Letting the Ivy plan go

[Anonymous]

Even if she did everything "right," she's not guaranteed of acceptance. It's your job to parent the child you have, which includes guiding her toward classes and activities that fit her strengths. It also means teaching her that there is no one right path to adult success.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I also went to an Ivy. Our dcs are excellent students, well-rounded people...And they would never get in now. The college landscape has changed so much and is so competitive. I have zero doubts they'd excel at an Ivy, but it won't happen. They will probably go to our state flagship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

The answers are sane; you simply don’t like being called out on your nonsense.

[Anonymous]

You should prioritize your kids well-being now.

Getting into an Ivy, even as a legacy who otherwise looks perfect on paper, is a lottery these days. It is a fool's errand to aim at it, specifically, as your family's collective goal.

Your kid is telling you what she wants. You are not listening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put her in foster care to beef up her application.

Do DNA testing. Maybe you're diverse.

First generation college, students and POC. I bet that really makes you mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

So, in fairness...certain Ivy schools throw pretty crazy 5-year reunions that are well attended by alums. It is like a Carnival for the kids, who as they get older (like 8-13), are able to run around to all the different 5-year reunion tents...where one tent has a moonbounce, one tent maybe has carnival games...free food and soda...tons of other kids playing pickup games, etc.

For many years of course, our kids would say, I want to go to alma mater...not because of anything academic or crazy, but because to them they associated it with non-stop fun and games (literally).

We never pushed anything on them and as they grew up, they of course matured. First decided it wasn't for them and second likely has no interest either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

It’s not sane to say that your daughter has wanted to attend your college since she was little. We all know that is not true and the truth is it is you who has wanted that since she was little. This is the only correct response. Too bad you don’t like it, suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put her in foster care to beef up her application.

Do DNA testing. Maybe you're diverse.

First generation college, students and POC. I bet that really makes you mad.

Okay, perpetual victim.

[Anonymous]

Yes, at what cost. That's important. Your child is an individual human, not a clone of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

Do you honestly think you are where you are only because you went to Ivys? Not because you were hard workers and smart? You really couldn’t haven’t gotten where you are by having gone to a state school or regional university?

I ask because my husband and I went to a school ranked lower than 100 and we are both doing really well. In fulfilling jobs, too (not big law or finance). My husband is honestly one of the smartest people I know, and incredibly hard working. He didn’t need and Ivy to succeed, and neither did I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

Do you honestly think you are where you are only because you went to Ivys? Not because you were hard workers and smart? You really couldn’t haven’t gotten where you are by having gone to a state school or regional university?

I ask because my husband and I went to a school ranked lower than 100 and we are both doing really well. In fulfilling jobs, too (not big law or finance). My husband is honestly one of the smartest people I know, and incredibly hard working. He didn’t need and Ivy to succeed, and neither did I.

The OP doesn’t care about all that. She just wants that prize of saying her daughter is attending that ivy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

Everyone here pretends they don’t care where their kids go to college and then they will claim their kid just stumbled upon coding or squash and was self motivated to spend most waking moment’s pursuing their rare extracurriculars in order to win national competitions. And they like taking SAT practice tests for fun. But no, they would never push their kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put her in foster care to beef up her application.

Do DNA testing. Maybe you're diverse.

First generation college, students and POC. I bet that really makes you mad.

Bet my white privilege really makes you mad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

Do you honestly think you are where you are only because you went to Ivys? Not because you were hard workers and smart? You really couldn’t haven’t gotten where you are by having gone to a state school or regional university?

I ask because my husband and I went to a school ranked lower than 100 and we are both doing really well. In fulfilling jobs, too (not big law or finance). My husband is honestly one of the smartest people I know, and incredibly hard working. He didn’t need and Ivy to succeed, and neither did I.

I hate anecdotes. They never support the points people are trying to make and anytime they are given in the context of elite schools, there is no winning.

Did Jeff Bezos need Princeton? I don't know...but he came from a modest background and is the richest person in the world.

The list of the richest people and elite schools can go on-and-on.