Dating someone who cheated on their spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you give more context? It sounds like the person has owned it and is remorseful. Literally everyone you date who is 40+ is going to have some kind of baggage. And you said date, not marry. If this person cheats on you, you break up and move on.

Disagree. They are justifying the bad behavior, not owning it. OMG.

It's a blame game to say: I cheated because the marriage was bad or I fell out of love or I wasn't getting sex.

There is never a reason to cheat and lie in a marriage/relationship. Period.

This person is telling you they did it, but scapegoating the blame. This is a person that will not accept responsibility and still don't see the wrong-doing on their part.

Cr*p person.

[Anonymous]

"loss of love/X led to cheating"

No, it didn't. Lack of integrity led someone to choose to cheat. This isn't an inevitability. Relationships fair, love dies, things fsck up, and people start over, but decent people who value their own integrity can get through all that w/o cheating. They may separate, open the marriage, start dating before the ink on the divorce is dry; there's some "grey area" there, perhaps. But cheating? Where your active spouse doesn't know? Hard pass.

Agree with PPs who said "once a cheater, always a cheater". Leopards don't change their spots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a good sign they told you. Are they in therapy and regretful?

I might date someone like this but I would almost certainly not marry them.

He is in therapy and claims to be regretful. But my gut tells me it happened more than once.

If he told you he cheated because of X and X is not because he was immature and selfish but X blames his wife or their relationship, I could not get out fast enough.

[Anonymous]

Of course he is good looking and has a “good career” if he didn’t he wouldn’t be able to con foolish women like the OP into sleeping with a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a good sign they told you. Are they in therapy and regretful?

I might date someone like this but I would almost certainly not marry them.

He is in therapy and claims to be regretful. But my gut tells me it happened more than once.

Yep, he knows all the right things to say. "I feel terrible, I'm getting help."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a good sign they told you. Are they in therapy and regretful?

I might date someone like this but I would almost certainly not marry them.

He is in therapy and claims to be regretful. But my gut tells me it happened more than once.

Always listen to your gut in a situation like this. Men who are serial cheaters are addicted to the thrill and really likely to relapse even if they have had therapy. Read all the threads with these poor women who had 5, 10 good years after affair discovery and the guy just cheats again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a good sign they told you. Are they in therapy and regretful?

I might date someone like this but I would almost certainly not marry them.

He is in therapy and claims to be regretful. But my gut tells me it happened more than once.

Always listen to your gut in a situation like this. Men who are serial cheaters are addicted to the thrill and really likely to relapse even if they have had therapy. Read all the threads with these poor women who had 5, 10 good years after affair discovery and the guy just cheats again.

Men AND WOMEN who are serial cheaters are addicted to the thrill and really likely to relapse even if they have had therapy.

Neighbors wife was a serial cheater. He finally divorced her.

[Anonymous]

My wife admitted to me up front that she cheated on every boyfriend she ever dated.

So far, pretty sure I'm the only one who has cheated in OUR relationship.

[Anonymous]

Nope, not unless you want to be cheated on.

[Anonymous]

Def run. Ppl should get divorced if it's so bad they'd cheat.

[Anonymous]

Being in therapy is not indicative of someone's ability to be honest with themselves or the therapist. People can use therapy as a way to make themselves look good to others without any intention of doing the real work.

[Anonymous]

I dated a serial cheater (man). He was in recovery and never cheated on me and it’s not why we broke up. I will say though that when I was with him he would always scan the room, rather than having me on his arm and at times I felt like he used me as a prop or player in his drama with other women.

[Anonymous]

I cheated once and in the aftermath I vowed never again to be the kind of person who thought what I did was okay. I did a lot of therapy, self-reflection, and work on my mental health and learning healthy coping skills. If I were dating someone I would definitely tell them about my history, maybe not on the first date but in the beginning. Because that history has shaped some of who I am today and they deserve to know the truth. If that meant the other person no longer wanted to date me, I would respect their decision. OP, if you already feel like you cannot trust this person, then you should not move forward without him. He is not the person for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated a serial cheater (man). He was in recovery and never cheated on me and it’s not why we broke up. I will say though that when I was with him he would always scan the room, rather than having me on his arm and at times I felt like he used me as a prop or player in his drama with other women.

You don’t know that he cheated. Lol that get better at hiding it abs learn all the tricks. Scanning the room is pretty telling.

[Anonymous]

No, once a cheater, always a cheater.