Dating someone who cheated on their spouse

[Anonymous]

Would you date someone who admitted to a failed marriage due to cheating? This is someone who is good-looking with a good career and appears to be a good parent. But loss of love/X led to cheating. Not sure if this is worth exploring further.

[Anonymous]

Nope. 100% NO.

Their lame *ss excuse for cheating raises a huge red flag. They are telling you the same lies they told their affair partner to justify their cheating.

Nobody has to cheat. So many people experiencing the same thing don't cheat and lie. That's a moral character failure and it shows their poor coping skills and inability to take responsibility for cheating--they are playing the 'blame game'.

You know what? I'm going to guarantee that their spouse had zero idea. It's more likely that things were just fine and they were having their cake and eating it on the side.

If this is a man we are talking about, the vast majority were still having sex at home and not looking for an exit--but got caught.

If it's a woman and she's blaming her husband for her cheating...you got a bipolar on your hands or personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

But loss of love/X led to cheating.

This is a flag. A huge, gigantic one. I would run.

[Anonymous]

Probably not. He's likely the kind of person who is always looking for the next best thing -- and things never work out with people like that.

[Anonymous]

The fact you're asking the question means YOU think it's a dealbreaker.

To a lot of people, it's not. But if this past history makes you worried he or she will cheat on you at some point... well, maybe you two are not a good match.

[Anonymous]

No. I wouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But loss of love/X led to cheating.

This is a flag. A huge, gigantic one. I would run.

Omg. Totally. No: I was wrong. I regret my choices and hurt I caused. I have been in therapy to deal with healthier ways to cope. etc., etc. But even then: 2nd marriages have an even greater chance of divorce and if that 2nd marriage is with a cheater...bingo!

Run.

[Anonymous]

Once a cheater, always a cheater until he's too old to care about sex anymore.

If loss of love lead to cheating, a decent man would either address the issue or divorce and move on.

Decent people don't cheat. Just like decent people don't lie or steal.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a good sign they told you. Are they in therapy and regretful?

I might date someone like this but I would almost certainly not marry them.

[Anonymous]

Could you give more context? It sounds like the person has owned it and is remorseful. Literally everyone you date who is 40+ is going to have some kind of baggage. And you said date, not marry. If this person cheats on you, you break up and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact you're asking the question means YOU think it's a dealbreaker.

To a lot of people, it's not. But if this past history makes you worried he or she will cheat on you at some point... well, maybe you two are not a good match.

Yes true. Although I'm not looking for marriage, I fear I will have major trust issues and don't really want to deal with that. UGH.

Yes - it was husband who cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you're asking the question means YOU think it's a dealbreaker.

To a lot of people, it's not. But if this past history makes you worried he or she will cheat on you at some point... well, maybe you two are not a good match.

Yes true. Although I'm not looking for marriage, I fear I will have major trust issues and don't really want to deal with that. UGH.

Yes - it was husband who cheated.

Listen to your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a good sign they told you. Are they in therapy and regretful?

I might date someone like this but I would almost certainly not marry them.

He is in therapy and claims to be regretful. But my gut tells me it happened more than once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you're asking the question means YOU think it's a dealbreaker.

To a lot of people, it's not. But if this past history makes you worried he or she will cheat on you at some point... well, maybe you two are not a good match.

Yes true. Although I'm not looking for marriage, I fear I will have major trust issues and don't really want to deal with that. UGH.

Yes - it was husband who cheated.

OP, we are frequently drawn to the same sorts of people. You might be drawn to a personality that is more likely to cheat. Good looking, charismatic, lots of good sexual energy. He probably needs that energy to feel alive. That is frequently not a good match for stability.

[Anonymous]

I think there are people who this person would be good for. Someone who isn't as faithful themselves in some way or another. I really wish these people would get together and leave the faithful ones alone.