Upset my date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating men and I found found some can be weird around food and sharing food. 40s men.

One guy told me (who I dated for months) that I had to share with him—before we even ordered —if I planned to try his food. This was his preference. He said that it would help him order enough. I found out this preference about after he made a big deal about my trying off his plate.

I asked him about it at the next dinner date. We had about two discussions about this topic over a couple of weeks. It ultimately didn’t work out. The guy was weird on other things too. —a bit nitpicky.

listen to advice above. it’s sound

This is not weird. I don’t share. I have recovered from an eating disorder and when I go to a restaurant I have usually selected my meal from the online menu in advance and planned my day around it. I do this so I can chat and seem relaxed and stress free at the restaurant and not hold up the group while I decide. Because I have decided in advance what and how much I will eat, I don’t want to eat other foods or share mine. My husband’s family cuts everything into pieces and nibbles nibbles all of it. One pastry will be tasted by 8 people. I don’t want 16 nibbles of various dishes. I want to enjoy the dish I selected, unmolested by reaching forks! If I decide I will eat a pastry, I want to fully enjoy the whole pastry and not smash the flaky crust to pieces cutting into bits to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should've just said she wanted to take it home.

Frankly, I think it was tacky to ask her for her food on a date. But it's also pretty tacky to ask for a doggy bag on a date.

Let it go. If she was really into you, this wouldn't have mattered. I guess she just isn't.

Food waste is what’s tacky. If your values don’t align, happy to toss you back into the sea.

There is no food waste in this situation.

+1
They both wanted to chow down on the same half eaten meal. That’s the opposite problem of food waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out on a second date with a woman yesterday . First date was good. Second date conversation was great. At dinner she didn’t eat much of her food, I assumed maybe she didn’t like it. We tasted each others dishes and I liked hers. Since she didn’t eat much I asked if I could have more, and she said sure. Today she texts to smash she’s no longer interested. Since the convos been awesome I asked why, and she said cause I ate her food! I pointed she didn’t eat much and that I asked and she said ok. She said she wasn’t hungry but wanted to take it to go. Am I a jerk?

You accidentally foiled her plan that's why she couldn't tell you "No." And then she got pissed when you basically negated the entire reason she went out with you that night.

You see, she really wasn't that into you after the first date but decided to give you a 2nd chance to see if you'd improve. She ate dinner beforehand (in case the date went bad) and intended to take home this meal to eat the next day. Her reasoning is something along the lines of: "Hey, if the date sucks at least I'll get a decent meal to bring home for later this week."

Had she said "No you can't eat my food, I'm bringing it home" then she would look like a user. And to this woman, appearances are very important to her feelings of self-worth.

Now, housing down someone else's meal is kinda weird. Let's be frank - you're a bit awkward. It's one thing to have a couple bites, but it sounds like you joined the Clean Plate Club twice that night. So that's a bit of a red flag.

But in the grand scheme of things, what she did is a lot worse IMHO. It's pretty clear that her intentions were to take home a meal on your dime. If she's not that hungry, the polite thing to do is order an appetizer or a salad for dinner.

I'm honestly giggling at this entire scenario, because you accidentally made the right strategic move. Had you recognized her plan at the time and then purposely ate her food, you'd be a smart dude. But you kind of bumbled your way into ruining her plan, so that makes me Team No One.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She wasn’t that into you- women will put up with far, far worse and some would think it was endearing that you had a big appetite and be excited over the intimacy of sharing food. In the future, don’t eat off of date’s plates or finish their food until you’re in an established/sleeping together relationship where she will not hesitate to tell you it annoys her.

I agree- if she was really into you it wouldn’t have bothered her or she would have gotten over it. She didn’t know you well and the behavior was too familiar on a second date. You’re not close enough to be finishing her dinner. I think it’s that simple.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line, this is the story of two a-holes. If they married, the wife would be complaining to DCUM for years to come about bigger and more entertaining problems. But alas that won’t be happening.

[Anonymous]

Everyone saying that YTA is so wrong.

She sounds super high maintenance and thank your stars you discovered this on the 2nd date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I paid if it matters and the portion sizes were small to medium, which is why I assumed she didn’t like it.

Small to medium for you. Clearly—since you also ate a second main course. Are you overweight? Tell the truth.

Irrelevant fat shaming of someone who might not even be overweight. Shame on you. DP

Fine, maybe he’s not overweight, just gluttonous. Who eats two entrees?!

Someone who thinks their dining partner's entree was particularly delicious?

Or someone who is feeling comfortable and relaxed with their date and not uptight and pretentious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out on a second date with a woman yesterday . First date was good. Second date conversation was great. At dinner she didn’t eat much of her food, I assumed maybe she didn’t like it. We tasted each others dishes and I liked hers. Since she didn’t eat much I asked if I could have more, and she said sure. Today she texts to smash she’s no longer interested. Since the convos been awesome I asked why, and she said cause I ate her food! I pointed she didn’t eat much and that I asked and she said ok. She said she wasn’t hungry but wanted to take it to go. Am I a jerk?

1. Never eat your date's food unless you have been dating for a while.
2. Never do that on a SECOND date.
3. Yes, she overrated. But, she's only using that as an excuse because she really doesn't like you. If she liked you she would not care at all. It's just an easy excuse to exit the date with you.

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out on a second date with a woman yesterday . First date was good. Second date conversation was great. At dinner she didn’t eat much of her food, I assumed maybe she didn’t like it. We tasted each others dishes and I liked hers. Since she didn’t eat much I asked if I could have more, and she said sure. Today she texts to smash she’s no longer interested. Since the convos been awesome I asked why, and she said cause I ate her food! I pointed she didn’t eat much and that I asked and she said ok. She said she wasn’t hungry but wanted to take it to go. Am I a jerk?

She was using you for food. There are a certain percentage of women who do this. Women will go on a date, order food and take the leftovers home. Some do it because they are struggling, do not want to cook or just do not care. Usually it is enough food to last them a few days. Think of it as a take out service you pay with your time instead of money.

She was just using you and would have ended after a few more dates if you did not eat her food….lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out on a second date with a woman yesterday . First date was good. Second date conversation was great. At dinner she didn’t eat much of her food, I assumed maybe she didn’t like it. We tasted each others dishes and I liked hers. Since she didn’t eat much I asked if I could have more, and she said sure. Today she texts to smash she’s no longer interested. Since the convos been awesome I asked why, and she said cause I ate her food! I pointed she didn’t eat much and that I asked and she said ok. She said she wasn’t hungry but wanted to take it to go. Am I a jerk?

1. Never eat your date's food unless you have been dating for a while.
2. Never do that on a SECOND date.
3. Yes, she overrated. But, she's only using that as an excuse because she really doesn't like you. If she liked you she would not care at all. It's just an easy excuse to exit the date with you.

Move on.

100% agree with this.

If she was really into you, she wouldn't give two sh#ts if you ate her meal. She would think it's really cute and tell her girlfriends all about how you cleaned her plate and then had a wonderful drink at the next spot after dinner.

The fact of the matter is that she wasn't into you going into the 2nd date. She should have never wasted your time by agreeing to a 2nd date, but it's probably important to her self-worth that she feels "desired" and makes it appear that she's "high value" to her girlfriends. In her view, the worst situation is for her to have no dates at all because then she doesn't feel like she has value.

You dodged such a big bullet with this woman. I guarantee she would be a nonstop headache.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out on a second date with a woman yesterday . First date was good. Second date conversation was great. At dinner she didn’t eat much of her food, I assumed maybe she didn’t like it. We tasted each others dishes and I liked hers. Since she didn’t eat much I asked if I could have more, and she said sure. Today she texts to smash she’s no longer interested. Since the convos been awesome I asked why, and she said cause I ate her food! I pointed she didn’t eat much and that I asked and she said ok. She said she wasn’t hungry but wanted to take it to go. Am I a jerk?

She was using you for food. There are a certain percentage of women who do this. Women will go on a date, order food and take the leftovers home. Some do it because they are struggling, do not want to cook or just do not care. Usually it is enough food to last them a few days. Think of it as a take out service you pay with your time instead of money.

She was just using you and would have ended after a few more dates if you did not eat her food….lol!

This is definitely a thing in NYC, where dinner is a minimum of $100/person at a mediocre spot. Happened to a few of my buddies in recent years - the girls would eat like birds, have too many drinks, and then pack up the food to bring home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You dodged a bullet. If she didn’t want you to eat it she should have said so. This would have been a common issue in the relationship(her saying one thing and meaning another). Consider yourself lucky.

+1 OP you did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out on a second date with a woman yesterday . First date was good. Second date conversation was great. At dinner she didn’t eat much of her food, I assumed maybe she didn’t like it. We tasted each others dishes and I liked hers. Since she didn’t eat much I asked if I could have more, and she said sure. Today she texts to smash she’s no longer interested. Since the convos been awesome I asked why, and she said cause I ate her food! I pointed she didn’t eat much and that I asked and she said ok. She said she wasn’t hungry but wanted to take it to go. Am I a jerk?

It's pretty early in the game to be finishing her plate for her because you like her order better than yours. That's married couple vibes. You're right that she said yes, but you really shouldn't have asked to eat the rest of her food, although I think that asking for a taste is fine. You're not a jerk but you didn't pick up on the fact that she was not actually comfortable with your pushiness and that's what she's responding to. If you're sitting directly across from her, one-on-one, and can't pick up on the vibe souring then it must have been a really good plate you were polishing off.

[Anonymous]

She should not have ordered food if not hungry. She wanted a free take home meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You dodged a bullet. If she didn’t want you to eat it she should have said so. This would have been a common issue in the relationship(her saying one thing and meaning another). Consider yourself lucky.

Definitely this.

+100!! she is a grown ass woman and can’t express herself over something so silly, imagine more important matters!