Letting the Ivy plan go

[Anonymous]

I went to an Ivy League school on full scholarship. My husband also went to a highly selective university on full scholarship. We have worked very hard over difficult odds in our lives. Since DD was little, she wanted to go to my alma mater. First year in HS, it’s looking like it’s not in the cards. She is absolutely miserable in her advanced classes & doesn’t want to take on the rigor she needs to take next year. She is doing well academically but at what cost? She is so stressed and unhappy and wants to take “regular” classes next year. It is a constant fight between us daily about her workload now and about her future. I’m torn between pushing with tough love because she is young and maybe she will thank me later vs considering that maybe it is just too much for her, to let her make her own choices, and to prioritize her wellbeing. Frustrating because I know the latter will close some doors for her and she is better than this. What do you think DCUM and has anyone btdt?

[Anonymous]

A miserable, or at least a very over scheduled, high school experience is part of positioning yourself to have a shot at the ivies. It's not for everyone and for a kid who doesn't want it, why make high school miserable?

[Anonymous]

Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

[Anonymous]

Correction. OP wants daughter to attend her alma mater. Not the other way around and is making her feel badly about it.

[Anonymous]

This is 100 percent your fault. One hundred percent.

Why on earth would your kid have wanted to go to your college since she was little? What have you been telling her? Our kids and our grandkids probably couldn’t even tell us where we went to college ha ha. College is a blip on the radar of life and has no bearing on who you are as a person.

[Anonymous]

Wrong place to ask. Everyone will tell you let her take regular classes. Less competition for their kid

[Anonymous]

It’s very difficult having parents who went to Ivies. Most kids can’t measure up.

[Anonymous]

You are a terrible person and parent if you continue to push this agenda on her. If her 4 years of high school are miserably stressful, she will blame you forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong place to ask. Everyone will tell you let her take regular classes. Less competition for their kid

Her kid doesn’t want it nor can handle it, idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

[Anonymous]

The good news is that she will go to college, be successful and happy... and you will come to realize all the "hard work" and torture you put yourself through was all for naught.

This is actually a growing experience for you. You're not used to being "wrong" but you are about to find out everything you believe to be true was wrong.

It will be a long hard road, you don't see it now, but you will once you are older and wiser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong place to ask. Everyone will tell you let her take regular classes. Less competition for their kid

Apparently, you cannot comprehend that her child is miserable, is having trouble, and the mom wants this;not the child.
You obviously didn’t attend ivy or any higher education.

[Anonymous]

I went to a highly selective college and I would consider letting my daughter get invested in going there to be a major parenting foul.

1) Kids are their own people. They have their own paths.
2) “I want to go to Harvard” is as bad a dream for a kid to fixate on as “I want to play in the NBA.” It undervalues the parts that are the most important and overvalues the final outcome that’s very unlikely to happen no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to an Ivy League school on full scholarship. My husband also went to a highly selective university on full scholarship. We have worked very hard over difficult odds in our lives. Since DD was little, she wanted to go to my alma mater. First year in HS, it’s looking like it’s not in the cards. She is absolutely miserable in her advanced classes & doesn’t want to take on the rigor she needs to take next year. She is doing well academically but at what cost? She is so stressed and unhappy and wants to take “regular” classes next year. It is a constant fight between us daily about her workload now and about her future. I’m torn between pushing with tough love because she is young and maybe she will thank me later vs considering that maybe it is just too much for her, to let her make her own choices, and to prioritize her wellbeing. Frustrating because I know the latter will close some doors for her and she is better than this. What do you think DCUM and has anyone btdt?

This has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Put her in foster care to beef up her application.

Do DNA testing. Maybe you're diverse.