Letting the Ivy plan go
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Anonymous
Funny, as my brain has matured over the past 50 years it’s become clear to me how silly it was to have put so much pressure on myself to attend one of the best colleges back in the 90s. Consider the possibility that your daughter’s decision-making skills have already exceeded yours. |
Anonymous
Funny. But mine is actually attending this school... |
Anonymous
What does 3 years ahead in math mean? Precalculus in 9th or AP Calc AB or BC? If the latter, OP has to worry more about math classes in high school before Ivy admissions. |
Anonymous
I went to HYP - one for BA, one for MA, and one for doctorate. Husband went to H for MA. We will be actively steering DC away from the ivies and never drawing attention to the schools we went too. OP - children don’t give a crap about what school you went to or “want” to go to a specific college since they were little. They care because you’ve sent the message. |
Anonymous
Not true. |
Anonymous
You really need to let it go. Your child is already on an accelerated path. If she wants to step off or slow down a bit, it's okay. I have a fairly motivated child myself. Her friends are not. That does not impact how she prioritizes her life. To be honest, I wish she were a bit more mellow about the whole thing, because she puts such immense pressure on herself, and that's overall, not good. |
Anonymous
Parents like the OP make it difficult. She probably mentions her Ivy League degree all the time. For normal parents who went to Ivies it’s not difficult. My husband’s whole family are Ivy League graduates. My husband was not heading to an Ivy. His parents never talked about their degrees because it had nothing to do with their son and what was best for him. |
Anonymous
| I haven't read all of the responses, but just taking (and doing well in) advanced classes wouldn't get your kid into your Ivy alma mater either. I know two families where both parents went to the same Ivy, so double-legacy, and the kids didn't get in - Brown for one family and Princeton for the other. And the parents in both cases said their kid was a much better student than they ever were. You might not have gotten into your college in the current landscape. |
Anonymous
Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire. |
Anonymous
| I know you want what’s best for your daughter and don’t want her to close any doors but think about it this way… Your daughter could take the most rigorous courseload and have perfect grades and SATs and not get into an Ivy. It’s actually pretty likely she won’t. So I would follow her lead. If she doesn’t really want it, it’s not worth the sacrifice. I’m not an expert and my kids weren’t Ivy bound so I’m no expert but I’ve watched what the pursuit has done to extended family members. Read Never Enough. |
Anonymous
| OP. I hear you. I am by no means an Ivy or bust person - these schools are longshots for every student - but it would bother me if my child decided to take a less rigorous course schedule sophomore year even though they have shown they can handle it (academically, at least) in ninth grade. The fact of the matter is that it is difficult to get into even state flagships without taking a high-rigor schedule in the current environment. I want my children to keep as many doors open as possible for as long as possible. A 14 year old does not fully understand the implications of her choices, and as a parent, I think it is your responsibility to explain them. I am also from a culture where working hard in academics is just expected, and a little stress is not seen as a bad thing. |
Anonymous
Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal. 
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Anonymous
This is not a tween goal. I can eye roll too. 🙄 |
Anonymous
Your OP didn't outline how far ahead she has already pushed. Even a dial back won't really be a dial back because she's been so accelerated, but I'd try to talk her into sticking with honors next year instead of pushing into APs. And if she balks, let her take a regular class in her least favorite subject. Parent the kid you have. That anecdote a page or so back about the intrinsically motivated kid who did all the right things and still didn't get into UVA is heartbreaking. Don't sacrifice your child to the altar of college admission. |
Anonymous
| What Ivy League schools give non-need scholarships? |