 2 years ahead in science. Which is easy to do when a kid is tracked early into that path. Never an issue until this year when her priorities have shifted to social things. She also plays a year round sport as she has for years. This also adds to some of the scheduling stress.

Not to ratchet things...but if your kid isn't getting recruited for the sport, then it is a net negative at these schools assuming there are not a bunch of other strong ECs (of course, the sport, any other ECs and the classes just compound the misery). If she is at a high enough level to get recruited, you probably wouldn't be posting on DCUM.

I guess the other confounding thing is how/why did she push ahead in these courses? I can see one of the three above...but what is the point of being "ahead" in science. I don't even really understand what that means. That your kid took HS biology and chemistry in MS and now can take AP Bio in 9th?

Is the language because someone at home is a native speaker? If not, how does someone get 4 years ahead in a language, and why would anyone do that?

Agree. Something seems off here.

[Anonymous]

Parent the kid you have, not the one you want.

Do you know happy, fulfilled adults who didn't go to the same caliber of schools or didn't have the scholarship package as you and your spouse? I'm sure you do. That's who your kid is and that's a great option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You kid is invent IVY material if she is stressed and miserable in 9th grade advanced classes
Just spare her, there is no chance anyway

Only History and English are 9th grade classes. She’s 4 years ahead in language, 3 years ahead in math and 2 years ahead in science. Which is easy to do when a kid is tracked early into that path. Never an issue until this year when her priorities have shifted to social things. She also plays a year round sport as she has for years. This also adds to some of the scheduling stress.

This is growth too.

You make it sound like it's an unnecessary extravagance.

[Anonymous]

As I said it’s pretty easy to be ahead by years when kids are tracked early. She is ahead of the general pack and I still know of a few wicked smart kids that are farther ahead than she is. Of her friend pool though, she is the only one by far. And I think that is a big part of the problem. She is definitely a “go with the flow” kind of kid. If she were in a different school environment where even the cool kids are focused on top schools, she would absolutely be hustling on the selective path. This I know 1000000%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

I agree, but it's who he is.

My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.

Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…

[Anonymous]

And this is why kids ave anxiety and depression… yea but keep blaming it on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You kid is invent IVY material if she is stressed and miserable in 9th grade advanced classes
Just spare her, there is no chance anyway

Only History and English are 9th grade classes. She’s 4 years ahead in language, 3 years ahead in math and 2 years ahead in science. Which is easy to do when a kid is tracked early into that path. Never an issue until this year when her priorities have shifted to social things. She also plays a year round sport as she has for years. This also adds to some of the scheduling stress.

Not to ratchet things...but if your kid isn't getting recruited for the sport, then it is a net negative at these schools assuming there are not a bunch of other strong ECs (of course, the sport, any other ECs and the classes just compound the misery). If she is at a high enough level to get recruited, you probably wouldn't be posting on DCUM.

I guess the other confounding thing is how/why did she push ahead in these courses? I can see one of the three above...but what is the point of being "ahead" in science. I don't even really understand what that means. That your kid took HS biology and chemistry in MS and now can take AP Bio in 9th?

Is the language because someone at home is a native speaker? If not, how does someone get 4 years ahead in a language, and why would anyone do that?

Agree. Something seems off here.

NP: native speaker or language immersion program probably? My kids did language immersion through elementary so are many years ahead in language, technically (conversational classes for native speakers as freshmen). Also at our school a kid can be several years ahead in math due to early tracking (my DC are not). Science I have no idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

Your child’s story doesn’t mean it’s her child’s story.