Dating someone who cheated on their spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you date someone who admitted to a failed marriage due to cheating? This is someone who is good-looking with a good career and appears to be a good parent. But loss of love/X led to cheating. Not sure if this is worth exploring further.

I’d dig in to the “loss of love” thing, then decide. Was their spouse handicapped or mentally disabled or abusive- and this led to loss of love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if you all shot and killed someone, no one should give you a second chance?

What the fuck?

Why would I ever be shooting (and killing) anyone? What a bizarre leap. But no, I don't think I'd want to date a murder either...

Cheating is like murder of a relationship I guess?

The point is giving second chances… So quick to judge.

The point is there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date a murderer or a cheater. But I guess you can always start writing prisoners if you want to give them a second chance!

Glad you all are not called for jury duty. Every defendant would hang.

[Anonymous]

Someone tells you exactly who they are. Believe them.

[Anonymous]

I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you date someone who admitted to a failed marriage due to cheating? This is someone who is good-looking with a good career and appears to be a good parent. But loss of love/X led to cheating. Not sure if this is worth exploring further.

I don’t judge as harshly as I did when I was younger, having an affair after 25 years of marriage where the previous eight had no warmth or affection is a lot different than sleeping with an Applebee’s hostess when your wife is on bedrest.

I’d have to ask more questions about what the relationship was like in the years leading up to his cheating, his cheating could’ve been an absolute relief to his wife, maybe she didn’t have the courage to end the relationship without citing some major offense, she could have purposely withheld affection and emotional intimacy to isolate and drive him away. Ask more questions then make the call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if you all shot and killed someone, no one should give you a second chance?

What the fuck?

Why would I ever be shooting (and killing) anyone? What a bizarre leap. But no, I don't think I'd want to date a murder either...

Cheating is like murder of a relationship I guess?

The point is giving second chances… So quick to judge.

The point is there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date a murderer or a cheater. But I guess you can always start writing prisoners if you want to give them a second chance!

Glad you all are not called for jury duty. Every defendant would hang.

Do your past murders make you insecure in the dating world? Why is this relevant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you date someone who admitted to a failed marriage due to cheating? This is someone who is good-looking with a good career and appears to be a good parent. But loss of love/X led to cheating. Not sure if this is worth exploring further.

I don’t judge as harshly as I did when I was younger, having an affair after 25 years of marriage where the previous eight had no warmth or affection is a lot different than sleeping with an Applebee’s hostess when your wife is on bedrest.

I’d have to ask more questions about what the relationship was like in the years leading up to his cheating, his cheating could’ve been an absolute relief to his wife, maybe she didn’t have the courage to end the relationship without citing some major offense, she could have purposely withheld affection and emotional intimacy to isolate and drive him away. Ask more questions then make the call.

We can agree to disagree. Deal breaker for me. Cheating has been a deal breaker since I was a teen in HS until now as a 53-year old married 25-years.

Lying and cheating, and all the things you need to do to carry out an affair behind a spouse's back: unforgivable. But, I would address the 'no warmth or affection'. Marriages have stages. Raising kids and both working can cause couples to lose that closeness, get off track...I'm not going to go out and bang a stranger because of it. I also had a lot of healthy, happy, functional marriages as role models--and outright told by my parents and older siblings when I was blissfully engaged: marriage can be hard, there may be times you can't stand to be in the same room-you won't believe this now--but you get through it and a long marriage has peaks and valleys. Each peak after a valley--higher than the rest. My parents happiest times were empty nest/retirement they told me. They traveled like crazy and seemed like newylweds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

+100

[Anonymous]

OP - Sounds like you have run into our STBX Son-In-Law! In his mind, one should be doing therapy to learn to "better communicate" and to learn to "get along to go along" -- likely as rommmates for the sake of the children. His attempt to get one to stay was to exert financial control by certain means even though his spouse works and contributes to all accounts. Fortunately, we were able step in and provide financial support so DD could get legal advice and plan on what were the best steps for her and the children. Stick to your initial gut feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most divorced men have cheated so that narrows the dating pool a ton.

Classic DCUM, toss around "most X have done Y" like you personally conducted a statisically valid survey. Can the unearned confidence and give OP an actual experience you can describe which she might find helpful. But throwing around huge generalizations means nothing.

Huh? Yes. My point is if you throw all those guys out, the dating pool narrows

[Anonymous]

Wonder if you’re dating my husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you date someone who admitted to a failed marriage due to cheating? This is someone who is good-looking with a good career and appears to be a good parent. But loss of love/X led to cheating. Not sure if this is worth exploring further.

It would be interesting to interview the exwife and get her take on the breakdown of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you date someone who admitted to a failed marriage due to cheating? This is someone who is good-looking with a good career and appears to be a good parent. But loss of love/X led to cheating. Not sure if this is worth exploring further.

When the love was lost did they consider doing the ethical thing and initiate a divorce before cheating on their spouse within a marriage?

If the love is lost many divorce at that time and don't cheat.

[Anonymous]

It’s not as bad as dating somebody who aborted a baby. That’s a less trustworthy evil person.